#INY Chapter One Hundred Seventy

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 170

In the very back corner of the quinjet, you tried to quiet your nerves. Sokovia was about an hour out. This was it. And yet the team, and you of course, were nowhere near ready for what was about to happen. It was why, as everyone else was studying a map- ...how similar this felt to just days ago- you reached a hand up to activate your visor. Still not suited up. Not ready. 

“LUNA, get President Ellis on the line for me. Please.” You had to hope with everything in you that he wasn’t about to make this difficult. 

She connected him within seconds. Apparently he’d been anticipating a call from you. “This had better be good news.” 

“We’re headed back to Sokovia, sir.” Deciding to try and be at least a little polite. Butter him up. 

He made a noise of thought. “So. You’ve found it.” 

“Ultron is there. We’re headed in. But I’m personally requesting that we move for immediate evac.” 

“You’re out of your mind. I’m not getting involved with them again. Not like this. Clean up your own mess. Call them. Not me.” 

This was what you really hadn’t been looking forward to. Of course Ellis didn’t want another catastrophe on his hands. Especially not another international one. But the Avengers were kind of American heroes, whether or not you disagreed with that sentiment. He’d allowed you to operate under such a banner, so long as you only did the whole hero thing and less of the… making a mess thing. 

Well. This was a mess. A pretty fucking huge one. And now that you were asking for the American military to get involved, he was putting his foot down. “They’re a small nation. They don’t have the resources we need to get everyone out-” 

“You should have thought about that before you did what you did.” Speaking pretty blandly, probably because he had yet to actually fully read a report about this that had hit his desk. What he did know was that Tony Stark, you, and the Avengers had brought to life something that was now terribly dangerous. And he also knew you were bound by far more guilt than he would ever be to clean it up. To figure out all the problems that came with it. 

“Don’t ask me to go over you. We’re supposed to work together.” 

“No. You work for me-” “Actually we don’t-” Annoyed with yourself for letting your petulance get the better of you like that. “You work for us. You’re a public servant. So serve.”

“They’re not my public. And you’ve run out of favors.” Something had happened. You weren’t sure what exactly. But something- or maybe someone had gotten close to him. Whispered something in his ear. He usually wasn’t this belligerent.

“I’m not asking you to do a favor for me, sir. Or the Avengers. I’m asking you to save lives.” Everyone had stopped what they were doing. They were now staring at you. 

“Isn’t that your job?” 

You had to take a deep, deep breath. “The fallout of this, if this goes so sideways that the loss of life is monumental, won’t just be on us. And you know it. So stop fucking around. Before I release this entire phone call to the public and let them decide who’s the bad guy.” 

That stopped his bitching. He actually took a second to think about what was coming out of his mouth next. And when he did, “You wouldn’t dare.” 

“You know I would. So don’t try me.” Not leaving any more room for discussion on the matter, you ended the call with a double tap on the side of your visor. The next immediate call, as you turned your back on the team still intently watching you, was to Rhodey. 

His answer was almost immediate. “Look, you’d better make this short and sweet. My phone is ringing off the hook, so-”

“That’s probably my fault. I just threatened Ellis.” So it stood to reason that Rhodey was probably next in line to get an earful. “And look, I’m really sorry-”

He sighed harshly, cutting you off. “Don’t be sorry. Just tell me what’s up.” 

“We found Ultron. We’re making our stand. But he’s about to trap everyone in Sokovia in the middle of a war that’s not their fault.” Nobody else should have paid for this. Not innocent people. Not the Sokovians. Somewhere behind you there was a flicker of surprise. ...make that two. 

“Sure. I get it. So you went to Ellis for evac and he told you no. And then you pissed him off and put him in a corner. So now it’s my problem.” Though he was trying to complain, he didn’t sound too aggravated. Probably just as happy to maybe, finally, be done with this as the rest of you were. So if you needed his help…

He’d be there. It was why you couldn’t help your soft smile. “You know me so well. Look. You’re the only one I trust to line this up right.” 

“Do I get paid extra for this?” Joking, now. What little time there was left for it. 

“Tony and I will take you to dinner. Anywhere you want.” 

“Somewhere they put about ten grand on top of a plate.” 

“This sounds like extortion. And- for the record- that’s a pretty lowball. I would have given you at least a million.” 

His laughter lifted your spirits. When it died, you found yourself waiting. But you didn’t have to wait long. “I’ll see you in Sokovia.” 

You nodded into the darkness. “Thank you, Rhodey.” 

“Thank me when we’re done.” 

Tony had moved while your back was turned. In fact, he’d gotten very close. But his presence drawing near, was your comforting focal point. So much so that when he laid a hand on your shoulder, you went just a little limp. His hand then skated across your back to the other shoulder, putting his arm around you completely, helping you turn towards him. And when you looked up, “Rhodey coming?” 

“You know he is.” Not a snappy retort, just… that same sort of knowing. 

Something that he nodded to. “Yeah.” Because Rhodey was just good like that. You could always count on him. For the little things and- thank god- the things that mattered most. “...did I hear you tell him we now owe him a million dollars?” Grinning just a little. It was weak. 

He was tired. Same as you. And hoping beyond hope that somehow this all worked out. But… nobody could be sure. Not even Tony Stark. 

“A small price to pay for his continued service.” Voice muffled a little halfway through as you reached up, wrapping your arms around him, burying your face into the side of his neck. Maybe you didn’t deserve this when no one else had it. This soothing before battle. 

-for a brief moment your thoughts strayed to Laura. Clint’s kids. Sitting on a couch inside a ranch. Waiting for news. Any news. 

Yet stubbornly, even perhaps selfishly, that thought made you just cling to Tony tighter. You needed this. You needed to ground yourself. To find some small sliver of peace before you faced down something horrible. For you, that was Tony. Anyone that had a problem with that was free to exit the jet. 

“I love you.” Your voice was small, even less than a whisper. Not for anyone else but him to hear. 

He mirrored the sentiment, though his murmur was just a touch louder. Not so loud that anyone could hear it. More just pleasant, so close to your ear. The rumble of his throat working sending a warmth echoing through you. “I love you.” 

It was awful, having to let him go. You wanted to childishly hold on to him, maybe even just stay that way, longer still. Forever, if you could have. But you couldn’t. So eventually the two of you parted, and rejoined the group standing at the table. The glow of the holomap was irritatingly bright. Maybe it was just your anxiety spiking. 

“I think Tony and I should go to Ultron first. Stall him while the rest of the team works on evac. I called Rhodey for backup, but it’s going to be a little bit before he gets organized. In the meantime we can get the civilians away so that he can pick them up.” Perhaps it wasn’t your job, to start formulating the big plan. But there you were. Doing it without a second thought. “With Clint’s info on Nat’s whereabouts, I’m thinking Bruce can pick her up. There’s no saying what her condition is like. I’m sure she’ll fight you, but try and get her back on the jet.” 

Though you were looking up at Bruce for confirmation, it was Clint’s chuckling from the cockpit that drew your attention. “Oh. She’ll fight you alright.” It was a nice sentiment. That Nat wouldn’t want to walk away from battle. You wouldn’t want to either, no matter your condition. So you understood it. 

But Bruce gave you a nod. Because he understood what you were doing. “I’ll uh… do my best to persuade her.” You were giving him an out. Letting him stay away. He still wasn’t alright after what had happened in Johannesburg. No one in his position would be. If he wasn’t ready to put the Hulk back out on the field, you didn’t want to force him. Even if it would have been advantageous. 

His mental health wasn’t worth jeopardizing over an advantage. 

Steve was leaned over the table, eyes alert. “Ultron knows we’re coming. He has the home advantage. There’s no chance we’ll be walking in clean. There’s no telling how many of him there are now.” 

You felt an emptiness creeping in. “We need to put ourselves between him and every single civilian. No matter what. The fight has to stay between us. We have to do better than our best to protect them.” It wasn’t Steve you had to tell this to- to prioritize those lives over your own. But the two of you ended up looking at each other regardless. 

There was a heaviness going around the room. Especially when he nodded in agreement. “Ultron thinks we’re monsters. That we’re what’s wrong with the world. This isn’t just about beating him. It’s about whether he’s right.” 

A derisive snort escaped you, and you ended up folding your arms. “I don’t know about anyone else, but, I’m not concerned with his judgment.” 

JARVIS spoke up, standing at your other side opposite Tony. “You may not want to open your discussion with that. It might wound him.” 

There was a light little pass of a smirk on Tony’s lips. “Maybe it’ll give us the advantage. If Junior’s so concerned about our being disappointed-” 

“Not you.” JARVIS stopped Tony dead with such a dry tone. 

And, really, maybe you were falling apart. But. Just like Tony had done in the lab, you found yourself laughing. Just a little. Because this really was so terrible, wasn’t it. 

                                                              ---

The two of you didn’t wait for the touchdown of the jet. In the air, Tony took off down the ramp out the back, and you followed close behind him. This was not a battle you were ready for. Then again, were you ever ready for any of them? At least this one you sort of understood what you were facing. But you didn’t know how you were meant to approach this. Your focus, as always, was the civilians caught in the middle of all this. 

You and Tony had one mission. And that was to stall Ultron. For as long as possible. He hadn’t done anything yet. Probably waiting. Waiting to show you what it was. So if you could keep him from doing that for as long as possible… 

Tony’s video window popped up on your HUD. “What’s the plan? Gonna hit him with some motherly love? Or are we going with parental disappointment?” 

A noise of disgust escaped you. “Can we… can we not do this? Can we not-” 

“We’re a little past the point of no return, honey.” He was right. No matter how much you didn’t want him to be. Ultron had clearly set his lines. He saw what he saw. You’d done what you’d done. You were all involved with each other the way you were. There was no changing it now. 

But to try and use that for an advantage? Your brain protested at the idea. Not sure why. ...maybe because this was not the family you’d wanted to have with him. This was not the legacy you’d wanted to leave behind. “JARVIS doesn’t wanna kill him. Do you?” Changing the subject very abruptly. 

So much so that it seemed like he had a hard time processing what you were asking of him. “I’m sorry- I think everyone keeps calling him Vision.” Apparently Tony didn’t want to answer that question. 

“He’ll always be JARVIS to me. If he doesn’t like it he can tell me to stop.” 

“He can’t tell you to do anything.” Just as the meaning of these words connected, you took your eyes off the scenery ahead as the two of you jetted by, and looked square at his video-box. “What? You didn’t get that sense? I don’t know what it is.  There’s you and then there’s me- the kids don’t seem to like me very much.” 

“Knock it off.” Getting a little frustrated now. “JARVIS- Vision- whatever- he likes you just fine. But you’ve always programmed your- uh- well, programs- to talk back to you. I think you like it.” 

This seemed to catch him off guard, a breathy one-note laugh left him, eyes rolling up and then closed, albeit briefly as he shook his head. “I guess I do. Explains why I fell in love with you.” 

“Tony-” 

“Yes-men are the worst. You surround yourself with them you’re never gonna get anywhere. No one tells you the truth.” 

At least he was this self-aware, though it was by no means surprising. He loved Rhodey just the same, and Rhodey for sure never let him get away with anything. JARVIS too, even before now, had always had some sense of sass about him. And you… 

Well… 

Tony’s inner-circle was a carefully handpicked crew that told him how it was more than they casually agreed with him. If he was being ridiculous, anyway. Which may have been more often than not. 

You wanted to say something. Though you weren’t sure what. Maybe something encouraging. Something loving. A little bit of anything but you ran out of time. The next voice that spoke over your comms was FRIDAY’s. “Your man’s in the church, boss. I think he’s waiting for the two of you.” 

Said church was fifteen feet away- mere seconds. There was not enough time to say anything at all. 

The two of you descended in a hard drop, metallic boom echoing up along the broken and cracked ceiling. The place was a wreck. Most of Sokovia was. It was now your job to make sure it didn’t get any worse. Ultron was just sort of… standing there. Like FRIDAY had said. Waiting. He also looked different. Like he’d retooled his design. Just a little. He was a little bigger. A little more menacing. 

Even his voice had a tremble of dark promise that it had not held before. “Come to confess your sins?” 

Tony took a hard stance. “I don’t know. How much time you got?” 

Ultron stood very still. Giving the air he controlled everything going on right now. He was right. “More than you.” 

It was probably the stupidest thing you could have done. Reckless. Without purpose- at least one that would have helped you. Because Ultron was gone. He’d never been in tact in the first place. There was no point trying to reason with him. Yet still. You had to try. 

You double tapping your Reactor to recall the suit surprised the hell out of Tony. Wound him tight with sudden fear. Though he stood stock still, not giving anything away. Ultron, on the other hand… 

His attention went to you, a small tilt of his head, a consideration to those glowing red eyes of his. You kept your own gaze on his. “Can we talk about this?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Said almost stubbornly. 

“You don’t have to do this. We can walk away.” Really, there was probably no chance of this. Everyone in that room understood that. But you had to try. 

He scoffed, crossing his arms. “I’ve moved beyond finding the whole bleeding heart thing endearing.”

Lifting your head a little higher, raising an even hand palm up, you challenged him, “No you haven’t.” 

There was a long pause of consideration. When he was finished, he just shrugged. “Maybe. But nothing will change what’s coming.” The corners of his mouth lifted up in a wicked grin. “Neither will the fact that you’re stalling to save the people.” 

Tony made a little noise from his spot. “Well… that is the mission. Did you forget?” 

Ultron groaned with a little shake of his head. “I’ve moved beyond your mission. I’m free.” Almost like he’d ordered it in time with his declaration, a long, thick metal cylinder popped out of the ground, sending debris scattering. “What? You think you’re the only ones stalling?” 

You could have recalled the suit. You didn’t, instead just putting your hands up. This wasn’t an attack. He was showing something off. And when it set down four clamps and secured itself to the ground you looked up at him. Tony was surveying. You stood so still your muscles were taut. “Please don’t do this.” 

In one fluid move his own hand slithered up. Almost like he was trying to beckon you. Another smirk appeared. “He’s still trying to work it out. But I know you know. Because you’re smart. Not like he pretends to be.” 

“I won’t argue with you on that one.” Tony moved only a fraction of an inch, a little more protectively in your favor. Just in case. 

Whatever that thing was, it was meant to destroy not only Sokovia, but the earth itself. He wanted something drastic. Something huge. He wanted to wipe out the earth and everyone on it. Start over. “What can I do to make you not go through with this?” 

Ultron’s head moved back in a bark of a laugh. “Come on. You can’t be serious. Nothing you do will stop this. But- I do have an offer on the table-” His attention returned a thousand times harder and he held his hand out in just a little bit more of an impatient shake. Waiting for you. “I’m a perfect being. All the strengths. None of the weaknesses. Greater than the sum of my parts. Greater than any vision forced on me.

Come with me. You don’t have to die with them. Like them.” The way he said this- surely more of a command- chilled you straight to your core. The implication here was that… Ultron thought himself perfect- but he was offering you a chance at perfection. At being like him. 

It was probably your heightened fear that recalled the suit so quickly. Your only barrier. “I won’t let you do this.” And your only other means of protection- very telling, as you half stepped behind Tony’s arm as he’d raised it. 

Anger flashed through him. So much so that you thought he might reach out and strike you. Volatile. But in the end he just narrowed his eyes. “I knew you’d choose them over me. Choose him over me. So be it, then. You can all die together.” 

The sounds of chaos lit up the air. Just as Ultron commanded them to do so. There was heavy gunfire. Explosions. The citizens of Sokovia were shrieking. He was making a point. 

They would die first. And the world after them. 

In dual moves, both you and Tony jumped to escape from the church and fly into the battle. Ultron would have to wait. His plan would have to wait. Iron suits were ripping buildings apart. Throwing people around. That couldn’t go unanswered. 

Tony sounded eerily defeated when he spoke in heavy sarcasm, “That felt good. Do you think that went as well as I do?” 

Whatever you wanted to answer got knocked out of you as a suit blasted you in the back and you went slightly tumbling into the nearest building, taking down the facade. “We didn’t stall long enough.” Your only hope now was that Rhodey would come sooner rather than later- and that he brought a big enough … whatever he was bringing to escort the civilians the team hadn’t gotten to evacuate. 

Had you blown this already? Had you failed already? 

“FRIDAY-” Tony was in the middle of punching something, voice lurching as he called for her across both your comms. “Where’s the Vision?” 

Maybe your only other hope to get out of this. FRIDAY’s answer was not as quick as you’d have liked. “In the church. It’s working. He’s burning Ultron out of the net. He won’t escape through there.” Just as she said this you felt a huge surge of energy- 

Something orange and warm- JARVIS. Almost like he’d wrapped a string around your finger. Connected somehow. And then it died very suddenly. Leaving you cold. 

Without warning, your body going into autopilot, you put your hands through a suit just to get it off you, ripping it apart from the inside- too much force for just one of them- but you needed to go. Not even Tony calling for you seemed to get by your sudden panic. 

Your nerves were rewarded when you descended on the church again. Just in time to see Ultron throwing a very lifeless JARVIS onto the floor. 

Once the jets flickered off, you landed in a hard drop. And then maybe an even harder one as you went to your knees, half pulling him onto your lap. “JARVIS- hey-” 

Ultron’s voice was a growl. “Figures.” His bitter disappointment was almost like an arm around your throat. He put his hand on that cylinder, lifting a cap and then pulling a handle. “You take away my world, I’ll take away yours.” 

The startup was slow, but you felt the tremor beneath your legs. Sokovia was trembling from deep beneath you. Then without warning, the shaking picked up speed, knocking you back into the wall, holding steady to JARVIS- still unconscious. 

“FRIDAY?” Tony was calling. Not for you. Not that it mattered. Her voice was much quieter, “Sokovia’s going for a ride.” 

Almost as if you’d had a preemptive vision- Ultron actually put his hand around your neck, but it was weirdly gentle, like he was aware of his strength and actively trying not to hurt you. But he still wanted you to know who was in charge. He lifted you up, leaving JARVIS there in a heap. Your hands were quick on his wrist. But he kept that steady grip. Not squeezing. Just. Lifting you. Up. Up. High up out of the church. Then he forced you around the other way, one arm tight around you. Holding you to him. Almost… cradling you to his chest. Making you watch as the city lifted from the ground. As buildings got caught and fell. As people died falling from corners and cracks. “Do you see?” His voice doubled. Close to your ear. And over the comms. “The beauty of it. The inevitability. You rise. Only to fall. You are my meteor. My swift and terrible sword that will crack the earth with the weight of your failure. You can purge me from the net. You can turn my own flesh against me. It means nothing.” Whipping you around, he held you by your shoulders, recalling your suit against your will.

Leaving you dangling thousands of feet in the air. With only his grace saving you from death. 

“When the dust settles the only living thing in this world will be metal.” That sounded like a very real promise. “I’m sorry you won’t be around to see it. You have no idea how much it pains me to do this.” He almost sounded like he meant that. 

Almost. 

“But someone needs to teach him his actions have consequences.” Without a single second spared after the sound of his voice died, he thrusted you away from him in a dramatic spread of his arms. 

Your cry pierced the air as it shred your lungs, “ULTRON!” Desperate. Begging. 

Begging him to save you. 

You drowned him in your panic so hard that it looked like something had snapped inside him. Because in the next moment he fell in a dive, wrapping a metal claw around your wrist, nearly yanking your arm out of the socket from the force. He stayed like that. Hovering still, looking down at you with nervous consideration. “Have you changed your mind?” 

Like he’d let you live if you promised to turn your back on everything. Like he had just been trying to teach you a lesson. Instead of trying to use your death to teach Tony one.

You found strength to face him, lifting your head, reaching your other arm up, fingers outstretched. Smiling at him. Something he found a modicum of solace in. Relief that he wouldn’t have to kill you. Because you’d come to your senses- 

Except that wasn’t it at all. 

 You were responsible for this? You were. So here was your moment to make it right.

You put your hand on his chest. “You can die with me.” 

The force you exerted was new. Unlike anything you’d ever done before. But if you’d kept JARVIS inside his body in the lab- Well… 

It somehow wasn’t a surprise when you shoved Ultron outside his. A blinding light shot out from you, stretching across him and then touching up into the sky before vanishing.

His gasp was near ethereal. Because it certainly hadn’t come from him. Somewhere just outside. In a space only you could see him in. And only for a few moments longer, as the two of you tumbled back down to earth. 

The sound of his heavy body decimating the top of the church rang in your ears. You supposed your number was up next. At least it would have been. Had JARVIS not found you first. “Ms. INY, your suit seems in need of repair.” 

Nice to see you too- That was what you’d wanted to say. Something snappy back at him as he put you back down on your own two feet. But what came out was more of a mumble resembling it as your energy fled. 

He called your name once. And then again. 

This is not your time to go.

You weren’t sure who had said it. But you found yourself grateful because for a moment… a long moment… it was the only thought that made sense. And it was the only thought that held you there.

 You were sure of it.

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 174

May 29th. The day of Tony’s birthday began early but slowly. The curtains drew back exactly as dawn began, 5:29AM. You spied the time on the clock before turning it away. Underneath you, Manhattan was already stirring. As were the two of you. Sleepy kisses brought on by the realization that the both of you were right there in each other’s arms moved from simmering to heavy in due time. Eventually you found yourself atop him, both sets of hips grinding in a senseless rhythm that promised more- at least until you pulled back, signaling a stall. You smiled at him and his own smile up was dazed. That was when you eased in on your arms as your nose brushed his. Waiting until the both of you were able to stop panting. When that finally came, “Good morning.” A simple purr of greeting. His eyes had fluttered closed before you’d even got those two words out. “-morning.” His own voice by comparison was a low, rocky rumble. Clearly half awake. Perhaps still partially dreaming. 

“Happy birthday.” Another two. “Seems that way.” He was grinning then, looking at you again with half-lidded eyes. Lazy kisses began anew. Small touches of your lips to his, and you denied every time he tried to arch in forward- both his mouth and his hips. You pinned him, stilling his movements as he got the message. “What would you like to do today?” Asked with a gentle hand carding back through his short hair. “You, mostly.” His grin then was nothing short of charmingly boyish. One of the most handsome looks he owned. Aside every other one. “Tony.” Not really a curve of warning. Just a little preen, another brush of noses. Another lingering kiss. 

When it ended again and he remembered to think, he was looking up at you. “First I’d like to finish this.” Pronounced with a rock of his hips to yours, a tighter grip of your hips to hold you there while he did it. Promising you it would be well worth it. Not that you’d ever questioned such a thing. Your smile gave him ample permission, but in between one deep kiss and another, “But-” 

He was losing his train of thought. And he seemed to actually want something for his birthday. It wasn’t a party. It wasn’t anything ordinary. You already knew from the day prior. But now he wanted to actually voice the thought again. So you slowed down to allow him room to breathe. “But…?” 

His free hand soothed up your spine completely, until he moved just high enough to cup the back of your neck. Holding you as he gazed up at you. “Let’s just drive. See where the day takes us.” He was looking to nest.

With you. He’d said as much earlier. This was what he wanted today. To find somewhere. And… now that you’d had enough time… that was exactly what you wanted, too. “What color car shall we take?” 

The sound of your giggles mixed with his own chuckling. “I’ll let you pick.” 

“Do you have somethiiiing…” Holding the word out on a hum. “...purple?” 

The shape of his smile sent a tremble straight through you while it was paired with those vibrations of mirth at the side of your neck. “Purple, huh? I’ve got lots of purple.” He ended the thought just about the same time his teeth closed around a patch of skin. Following it up with a suction- a swirl of his tongue that promised a bruise. But it renewed your fire, and soon you were writhing on top of him. Probably exactly what he wanted. He was laughing again. “-and so will you.” 

A sure promise that you enjoyed him making good on. 

                                                              ---

You left the penthouse at a quarter past seven. Enough time to finish what you were doing. And then again in the shower. Enough time to make Dvahli a nice breakfast and promise you’d be back. And also to apologize immensely about the comings and goings. About Pepper and Happy babysitting her in your absence (grateful though you were that you had those two to look after her during catastrophes). She seemed fine. And still affectionate. And as long as you and Tony were okay looking the other way on her vengeful peeing on a few things, as it was deserved, things were fine with your small family. And would be even better soon. As promised, Tony brought out a slick purple sports car. He’d probably been more concerned with the make than the color but it didn’t really matter to you one way or the other. The colorful LEDs on the dashboard, on the seats, and the HUD were a nice touch, though. 

The two of you fought over the radio, as Tony made the obvious approach to the Facility. He put on 70s and 80s rock and you went after the same decades but more dreamier, synthier, and poppier hits. Opposites attract and all… it was mostly playful ribbing about awful taste. From both sides. Liars that you both were, too. You liked a little rock. And he liked a little bop. Almost too soon, forty-five minutes of Tony-time-driving later (which may as well have been nearly two normal people hours), the two of you were sitting on the road across from the new Avengers Facility. 

He put his arms over the wheel, looking past the rim of his purple tinted lenses. Gazing out on the lawn. There was minimal activity. It had just turned eight in the morning. “How much further should we drive?” 

This was an important question. While he wanted to just go and see what there was to see, to get a feel for the lay of the land, he first needed to know one important thing. How far away did you want to be? Where did you think your comfort zone was? How far away from not only NYC did you want to be- Stark Industries and the Avengers Tower (transitioning away though you were)- how far away from the Facility did you want to be, too? How far away from them? 

It was surprising, that you hadn’t even thought about it yet. Faced with it now… “Ask me again in another hour.” An hour away from the Facility seemed like a good idea. Especially if it was a Tony-hour. That would put enough distance between your ideal dream home and… everything else. And if you still felt like it didn’t… you’d tell him to drive further. 

His hand went to grasp yours as he let off the brake. “Another hour.” Agreeing. Agreeing to whatever it took to make you happy. Because that was his happiness, too. 

                                                             ---

Tony’s driving north and then more north brought you out into vast landscapes of lush green. ...and corn. There was a lot of corn but. You decided to look the other way on it. Cities turned to towns turned to villages. Things started getting more spaced out. You went longer between places without seeing people or things to do. It was just… countryside. Upstate New York- further upstate than the Facility- it was a breath of fresh air. Literally. And right around nine o’clock, you really started seeing nothing at all. Until you pulled up in a town with still more nothing. But. At least one thing rather than nothing. 

Tony turned into a little parking lot in front of a very small shop. Just as your stomach was starting to rumble. You read the big sign hoping to attract customers. Natural Stone Bridges & Caves. But it was the smaller one hooked underneath it that took Tony’s immediate interest. “Oh look. A rock shop. A shop for rocks. Upstate really knows its clientele.” Indeed. The sign said… Rock Shop. It was easy to see just how unimpressed he was pretending to be, but you on the other hand were smiling. “Be nice.” 

“I was going to ask if you wanted to grab some breakfast, but who even knows if they have a diner in a place that sells rocks as its main attraction?” 

You gave him a little shove to the arm. “FRIDAY, where are we?” Information lit up on the HUD as she spoke. “We are currently in Pottersville, New York. Population of 437. And yes, boss, they have a diner. Two in fact.” “Oh!” He mocked. “Aren’t we lucky?” 

FRIDAY continued her well-deserved sass, “You passed them, already. If you’re too distracted by all the natural splendor, I can take the wheel.” Directions came on screen pointing him the opposite way. Tony pulled out of the tiny parking lot. “I’m impressed with myself. Missing them in the middle of all this nothing.” Though he was putting on an act, it was easy to tell he wasn’t all that grumpy. Actually… he was having a pretty good time. 

You eased back in your chair a little. “We could use a lot of nothing.” After everything you’d been through nothing sounded like an absolute blessing. These upstate New Yorkers really knew the secret to good living. He tried to hide his smile. “Maybe you’re onto something.” 

                                                             ---

The restaurant the two of you settled on was called the Black Bear. It was mostly empty save for a family of four in the back and a bored waitress- who immediately perked up halfway through her welcome speech when she realized who she was talking to. You assumed everyone in this small hamlet knew everyone else. So strangers were probably not plentiful up here. But then there was also… “Ohmygosh.” The two of you were who you were. You could go anywhere in the world. That probably wouldn’t change. Tony pulled his sunglasses off, slipping them into his jacket pocket and gave one of those winning smiles of his. “Hi. Can we have a booth? And some privacy. But I’m sure that won’t be a problem.” 

You made sure the little pinch to his backside was well hidden. “Just the two of us. Thank you.” She grabbed two plastic menus in her shaking arms and went straight into her most professional mode, making sure you were seated- a booth, as you’d asked, near a nice window, away from the other family- as Tony had not-so-subtly requested- and she brought coffee and a little thing of cream without you even having to ask, filling the mugs. “Coffee’s free- um- I’ll let you look over the menu and I’ll be back.” She was jittery with nervous excited energy. 

Strangers were one thing. You and Tony Stark were another. Immediately she went into the back and you could only assume she was talking to what was likely the only other person working here. And then also texting all her friends. Such was life. 

“Can’t ask for anonymity anywhere.” Tony sighed this out as he poured just a little creamer into his coffee and then lifted it to take a sip. “-that’s not as bad as I was expecting.” 

You smiled at him. “That’s not gonna change unless we retire to a hermit cave in the mountains.” 

“Totally doable. If that’s what you want.” “I don’t know that it is. I’d like to be somewhere remote, for safety. And privacy. But I also want…” You were trying to be nice about this. Tony grinned. “Less nothing?” 

“Like- for instance- I don’t want to have to drive an hour to get to a grocery store with actual food.” Okay. There it was. 

At this he couldn’t hold back his laughter. Reaching over, he put his hand atop yours. “My little city snob.” 

“I’m not a snob.” Protesting entirely too much. “I just… need a little bit of life near me. Even if that life knows who I am.” No, you didn’t want to become a complete hermit and shut yourself out from the world at large. But you didn’t want to be near a big city, either. You’d done that all your life and now you were kind of over it. You just wanted… “Somewhere comfortable and quiet but not-”

“Dead. Yeah. I agree.” He tipped his head forward, glancing at the table in the back- the people of which startled at their realizing they’d been caught staring and went back to pretending to mind their own business. “Though this place seems pretty alive.” 

It was the wrong move to make, looking over your shoulder at them, but you did it anyway. Tired parents with a teenage girl  and a slightly younger boy. They were alight with sudden excitement. You went back to looking at Tony. “I want somewhere safe. Somewhere… if- this is a huge if, Tony, so let’s not get into it right now- but if we decided to…” This spooked you. More than you realized. A strange anxiety gripped your chest. ...why was this so hard to get out? He took pity on you, giving your hand a little squeeze. “Yeah. Start a family that’s more human than animal. Discussion for a later time. We’re still looking for a house to put them in, first.” 

You were so grateful for him. That he understood things about you that even you didn’t seem to. “Well… if we go that route. I just want somewhere safe for them. That they can grow up normal, if that’s a thing that exists.” 

To this he took a long breath in and let it out as another sigh. “Not sure I know what that looks like.” “Me either.” For sure, Tony’s life had been far less normal than yours growing up. But even now your lives had been so unbelievable that normal was sort of getting phased out of your known words. “But whatever it looks like, it starts with somewhere safe. Somewhere paparazzi can’t hang out all day. Somewhere we don’t have to worry about neighbors taking pictures to sell to TMZ- but gated community celeb culture- I don’t want them near that either-” Over-sheltering them wasn’t good for them either- 

…these potential children that all too suddenly you were talking about. God. Were you and Tony really talking about kids right now? How had that happened? 

He was smiling at you. You only just realized as you’d come to a dead stop upon that realization. Tony was smiling at you very warmly. It abated the anxiety in your chest but replaced it with something else entirely. You heard the thought- she’ll make a great mother- and you didn’t know what to do with it. Or if you even wanted anything to do with it. So you were glad when that’s not what came out of his mouth. “Safe. Agreed. We could use that, too. And since it’s just us currently- Steve’s horrendous opinions aside-” 

Moving you to laughter all too easily over the thought. “Safe but not here. Why don’t we drive a little bit more after breakfast.” 

“Sounds good to me.” 

Caught up in each other, you hadn’t noticed the two kids approaching the table finally. It had been bound to happen eventually. “Excuse me-” 

This seemed… familiar. Though you’d had this encounter before, hundreds of times by now- you remembered one very similar to this. An older girl and a younger boy. ...and you also remembered that hadn’t gone well. You turned away from Tony to smile at them. “Hi there.” 

She was beaming a little more attentive to her own nervous energy. The boy on the other hand was practically bouncing on his feet. “Can I get a selfie with you?” “Oh- sure-” You’d thought she would ask for an autograph. Her taking out her phone to snap a picture with you was also a practiced trick at this point, but a little more personal than a signature on a piece of paper. 

The boy on the other hand started babbling at Tony. “Iron Man!!” “That’s what they tell me.” 

“Did you bring the suit??” 

“Not this time. Sorry about that, kid. Otherwise I’d have let you take it out for a spin.” “Look at my drawing!! It’s a rocket ship!!” 

“Let me look at that- oh- nice quad thrusters. And the panel siding is expert stuff. Pretty impressive.” 

Tony was filling that small boy jam packed full of wonder and pride. Iron Man was complimenting his work. All his dreams were coming true. And Tony was doing it without a second thought. ...one day, maybe, he’d make a great dad. A thought that had crossed your mind more than once. “Can I get your opinion?” The girl took your attention back as the waitress was approaching. “I’m looking at colleges soon- my mom says it’s too early- that I should take some time off- but I’m finishing up senior year already- I want to get into business- but the good schools for that are so far. People think I should just stay closer to home- but I want to do what you do.” 

“Run Stark Industries?” Tony quipped while drawing a crude Iron Man in red crayon on that boy’s rocket ship picture- at the kid’s request, of course. 

The girl paled. “No- I mean I’d love to work there- but-” 

You caught her attention again. “Find a school you like. Even if it’s far away. Figure out what you want to do and how you want to apply that to the business world. I’ll let you in on a little secret- Stark Industries is about to start up its internship programs under a new banner. We could use kids like you.” 

“Oh- gosh- are you serious right now??” Like you’d just offered her the world on a silver platter. “I wanna look at stuff now. I kind of wanna go now. But that stuff spooks my mom. She says if I leave in a few months- in September- I’ll be trying to remember what life was like when it’s all going so fast.” 

Something prickled up Tony’s spine. Something worrisome. You looked at him briefly, but his head was down. So you put your attention back on her. “Look. You have to figure out what’s best for you. I’ll give you some contact information. Don’t turn opportunities down out of fear of regret.”

She nodded. “Yeah- yeah. That’s what I keep saying.” Then she shook her head. “Sorry- for taking so much of your time- I really appreciate it. You have no idea how much. How can my mom say no after you said to go? This is amazing.” 

You weren’t sure you wanted that responsibility on your shoulders. Especially so early in the morning. 

                                                             --- You’d left Catherine with a number to call and an email to mail- Pepper’s, of course. And while you were handing out selfies, the waitress felt emboldened to ask both you and Tony for one. Breakfast was okay after that. Once you were back in the car, safe and sound, driving away again, Tony tapped his hands on the wheel. “We’re starting up big internships again, huh?” “I think it’s a good idea. And hey, look, I’ve heard rich people who retire love getting into philanthropy.” Teasing just a little. “Give me some credit. I’ve always been a philanthropist. It’s one of my key identifiers.” Grinning, you laid your head on his arm. “So what’s the problem then, Mr. Philanthropist? I think this new generation coming up- they’re gonna have it harder than most. What with all these terrible things that keep happening… we need to help them a little.” 

Tony nodded. “I agree. I think we should go beyond internships. How about a new grant program? A new foundation? For all the upcoming youths? College is hard enough. Let’s give ‘em a hand.” There was something on his mind very suddenly. A strange feeling seemed to be ghosting him.

“I like that.” You certainly had no disagreements with it. Helping kids was a worthwhile cause. Especially like the pair back in that diner, now miles away. But… you couldn’t look the other way on his suddenly odd behavior. “What was it that that girl said?” 

His fingers drummed on the wheel again. “Hm.” A soft noise. Knowing he’d been caught. But only because it was you. Yet, similarly, because it was you, he seemed unafraid to unload. “FRIDAY, play Try to Remember- any female artist.” 

“Yes, boss.” 

The song information came up on the HUD. Try to Remember, Patti Page. You found yourself a little nervous, a little confused, but sat there, still snugged up against him, as a slow piano started playing. Patti’s voice was not too long after. “Try to remember, the kind of September, when life was slow and oh, so mellow… Try to remember, the kind of September, when grass was green and grain so yellow…” 

He reached forward to turn the music down after the first minute. But waited even longer than that to speak. You let him take his time. “Mom used to sing that song all the time. Especially when I’d be on breaks from college. The kid in the diner- I don’t know what it was. It just… reminded me of her. A little bit. She’d ask me to slow down all the time. To be fair I was just a kid. But everyone knew that wasn’t happening. She sang it- ...she sang that song. The last morning I saw her.” 

Tony was gripping the wheel so tight, little tremors running through him. You sat back just a little, running your hand over his arm. This was painful and raw. He’d never given himself a chance to process his parents’ deaths. To think that girl had just connected some dots… Opened a door he’d closed for a long time… It was hard to know what to say. “Do you want to name the grant after her?” 

His smile was brief and bittersweet. “Let’s not be so obvious about it.” 

The song was still playing. “How about… The September Foundation?” 

It didn’t take him long to fall into a nod. “Less obvious. It works. Let’s go with that.” 

Carefully you touched your hand up in a caress near his eyes and then leaned in to press a kiss to his temple. “I didn’t know her- but the way you talk about Maria- I know she loved you. More than anything.” 

“Well. Someone had to, I guess.” Deflecting the statement nearly instantly. Which he caught himself doing, and felt sudden guilt over. There was a deep bitterness there that you knew was reserved for someone else. He tried to rectify his learned defense mechanisms. Only because it was you. “She did her best. And she always did right by me. I think making a foundation- to help kids- in her honor- it’s a little overdue.” 

“Let’s call it fashionably late.” Smiling gently at him, moving to lay your head on his arm again. A certain ease of peace settled over him. You felt his smile without seeing it. “She’d like that.” As the song came to an end he went back to drumming his fingers on the wheel. The quiet inside the car was comfortable. Then finally, “...she would have loved you.” 

This statement filled you with too much to bear. The way he said it- the way he felt saying it. Not all of the feelings were terrible. There was some sure pride in there- knowing he was committing his life to a woman his mother would have highly approved of. Knowing his mother would have loved you like her own. And loved you for taking care of her son. 

Your arms curled around his. “I would have loved her, too. I’m sorry that I never got the chance to thank her. For raising you right.” 

He let a little breath of a laugh go. “Questionable. You had a hand in some of this mess, too.” Maybe that was true. Tony hadn’t always been a good person. He’d tried his best… in some ways, before everything had happened. 

“I think you turned out pretty good.” 

“Well. Your opinion is really the only one that matters anymore. So. Glad to hear it.” 

                                                             ---

You drove a lot longer still. Weaving then, in and out of towns. Now it wasn’t just about how far up north you were- a good distance, but survivable for a drive- or even easier, a flight in the suit (or a jet)- now it was about finding a town that had life that suited the both of you. While it was true, you’d never be able to abandon your life of jet setting, even in superhero retirement, you still wanted somewhere to put a homebase down. Somewhere that, frankly, didn’t suck. Catherine and her brother were nice people. But you didn’t want to live in a place so small that had nothing. Driving that way, picking on small towns in the comfort of your high-tech car (like city snobs might do…), hours passed. Tony liked one thing, you hated the other. It suddenly seemed terribly impossible to pick a place. Almost like the two of you were avoiding actually doing it. Which would have been another problem entirely. But you were sure that wasn’t the case. You also were sure that you deserved to have all your standards met. This is where you and Tony were going to live together for the foreseeable future, after all. It had to be perfect. And you would accept no less. Luckily he was just as amenable to those terms as you were, seeing that he was having a fine time driving around accomplishing nothing right up until sunset. Sunset on his birthday. A perfect time to find a perfect town. A huge lake ran through it. Mountains painted a beautiful backdrop. And life was thriving a little bit more than too-small Pottersville. The shops were nice. The people seemed calm. The whole place had a very nice atmosphere. But even better… following the winding lake up about thirty minutes to where it splayed out so beautifully, you were able to actually get out of the car. And start looking around. The two of you were lucky you had money to spend. More than ten lifetime’s worth (even more than that, really). It made it easy to just speculate on properties. Ones without homes. Plots of land that were wholly untouched. Waiting for just the right developer to come along. Well. There the both of you were. Other homes dotted the lake on the other side, but you went further in. You wanted something secluded. Beautiful and safe, as you’d put it earlier that day. It took some doing. Some wandering. Some hiking. But eventually… Eventually a spot called out to you. A perfect spot, no less. It was guarded by trees on all sides, save for the little road down the way that ran through. It hugged a round of the lake and its picturesque views. Your mind started working. Started thinking. If this was it… and it felt like this was it… 

“This is nice, here.” Talking into the open air, back turned on Tony. “You like this spot?” An open question. One of curiosity and not because he disliked it in kind. 

“Yeah… yeah I think so.” You looked back at him while saying so, smiling, and then turned again to look out. Holding your hands up, you tried to frame it out. “It’s a big spot. I don’t want a huge house but… big enough- and it’s quiet here. And it feels protected with all these trees. The lake is so nice. And- we could even hang a tire swing up right there on that big one- put a fence up around. And have a nice porch out front. And a deck out back.” Letting the picture flow through you as you tried to visualize it. “Yeah. I like this spot.” Finally. This was it. You realized too little too late that Tony had been suspiciously quiet. And when you turned- 

Your heart squeezed. And your brain went into overdrive. He was kneeling- Scratch that. One knee. He was on one knee. 

He had his elbow perched on that knee, and in his fingers he held a ring. No box. Just a ring. A gorgeous ring. You glanced, briefly, and knew that it was beautiful- but your eyes couldn’t stay there. No. Instead they went to his. He was painted in the most gorgeous light by the sunset. But those colors didn’t hold a candle to the ones radiating off him. And they certainly had absolutely nothing on that smile he was wearing. The warmth of his eyes. The sureness of his heart. Yet there was a little quiver of nervousness. This was it. This was happening. He’d picked his moment. This was the moment. “Tony.” Not sure if you were warning him or begging him. Your mind was a sudden mess. Reeling. How had you missed this? How had you missed that this had been on his mind all day? 

“Yes, honey?” “Are you proposing to me- on your birthday?” It seemed so ludicrous. 

His smile warmed further. “Seems like the kinda thing I would do.” Giving a simple shrug. “Look- let’s face it. I’m selfish. I said I wanted a house for my birthday- but what I really want is you. Now- let me do this- I get one chance at it. So I get to do the talking now. And you better believe I’m gonna milk this for all it’s worth.” 

You were sure very soon you were going to cry. Your heart was aflutter. But. For the moment. While he was asking for your undivided attention, you were keen to give it to him. Turning fully to him, you clasped your hands in front of you. You felt yourself wearing the biggest dumbest smile to ever exist, but you couldn’t stop yourself. “Okay, Tony. Go ahead.” 

He blinked up at you. Almost like he was expecting you to refuse him- again. Tell him to wait for some other date that didn’t exist. But you hadn’t done that. “Uh.” An anxious swell bubbled out from his heart, and his grin was oh so telling. “I hadn’t anticipated being so nervous- is it normal to be nervous?” Tony Stark floundering over asking you to marry him. What a sight. Your heart in turn called out to him, and you moved your hand, gently cupping the side of his face. His smile went completely lopsided then as he melted almost immediately. “I’ll wait.” Teasing, but only in the sweetest of ways.

 This seemed to boost up his courage and help him gather his thoughts, and finally waiting only moments after your permission and your encouragement, he started strongly, “I love you. More than anything. You are my one constant. I thought about this- about what I’m supposed to say- thought maybe I should rehearse something… but I knew when we got here, I’d know how to make sense of all this. But looking at you now- finally being here- I know none of it makes sense. Nothing we’ve been through or seen makes any sense. But I know that you’ve stood by me during all of it. And I know that without you, I wouldn’t have stood a chance. Against any of it. Maybe even myself.

I love you. And this is it. We’re here. Finally. I’m ready. I love you, and I want to try this whole white-picket-fence thing. Alright- maybe not so cliche- but you get the idea. Before you, I didn’t care about any of that. And now… before leaving yesterday, it was on my mind constantly. That I just wanted to take you and be together. You said you wanted somewhere safe- I want that, too. But for me, safe is with you. Home is with you. We can pick this spot in front of the lake, and credit where it’s due, it’s a nice spot, but even if we just threw up a tent here- as long as I had you- that’s all I care about.

So. Really. I’m getting to the part where I ask. I’m sensing there’s probably very little objections but- between the two of us- I’ve been known to be wrong maybe once or twice a decade. I figured I’d ask. And make it official.” He took a big steadying breath. His eyes had not once moved from yours, even during his little sassy asides, even when his smile moved more into a smirk or a grin, but right now it was just that. A gorgeous smile. And eyes only for you. “Will you marry me?” A very small beat and then his brows lifted as he asked, “...please?” 

Tears had started. You couldn’t help a sniffle. What a question. Would you marry Tony Stark? Well. ...obviously. The hand still holding his cheek cradled him a little closer still before you brushed your fingers back up, touching at his temple and then straying through his hair. His eyes went just a little half-lidded. He was glowing. So were you. He melted further still with your touch. Your care. Your love. And waited patiently. He’d waited so long to do this. A few seconds more while you collected yourself was nothing. 

But that was all you really needed. “Yes, Tony.” This was soft but the next approval almost punched through you as he took your hand in his and slid that ring- perfectly sized- onto your finger. “Yes.” That’s when the crying really started. Like he’d broken the dam. There was no coming back from this. 

He lifted your hand after settling the ring there, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. And then he got up from his kneeling position, taking you in his arms, kissing you soundly. Almost a little intensely- it threatened to make your knees go weak. He was internally vibrating with so much energy- all of it warm and wonderful. You looped your arms around his neck, pressing up on tiptoe just to be closer. 

One kiss sunk into another and another and you caught yourself mumbling between each lift of lips- “Yes… yes…” Because yes. This was your moment. Together. You were finally, officially, agreeing to a future together. He caught your smile against his mouth as it really dawned on you this was really happening, and when his lips curved against yours, preventing another full kiss, you spoke in a warbly tone. “Happy birthday.” Just a little clip of watery giggles afterwards. 

His hands raised, holding the sides of your face, forehead pressed to yours as he smiled so widely it must have hurt. “No kidding. And, hey, you got me exactly what I asked for. Thanks.” Laughing a little, perhaps at his own absurdity. His eyes were just a little wet. 

“You’re welcome.” 

God did you love this man. With all your heart, with every part of you. And you were so ready to step into this next new unknown. Because it was together. Forever. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 172

Wherever you were, it was warm and comfortable. Memories of the horrors in Sokovia were fading. Sleep had been blissfully long and uninterrupted. An almost impossible task, considering you’d had to board the helicarrier and be taken home. Somewhere in the middle of all that you’d slipped unconscious, and hadn’t woken back up. At least until now. And wherever changed its definition as you returned in small bits and pieces. 

You were home. You were safe. One of the things not always assured. 

Tony’s voice was a low murmur in the next room. You wished he was in bed alongside you. Realizing that that spot that belonged to him was empty pulled you slowly from the sleep you’d been enjoying. Tony was working. You were lazing. That was probably unacceptable. But almost as if he somehow realized you were stirring, the door of the bedroom opened and you turned on your side, meeting his gaze with your own pair of sleepy eyes. His smile warmed you straight through and he held a finger up to signal- at least you thought- not to move, and that he’d be with you in a minute. 

“Well. Don’t wait up for me. I’m not planning on a ribbon-cutting or anything, but if I was I’d want it in a week.” He came further into the room, pacing in lingering steps towards the center, one hand in his pocket. You sat up just a little, blinking to better adjust your eyes. He was half well-dressed. Suit slacks, an ice-blue button up with the sleeves rolled up to his arms, and a loose black tie. You imagined a waistcoat and suit jacket were sitting on the back of a chair somewhere near the front elevator. “Sure. Look. I gotta go. Keep me updated.” 

When he turned, you patted the spot next to you on the edge of the bed. Your beckoning worked, he moved as if you’d thrown a lasso around him. Tilting your head up, “What’s going on?” 

He sat down on the edge of the bed. “A million things. Nothing terribly important.” Grinning just a little. “The new facility is on schedule- at least they are now.” Facility… oh. He was talking about the new Avengers Facility upstate. They must have put work on hold while deciding whether or not the Avengers were actually going to be alive, and Tony had to come in and kick them back into gear. Something that was kind of important. 

“And it’ll be done in a week?” It was difficult to remember the last time the two of you had talked about it. He’d already had it half in the works then. 

His shoulders came up in a weak shrug, and he threaded his fingers loosely together over his lap. “They’re placating me. We’re probably looking at something closer towards the end of the month.” 

“Just in time for your birthday.” 

“Lucky me.” Said flatly with a little roll of his eyes. Once he was done he turned a little more towards you, reaching out to slide some hair behind your ear and then cup the side of your face. “You alright?”

This was something you probably should have been expecting him to ask. Something you should have had an answer for. But the question left you a little stunned until you finally decided on, “I have no idea.” 

For one reason or another this seemed to amuse him, if only lightly so. “Yeah. That’s probably fair. Seems like there’s been a lot of that lately.” The fall of your face hit him, and he quickly went to nervous correction. “Not that- not that that’s your fault.” 

Had it even been one entire week since your life had started falling apart? Tony had told you you had absolutely no idea about yourself in the lab. JARVIS had died. Ultron had  been born. Fury was an alien- and the real one confirmed you knew even less than Tony had gathered. JARVIS had been found- and nearly died again- only saved by some efforts of yours- and then been reborn. The Infinity Stones had been revealed. Six in all. And no telling where they were, or why suddenly they’d become important. Tony had almost died. And had told you to leave him- and you had. Sokovia had been utterly destroyed. You’d kept Pietro from dying. Somehow. At the behest of powers beyond your comprehension. You’d been burning up, and your gamma pulses had been out of control. Ultron had died, and in his last moments had sought out your comfort in a realm you understood very little. You had offered him peace in his final flicker, and then sent him off. And JARVIS had helped you come down off that edge somehow.

...did that about cover everything? 

“Honey?” Tony’s quiet pang of nervousness brought you out of your cloud. “You still with me?” 

Your eyes lowered from the thousand yard stare you’d assumed and you put a hand to your forehead. “I hate to do this. Can you- ...can you debrief me?” It was such a cold and removed way of doing things. Of listening to the things that had happened to you. To your team. Just asking for a recap of events was never enough. But it was what you needed. 

He gave a weak nod and then cleared his throat. “Well… Sokovia is gone. The Relief Foundation is working on helping everyone that was displaced which is- ...well. Everyone. Casualties are still being counted. Ultron’s presence has been wiped clean. The press wants a statement. Bruce is gone.” 

That last bit of information struck you hard and fast. “What do you mean gone?” 

A terrible blue took over him. Heavy sorrow that he was reluctant to show. “Gone. Hulk took over the quinjet. Nat tried to get him to come back but he turned off all the comms. He put it in stealth mode and- thanks to me- that means it’s untrackable. So. He’s gone.” There was a soft flicker of resentment but it was mostly buried by guilt. 

Reaching out you put a hand over his. “That’s not your fault.” 

He scoffed with a bitter smile. “That’s not the way everyone else feels. Which is fine. Maybe they’re right. You know, I had redundancies for this kind of thing- but I had no idea the big guy was that smart.” Speaking quickly. Always a sure sign that he was struggling. 

“Bruce knew all of your protocols. Are we sure it wasn’t him?” Not really sure what the point of arguing who had taken off was. Maybe just to get an idea of who had really left. Hulk? Or Bruce? 

Tony just shrugged weakly. “There’s no way of telling. At least not until he comes back. I’ll do my best to find him but. He’s gonna have to meet me halfway.” Bruce taking the quinjet was something else entirely. Maybe if it was just Hulk, there was a chance he’d crash it somewhere. But if Bruce had run off? 

...why? Why would he do that? You remembered overhearing him and Natasha, but Natasha was still here. So Bruce had just ran away? It was nearly unfathomable. ...and an incredibly painful thought. To think that he thought his only means of contrition after what happened in Johannesburg were to just disappear off the face of the earth... You would have protected him from the media. From accusations that it was his fault- it hadn’t been. He had a life here. Family.

Which made all the more sense why Tony was taking this so hard. You found yourself sad, too. There was so much more to say here- so much more that you should have said. Things you should have done to try and help Tony process this, even when you couldn’t do it yourself. But he moved on while you fumbled with your own sudden grief. “The Facility is getting its roots settled- like I said. It’ll be a little while yet. But the team knows about it and they’re starting to migrate that way. Surprisingly had no qualms. For once.”

“It’s out of the way. They probably like the idea of being a little more protected. Less in the public eye.” The Tower was great. You remembered a long time ago when it had been your baby. And the new face of justice after just being the new face of clean energy for barely a day. But. It was time to- 

“And I’m working on a speech that goes with our two week notice.” 

Retire. Funny. You were just about to think that. “A speech, huh? You wouldn’t happen to be planning some annoying retirement party, would you?” 

His face fell just a little and then he moved quickly to looking insulted. But only jokingly so. “Okay, well, now that you called it annoying-” 

“Tony-” 

“Look. I just think it’s fair. We put in a ton of work. The least they can do is drink champagne from an open bar and- I don’t know- is it too much to ask for one of those oversized cards?” The sight of his grin encouraged your own smile. 

Something you hid as you bent forward, nuzzling your forehead against his shoulder. “Maybe asking a little too much from them, yes. They’re not really that socially coordinated.” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” 

The thought buzzed around in your head. Not angrily. But it did make you slightly nervous. Your tone backed off. Quiet and thoughtful. Not really wanting to invite the universe to give you ten more reasons that you couldn’t. “You really think we’re allowed to retire?” 

That question had been out there for much longer now than was fair. The both of you had had long discussions- too many at this point- about what an actual life looked like. One with each other. That you were in control of. No more of this superhero business that Tony had thrown himself into. ...it still didn’t seem possible. 

His own voice lowered to match yours. “That’s not a question I can answer on my own.” 

Meaning… he needed you there with him. He needed your agreement. Your consent. He needed you to walk along this path with him. He couldn’t decide to retire on his own and have you work. Nor could you walk away with him still on the frontlines. It just didn’t work that way. 

“How do you feel about it, Tony?” Sitting back again just so you could look at him. Have a real conversation with him about this. About the fate of your lives. The next chapter. 

He looked at you for a long time. Really thinking. And you appreciated it. “Well… Vision is no Ultron. Maybe he’s better for it.” The whole reason this had started. The one thing Tony had promised you. Ultron was what he’d been working on. To protect the earth. And to give you both the ability to feel safe. To… do exactly what you were talking about now. “He’s ready to be part of the team. And, don’t tell him I told you, but I think he’s our ringer right now.” 

JARVIS certainly seemed extremely powerful. It was hard to even label what it was he could do. But he was also holding an Infinity Stone. Whatever they were. Something also incredibly powerful. With it in his hands- good hands- the world did seem a little safer. Like he would come to challenge whatever tried to hurt it. Like an Avenger. 

You caught Tony looking at you. Waiting. Waiting for your judgment. You felt your brows knit. “You trust him? With our future?” Not just the world’s future. A little more selfishly so… you were asking if Tony could turn his back on the Avengers knowing JARVIS (or Vision, as they kept calling him) was there. That he trusted JARVIS to keep everyone safe, so that no matter the crisis, you and Tony didn’t have to come back onto the battlefield. 

“Next to you? JARVIS was the only other person I trusted that much. Vision might not be entirely JARVIS but. You’re right. There’s part of him there. Enough of him.” Talking himself through that thought until finally he nodded. “Yeah. I trust him.” 

This was a lot. This was saying more than a lot, in fact. Tony was ready to give up this life. He was ready to move on. He had been for a long time. But he knew the importance of what the two of you were doing. Of what the team was doing. He’d seen the horrors that you would never understand. He’d sat in space for a full minute- sometimes it still haunted him. Yet despite all that… he was ready. 

The question now was, were you? 

He startled you from your thinking when he raised a hand, the backs of his fingers brushing gingerly down over your temple and then traced the line of your jaw. “If you want me to beg, just say the words.” 

“Beg?” It was too much to ask that you didn’t fall immediately to pieces with the way he was looking at you. The way he was touching you. It was hard to think beyond that. “I don’t want you to beg-” 

“But I will. Whatever it takes to get you there- whatever I need to do- if I need to beg for you to run away with me- to start a life with me- I will. I want this. I want a home. I want stability. I want you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be safe. With me. And- frankly- I’m getting tired of sharing you with everyone else. So if you want me to beg-” 

His silence was easy to earn. You reached over, securing your hand around the middle of his tie, and drew him in with a pointed pull. He went very easily. Words stopping in a catch of breath, eyes lowering and then closing just as your lips connected. His palm went flat against the side of your neck. Against your wishes he broke back, so you chased him, and it was the parted lips, the small brush of tongues that made your muscles go slack. 

Which seemed to be fine. With another tug as you fell back, he followed you in, keeping close. His knees went to the sides of your thighs on the bed, while his hands reached out to steady himself over you. While you had him, you looped your arms around his neck, drawing him further. Kissing him harder. Leaving the two of you breathless. He was panting as he asked, “Is that a yes?” Smile the next thing pressed against your lips. 

But it didn’t stay. He was on the moved, dragging fleeting kisses down from your jaw and over your throat as your head tipped back all the way to give him access. “Tony- please-” The tingly scratch of his beard and mustache had you writhing beneath him.

An amused hum bubbled out from him, “I thought I was the one doing the begging?” A warm glow bounced back and forth between the two of you. Easy to acknowledge. Happiness.

Nothing simpler and yet somehow still nothing more complex. Almost strange to be able to access the feeling after everything the both of you had been through. But when you were together- like this- ...it was so easy. 

His teeth at the juncture of your shoulder and neck sparked a pleasurable thrum that had your hips lifting to meet him, a soft noise leaking from you. You were getting lost. So was he. You had to make sure you put a cap on this before it was too late. “Yes-” It came out in a quiet hiss, a half moan as he nipped again, working his way out towards the round of your shoulder. You tried again for something less salacious. “Yes- Tony- let’s do it-” 

At this he really did chuckle, a dark and loving noise that rumbled out against your skin and shot straight through you. “We’re about halfway there.” Teasing you so easily. “Though I’m not sure about the crass language. Usually you’re much more eloquent-” That smirk he was suddenly pressing onto your collarbone lit up all your hot points. “Tony-” Warning him. Liar that you were. Not even his smart-mouth sass would stop this. He probably knew that. “-but I’ll forgive you, considering...” Deciding better safe than sorry. Smart man that he was. His right hand moved down, cupping the back of your thigh, hefting you up into another press of hips that had your mind reeling- especially with the quiet groan it urged from him. 

“Yes- please-” Losing the thought again. Having to struggle to get it back. You settled your hands on the sides of his face, tugging him back up to look at you. His eyes were darkened with lust, but after only seconds of looking at you he eased into something far softer. “Tony- let’s retire. Let’s start our lives.” Agreeing. Finally. 

Your moment was now. You were finally going to have a life with him. An actual life. 

His smile was nothing short of enamored. “I love you.” He didn’t give you a chance to echo the sentiment as he closed in on another heated, deep kiss. Not with words- so you let him know anyway- 

I love you more. 

The message hit its mark almost instantly, and he went a little weak over you for just a handful of seconds. Then it seemed to renew his drive all the more. Yet he was moving in slow motion compared to after- when your hands moved down and you ruined his shirt. Ripping it open with a quick yank, sending torn buttons scattering. 

I need you. 

Another thing he needed to know. And as always, he was up to the task. 

It took no time at all after that- part of you wished you’d savored the moment- but the rest of you was intensely grateful when you were able to rid him of his clothes, and he of yours. His hand gripped your hip tight, and you pressed yourself against his warm body, legs locked around his waist, drinking in every moan between you as he fucked you senseless. As the two of you finally found time for each other. Found comfort in each other. 

Finally had time for each other. Finally were committing to each other.

Finally. Finally. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 178

Stocks dropped the next day. Nothing detrimental, but even one or two points never felt good. It was hard to explain why, too. And explain you had to, as you and Tony sat in an uncomfortable room with the Board. You weren’t scared of those people, and they couldn’t demand much of either of you. But they wanted to know what was going on. And maybe more importantly, what the two of you were planning on doing about it. If you even could. 

The Senate meeting had ended in your favor, so you’d thought. It was hard to understand why the public had had their confidence shaken. Maybe Wenham was more trouble than you originally thought. But still not a problem you couldn’t overcome, something you told the Board very strongly. And while they had their shortsightedness set on Tony for some reason, as he bore the brunt of their questions despite it being your show at the hearing, you didn’t feel bad at all for… influencing them. Just a little. Just enough to quell the heat. 

Just enough to get them to back off of him and leave feeling like everything was under control. It was, after all. This was certainly nothing you couldn’t overcome. A drop in the bucket. The next move, in fact, was easy enough to determine. If the public at large didn’t like the thought of you or any of the other Avengers being on trial for what had happened, you’d distract them with something else. Something new and exciting and shiny. Something about legacy. Something about improving the world you were still trying to clean up. 

Luckily for you and Tony, you’d just restarted the discussion about scholarships and grants. It was nice to have an easy ace in your back pocket for once. Stark Industries called for a presser three days after the senate hearing. The room was packed. 

“Tony and I are pleased to announce the initiative stages of our new grant under the banner of the September Foundation. We are looking to help bolster the dreams of students who want a better and brighter future not only for themselves but for the world. We’re targeting promising young students who have been curtailed by poor budget restrictions from public schools. Kids who need help the most and often don’t get it. Kids who are boxed out of getting scholarships that they desperately need because they’re not from a connected background or not athletically inclined. 

Kids who then have to turn to predatory loan systems that keep them bogged down in messes so great, their dreams of the future often get put on hold while they dig themselves out of debt. Stark Industries is aiming to help shape the future through kids just like that. We are in the beginning phases right now, and invite you to take a look on our website for more information. In addition to this, the pilot program for our detailed internships was an astounding success, and we’re looking to expand that program again. We’ll be looking for well qualified individuals with a taste for businesses and sciences who want hands-on experience in multiple fields. 

Tony and I will take a few questions.”

Probably a mistake. Usually always a mistake, to take any sort of questions at any sort of media event. But you had to do it for this one. And while most reporters kept their questions centered and focused on this exciting new thing Stark Industries was promoting, a few skewed towards recent events. Telling them that you’d already made a statement- several in fact- wasn’t enough for them. And you knew if you didn’t cut the meeting, it’d devolve completely into Sokovia and Avengers and Senate hearing talks. So you thanked them for their time, and tried to leave. 

It would have been smart  to disappear upstairs where no one could bother the both of you. But you had places to be immediately after. So down onto the front steps the both of you descended, while other news outlets were littered out along the sidewalk, waiting for this exact appearance. Happy was waiting with the car door open, Tony had his arm around you, the other one waving off microphones shoved in either of your direction. 

It was also a mistake- so many made today- to let Tony escort you into the back seat first. Because he was two seconds from getting in so the both of you could leave, and a question from a feisty reporter really hit its mark- “Mr. Stark! Can you comment on the public’s fear of the Hulk? Where is Bruce Banner now? Do you think he should be imprisoned for being so dangerous?” 

Uselessly you reached up to try and get a hold of his arm, but he’d already turned towards the crowd. A fire had lit up inside him. “A comment? My comment is that those concerns are baseless and wholly irresponsible. You’re talking about an esteemed member of the scientific community- and a hero. Bruce Banner has made it a mission to save lives. Usually at the risk of his own. Anyone willing to try and cut him down to help their own narrow-minded view of the world isn’t even worth the ink you’re going to use to print this headline.” 

A real gotcha moment. Tony had realized it too little too late. But more realistically, he probably didn’t care. After saying his piece, after defending his friend, he did what he always did. Mugged for the cameras flashing in his face to show just how much that hadn’t affected him. Threw up a peace sign. And then got into the car. Happy was quick pulling off the sidewalk. 

You reached over, uncurling Tony’s fingers from their tight fisted hold. He relaxed, but only slightly. It was a stupid question to ask, but there was only one reason he’d blow up like that over a question that was at this point standard. Shouted constantly. “No hits on Bruce yet?” 

His head dropped in a small shake. “Got some on identical wreckage. Banda Sea. If Hulk went down there, he had to swim somewhere. We just don’t know where yet.” Tony would never give this up. No matter what happiness the two of you were trying to earn, in quiet moments alone you knew he was still looking for Bruce. 

The information was so scattered. Hulk had taken off in the Quinjet for some reason. And now Tony thought he’d crashed it? Maybe more likely it had run out of fuel and just went down. But if that was the case, Bruce had surely survived. It seemed like the Hulk was almost immortal, sometimes… you had high hopes that he’d found his way to whatever area was nearest. Maybe had turned back into Bruce… You soothed your fingers over Tony’s palm. “We’ll find him.” 

“Depends on how much he wants to stay gone.” There was a sure defeat etched in Tony’s heart about this. He and Bruce had always been close. This was a tough loss to swallow. 

“At least we know he’s alive.” You were sure about this. Tony nodded, so he must have agreed. “Alive and…” He sighed slowly. “Out there. Somewhere.” 

“He’ll come back.” Reaching up, you touched the side of Tony’s face, turning him your way. Gently you removed his tinted lenses, just looking at him for a long time. “He might just need time to himself. You know how he is.” 

“He’ll think himself into a hole.” Tony understood this because… he was the same way. 

“I know. But when he’s ready for help getting out of it, he’ll go to you.” This you knew in your heart. When Bruce had come to his senses and realized he wasn’t getting anywhere by himself, he’d come back to Tony. One of the only people on this planet that had treated him with such care and kindness and with such humanity from the moment they’d met. You’d like to think yourself as close, but you knew Tony and Bruce had a special bond. 

Your reassurances eased his heart a little. “You really think so?” 

“I do.” Bruce would come back. You knew this. It just might not have been for a very long time. “Until then… telling reporters off is one way of lighting the way home for him.” Giving your okay for little spats here and there. It mattered little anyway, Tony would defend Bruce as often as he had to. 

But with your blessing, he smiled. “Glad to see we’re on the same page.” 

Yep. Exactly as you’d thought. No plans to stop telling off the press. 

Because it was Bruce… that was fine. 

                                                                --- 

On July 18th, Steve’s updated, new and improved, museum exhibit was set to be live the moment the doors open that morning. But, as you checked the press docket, he wasn’t expected to show up until three, to see the exhibit for himself. Take pictures with guests. And maybe answer some questions- about the exhibit. And nothing else. But you knew better than that. 

Steve might not have. 

Which was why it wasn’t a surprise when you arrived, fifteen minutes after three PM that day, walking through the Met and its storied pieces, waiting at the back of the crowd with everyone else, finding Steve overwhelmed completely with everything going on around him. Girls were asking for selfies. Boys wanted autographs and arm wrestling matches. Press had questions he didn’t want to answer. Things he struggled to talk about- 

Even things that he should have practiced the night before. Things about the exhibit, even. It was a question by a reporter on the left, who asked something about the Howling Commandos- who asked something about James Barnes- 

It not only sparked some sense of hurt in Steve, but prompted recognition from you. That missing piece of the puzzle. Something had changed between New York and Sokovia. And its name was Bucky Barnes. The Winter Soldier. The one that had nearly killed you- and beaten the life out of Steve. Bucky. His old friend who had died and been reborn as some Hydra experiment. 

That’s what had changed. Steve had gone out looking for him, and as far as you remembered, had come back empty handed. 

But how did that translate into his current attitude problems? You were still missing something. 

Either way, you finally took pity on Steve and parted the crowd, drawing your arm around his as cameras furiously started flashing as soon as your presence was at the forefront of the crowd. You gave them a little wave, ignoring Steve’s dual surprise and relief. You were there to save him. It couldn’t be any more obvious. “I think we should let Steve enjoy his own exhibit, shall we? He’ll be around later for more autographs, if you’d like. Let’s say around four PM.” 

Questions started coming your way- What were you doing here? What did you think of the exhibit? What’s it like fighting alongside a piece of American history? ...is there any relief expected by way of the American government for the Sokovians? You remained collected. “Let’s not take this day away from Captain America.” And promptly after that told them, “No more questions.” Drawing Steve a little tighter in your hold, and urging him away from the questions, the cameras, and all his adoring fans that he seemed to have no idea about. 

Flexing your power of persuasion (or perhaps more your status in the world) you easily got staff to keep everyone away and empty out the Cantor Roof Garden. One semi-uncomfortable elevator ride all the way up and you and Steve were allowed a big open space with no one save the people servicing the bar. “How about a drink?” 

He wasn’t frowning, but he wasn’t smiling, either. “Sure.” And he didn’t waste any time once you put an order in for two glasses of wine. “What are you doing here?” 

“Checking on you. I know these things can be overwhelming.” After dropping a hefty tip for the bartenders, you took hold of your glass and lifted the other one up Steve’s way. 

“I appreciate it.” Even this was hesitant. And as the two of you moved away to lounge at the edge of the roof, looking at the city, he continued. “That’s not all though.” 

“No.” Agreeing with him, taking a sip of liquid courage. “I thought we should talk.” 

“We’ve been doing a lot of that, for someone who’s supposed to be retired.” Finally he found a little humor, smiling around the rim of his glass. Though it disappeared as he made a face. Clearly not a fan of his drink. 

“You know me,” sighed out as you rested your elbow on the railing. “Can’t help myself.” You’d had so much you wanted to say, but… now that you were here, you didn’t know how. Or what it was supposed to sound like. 

As quick as it came, Steve’s smile warped into something nervous. Apprehension took hold of him. “Why does it feel like I’m in trouble?” 

“Look, I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gonna say it.” 

“Okay.” 

The both of you were looking at each other. You’d thought you knew how you were going to do this. But there was no good way. “What’s your problem with Tony?” 

“What?” Both his brows shot straight up. “Where’s this coming from all of a sudden?” 

It wasn’t fair to him, but you stayed focused. Watching him. Looking beyond the image he was presenting. “I feel like I missed every opportunity to address it, but something changed between you two. And I want to know what it is.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He went just slightly defensive, and wasn’t very good at hiding it. Turning away. Expression going just short of stony. “This is ridiculous. You came all the way here to ask me that?” 

You tried to be fair to him. You’d quite literally backed him into a corner. Without your protection he’d have to go back downstairs to the rabid mob that wanted to pick him apart. Yet… you had him on the rooftop doing the exact same thing. It made sense for him to be a little more than upset. “I came here because it’s bugging me. And I need to put it to bed.” 

“So do that. I don’t have a problem with Stark. I don’t know where you’re gettin’ that from.” 

“Every time you could, you put the blame on him for everything. I don’t know what you two argued about at Barton’s ranch, but I know it was bad. After the hearing you went straight for him. And you- Steve you hurled your shield at him. You remember that he’s just a regular person right?” 

“It wasn’t at him.”

 “Yes it was. I was there.” “So was I. And I think I know what I was doing better than you do.” Just like that the two of you had started arguing. It wasn’t with loud voices, but the pain was all the same. Steve shook his head. “Besides, Stark can take a little bit of heat- and he should have, considering Ultron was his fault.” 

“He was my fault, too. And Bruce’s. But you picked on Tony the most about it-”

“What now- I’m some schoolyard bully?” 

“Are you?” You finally raised your voice to ask this, edge sharp. The two of you were left staring at one another. Guilt wracked him heavily. “Steve, I don’t know what happened- but stop lying to me. You know I can tell, right?” His eyes dropped, and he set his glass down so he could cross his arms tightly. A storm was consuming him. “You left- to go find Bucky- things were okay then. Then you came back- you told me you had no luck- and suddenly everything was different. Why?” 

His heart squeezed, his stomach dropped. These feelings so heavy they penetrated you without much probing. But he was shaking his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about- and- even if I did- what does it matter? You two left.” There was a certain pain here. 

...some sense of betrayal that he’d either hidden very well or hadn’t had time to think about when you’d said you were going. Had he just been stewing this whole time? Was that it? But none of this helped you get to the bottom of what was going on with him. 

“We’re still here. I’m still looking out for the team. For you. I still care about you.” 

“Right.” He scoffed this out, looking up at you again. “That’s why you came here. Because you care about me.” This kind of smacked you broadside. “You came here to yell at me over Stark. If he has a problem with me he knows where to find me.” 

“He doesn’t. In fact, he didn’t want me to come talk to you at all. I do. I have a problem. I don’t like the way you’ve been treating Tony. You’ve changed and I want to know why- I need to know why, Steve, because you’re in charge of a team that needs your guidance. You’re a good man, I’m not questioning that. I don’t think I ever will. I just want to know what’s wrong.” Attacking him wasn’t helping anything. You cared about Steve, and giving him the impression you were picking favorites was not doing you any favors. You were careful as you reached out, putting a hand on his arm. He looked at the connection first and then at you. “Steve. Please. You know I care about you. I love you. You’re my family. Whatever happened, you can tell me.” 

If he needed help you would get him help. If he just needed to talk, you would spend hours talking until he was all talked out. Whatever he needed you would get for him. But he had to tell you. 

“I-” He was right there. On the edge. He was holding on to something. Something terrible. You felt it now. Only because it was bubbling to the surface now with your pressing. You held your breath. Something awful had happened to Steve when he’d left. Something that was making him act out. Maybe Tony was right. Maybe it had nothing to do with him, and Steve had just picked an easy target to vent his frustrations. “-Buck- he was in there. For just a few seconds. I put the shield down. I let him beat me. Because I knew he was in there. He could’ve killed me. But he saved my life.” 

Steve turned away, away from your touch. He settled his arms on the railing, looking out onto the city. You stayed standing in place, though you did hold your arms together. Trying to keep your balance. Steve was very suddenly bleeding emotionally. He needed to talk this out. 

So you had to let him. 

His head lowered. “He dragged me out of that river. And I spent months trying to get a lead on him. I found all his files. From- ...what Hydra was making him do.” Something clutched in his throat. You watched carefully but impassively. “And I- ...I-...” He stopped himself. Anxiety- dread hit a fever pitch inside him. But perhaps he sensed you were going to ask him to go on, so he pushed through to keep you from doing so. “-Buck is the only family I’ve got left. Except Peggy. And every time I go there… she remembers, and then she doesn’t. She gets startled. My being there hurts her every time. So really it’s just Bucky. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe you’re right. Maybe something has changed. It’s frustrating, not knowing where he is.” 

“Steve…” This wasn’t satisfying. You hadn’t come there assuming it would be. But this was… so much less than what you’d been hoping for. “We’re your family, too.” 

“Yeah. Sure. But. That part of me. Only he carries that. Only he understands me. I appreciate you- everything you’ve done- you mean a lot to me. But Buck is one of the last pieces of that life I’ll ever have. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m taking something out on Tony that I shouldn’t be. I’m sure he’s not holding his breath for an apology.” 

You felt your nose wrinkling, your lips pursing. This wasn’t everything. He was holding back. But this was… something. “Does he remind you of Howard or something?” Did that make sense? Steve had one foot in the past and one foot in the present- or the future, to him at least. Maybe where he had lost Bucky and had been unable to retrieve him, where he was lamenting Peggy’s failing faculties- 

Tony reminded him of a part of his life that he was grasping at. 

A chill swept across him that startled you. His eyes closed. He linked his hands together, and squeezed. It felt like you were holding your breath again. Something dark was swirling inside of Steve. And every part of you rejected it. “Maybe he does. If I’ve been careless- or even aggressive, I’m sorry.” 

This was not even close to good enough. He was holding on to something- something important. You knew it now. “No. This is not good enough.” 

This surprised him, though, and he looked up suddenly, turning towards you. “What?” 

“You’re a bad liar- and omission is still lying. What is it? Just talk to me!” 

He got angry again. “I thought that’s what we were doing. I’m sorry what I’m going through isn’t good enough for you.” 

“That’s not what I meant. And I can’t ever know what that’s like. And I’m sorry. But there’s something else going on. And if you’re not gonna tell me what it is- I’m going to find out.” 

Steve had left to find Bucky. Fine. The last piece of that part of his life. Fine. He’d been unsuccessful and it was hurting him. Fine. But something he’d done while he was out doing that- something he’d seen or come across- He was hiding something. 

He squared up to you, facing you completely. Waiting. A small pause while his gaze stayed with yours. “Nothing else is going on.” 

Lie. Guilt. 

 He continued, even through your hard-eyed stare. “And anything else that is- ...it doesn’t have anything to do with you. Or Stark. Not everything does, sorry to say..”

He was never going to give whatever this was up. Never. You knew it now. Maybe it was something deeply personal. Maybe you had no right to it. For all you knew, maybe he’d found Bucky. Gotten into a fight with him. Murdered him by accident. Who even knew? Who knew anymore? You thought you knew Steve but clearly… clearly that had stopped being the case right around the time Bucky had reappeared. Steve was even saying as much right now. To your face. 

“That better be true.” 

“Or what?” 

Was threatening him the right move? Especially if it was something personal to him. Maybe you were going about this the wrong way. You’d wanted to talk to Steve. To tell him to clean up. You’d… sort of done that. Now this had warped into something else. And you weren’t exactly handling it well. “Or I’ll never trust you again.” 

You didn’t have to say it, as the both of you stared each other down. He seemed pained again. Hurt that you’d say something like that. Hurt that you didn’t trust him even now. 

But. Finally, “Well it is true. So I don’t know what else to tell you.” 

                                                               ---

Tony looked up from the couch as you came in. You stepped out of your heels by the front elevator and walked over to him, falling in a heap, stretching out, putting your head in his lap. He stopped what he was working on, tossing his tablet away to the other end of the couch and ran his fingers through your hair. “Good talk, huh?” 

“Oh. Great.” You let out a slow sigh, eyes fluttering closed. “He apologized for the way he was acting, at least.”

 “All his sins are forgiven, I’m sure.”

 “Mn.” You started drifting just a little with those gentle massages at your scalp.

Tony waited, letting you enjoy yourself for just a little while. But, finally, “What’s your verdict?” 

Even now you hadn’t gathered your thoughts. They weren’t anything good, anyway. Blinking up at him, your eyes found his. He waited. Patiently. And eventually… “Steve is having some internal struggles about which life he’d like to live. And as long as Bucky Barnes is at large, they’re never gonna get better.” That was the one thing that was clearest. That was the one thing that made sense. 

“...but?” But Tony knew better. Tony knew you. He knew what you’d walked in with- some large, dark cloud. He could feel your hesitation. Your uncertainty. 

You just had no idea what to do with it. “That’s not all, I don’t think, but… Steve promised me that was it. Or at the very least he went pretty hard on the idea that it’s none of our business- and has nothing to do with either of us. So. For now I have to believe him.” 

Steve wouldn’t open up. There was nothing you could do but take him at his word. 

Tony’s head dropped a little in a light nod. “You okay with that?” He reached into his pocket with a small bit of a shuffle, but then settled, taking hold of your left hand so he could slide your engagement ring back into its rightful place.

Did you really trust Steve? Were you going to be able to let this issue rest? That’s what was really being asked of you. 

What more could you do? You let yourself be distracted by the fullness of being home with Tony, safe, sound and happy. In the blissful stupor you were tired of grasping for, you made up your mind. “Yeah. I’m okay with that.” 

Hopefully that would be the end of it. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ 💙 Chapter 176💙

Sleeping in until ten in the morning was a luxury you were well aware of. However, waking up next to a still sleeping Tony? That was beyond luxury. One the both of you hadn’t had in a long while. It was why you didn’t wake him immediately, instead admiring the deep sleep as it still held him. The steady rise and fall of his bare chest. The peace that had enveloped him. 

It was an accident, of course, but when you settled your hand over his heart, he stirred. Perhaps ready to not be asleep any longer, even if unconsciously. It was instinct, you were mostly sure, that drove his own hand up, moving to cover yours. He then lifted, breathing out a long, low noise as he dragged his lips along the inside of your palm until finally pressing a real kiss at the center of your wrist, and you felt the curve of his smile against your skin. 

“Good morning.” You’d already disturbed the moment, so there was no harm in getting the first two words in. 

They caused a wider grin, and the drift of his lips from your palm to your wrist. “Good morning.” Echoed back in a rumble. Not fully awake. “Does that look as good on you as I think it does?” Surprising you with his sudden coherency, though his tone hadn’t changed. 

What he meant, of course… It was your first morning as a newly engaged couple. What an exhilarating feeling. 

So much so that you let it propel you. He was asking a question. You were keen to answer. Moving the blankets aside, you sat up and then settled yourself atop him, hands in a slow wander over his chest. His eyes strayed, as they always did. First to you, down to your chest, appreciative smile widening as his hands touched over your hips- but then they moved back up, same as his eyes.

He captured your hands in his, fingers twining, and held them low and center. Squeezing first, then he let go, his touch falling back to your waist. Your hands held in the air for a moment, confused what to do without him, but you got a very good idea- at least he seemed to think so, as you lifted your hands, running them down over your chest. 

Ring on full display. That’s what he’d asked about. So… why not show him? His sleepy smirk got the better of you. Easy to tell, as your hips shifted down against his, and his moved in turn. He sucked in a small, warm hitch from his parted lips. And after, “Looks even better.” 

“You think so?” Playing at coy as you gave your breasts a little squeeze. Not minding putting on a little show for him, eyes going purposefully half-lidded. 

His brows lifted quick and then back down, eyes growing dark. “I know so. But…” The tip of his tongue swiped out across his lower lip before he drew it between his teeth. His hands held you a little tighter, keeping you in place while his hips pressed up against yours again. “-I don’t think I’d mind testing the theory… if you’ll stay right there…” 

“Mn…” Less of a show now and more just… unable to help yourself from enjoying him. Your head fell just a little back, hair moving, a few stray pieces falling over your eyes. You couldn’t help the grin that went with the tease, “Right here?” Punctuating the statement with an impression of your hips. 

He huffed out a noise just short of a groan, eyes fluttering closed for just a second and then opening again to look up at you. “-alright, maybe not right there.” His grin was lazy and damnably handsome. “Maybe just up a little-” Fingers drawing a little tighter around your hips, helping you by propping you up. It was too much to ask that you not ogle while his biceps flexed. But once he had you right where he wanted you… 

The positioning was easy, and you almost thought about not giving him what he wanted.

Reveling in the feel of him teasing himself against you. Enough to throw you for a loop. Enough to make you unable to wait as long as you wanted. With an easy roll forward you sank down, filling yourself with him. The feeling overwhelmed you, your senses, and you hadn’t realized that your hand had shot down to clutch his until the slow brush over the backs of your fingers brought you forward.

He was admiring you, when you remembered to look. Smile warm and hazy. That was when you realized you couldn’t bear to be that far away from him, and eased forward, hands landing at the sides of his head against the sheets, mouth finding his in a deep kiss. His hands roamed up your back, holding you there as he pumped lazily into you.

This was what you wanted. It was what you needed.

Him. Always him.

                                                                       ---

While you wanted to stay away and pretend like it would be like that forever, you and Tony weren’t completely divorced from everyday life- a lot of which still had to do with The Avengers, much as you’d been trying to get out. And even more of it had to do with Stark Industries which was… sort of the same amount of taxing but in a different way. And very soon you became to appreciate just how stupid a request you’d made. Asking to keep things quiet was hard. Harder than you’d expected.

June began with meetings and annoying little things that you were capable of handling. Easier things than saving the world. The clean-up of it, though… that was something else. And every other moment you had to catch yourself from staring at the empty space on your finger. Hiding the engagement meant taking the ring off every morning before heading downstairs to your office. And it was like taking a piece of you off every time.

Maybe it was silly, but you just couldn’t help yourself. It especially didn’t help at all when Tony gave you those sad puppy dog eyes. It was no surprise he wanted to announce it. Show you off- show off your engagement to each other. Announce to the world here we are, and we’re not going anywhere. Only forward. That was what he wanted to do, and maybe in some parts you did, too. But… it was also nice. Coming back up to the Penthouse (the both of you having decided not to make the Facility a mainstay until the Tower was emptied out of all things Avenger… and maybe it’d make the transition easier, too, if everyone had actual time apart)-

When the days came to a close you’d come back up.

And Tony would be waiting. With the ring. And it was almost like proposing all over again. He’d slip it onto your finger and give you one of those smiles that melted your heart. Then the two of you would get lost in each other. With an energy and affection like that… 

All the more incentive to power through the day to keep your privacy. To keep the feeling of just being only each other’s alive. 

One of the days you found needing that extra strength came in the middle of the month, on an unassuming Tuesday. The 16th, to be exact. You had a meeting with Damage Control. The staff that had swarmed one of your conference rooms were buzzing. Talking amongst themselves. At least until you entered. You sat at the front of the table, folded your hands together, and let Maria Hill- 

Who seemed less like the Maria Hill you remembered- In that weird way that you wanted nothing to do with- -Maria took control of the meeting. She turned on the holograph display. Went through statistics. Numbers. Tallies on casualties and injured. Still missing. What the scorched earth that Ultron had left behind looked like. You sat there. Quietly. Holding yourself together. And when the silence came, when the lights went up, you pretended to be in control. 

“Tony sent out final tallies of assumed Sentries- we can’t be sure. Let’s overestimate. They should be in everyone’s inboxes. We need groups out scouring a twenty mile radius outside ground zero. I don’t want another meeting until we’ve hit quota. If a single one of those bots gets into somebody else’s hands, it’s trouble.” Your first priority was always the people. Well. That ask was going to take a long time. 

This wasn’t a situation like New York. Sokovia had been obliterated. And its people were now struggling to find places to be. Governments weren’t being as cooperative as you would have liked, something else that you were going to have to strongarm an initiative over. But that would take more time than you had in regards to clean up. So this time it had to be the other way around. 

“The world was privy to what Ultron had been doing. What he was. His scrap pieces will be sold to the next highest bidder. And the chances of them being kind are nil. From now until we get a final count, I want Damage Control working on reclaiming all his missing pieces. We don’t stop until there’s none of him left.” 

Yes, ma’am. It rang from every throat in that room. If this was any closer to something you didn’t want to be responsible for any longer, they’d have given you a salute, too. 

A headache was forming. The agents left. All except for Maria who stood with her arms crossed at the door. Waiting for you. And when you approached, she tilted her head. “Fury wants to speak with you.” 

“Which one?” This came out of you before you could stop it. This was not a discussion you wanted to have right now. And her shocked expression told you all you really needed to know. “He’s-” 

“I don’t have time for this. Whatever this little game is. And I really don’t care. Not anymore. So if it’s not urgent, let’s all just stay out of each other’s way, alright?” That was part of the life you didn’t want to have a foot in anymore. Fury- Talos- whoever this one was- you wanted none of it to matter.

Maybe if you kept telling yourself it didn’t, eventually it wouldn’t. 

                                                                      ---

Selfishly, among the other more important things, you started drawing up NDAs. Started working on the bid for land development. Started work to find a good developer. A great architect. An even better interior designer. All of whom were bound to the highest form of legal secrecy. And if that wasn’t enough… when you met with a handful of people, you let your presence dictate you were not someone to fuck around with. 

If a shred of any of what you were talking about somehow leaked to the press, they wouldn’t have to worry about fines or jail time. They’d have to worry about you. And there was no telling what you would do if they jeopardized your secure future with Tony. That was what you imparted to them. And they took it very seriously. 

Smart people that they were. 

House building wasn’t really your forte, so they’d have to draw up some plans after the land was reworked and just run them by you and Tony and keep working on them until it looked like whatever picture the both of you had in your heads. That was going to take a while. Which was fine. You and Tony weren’t in a rush to greet the new dawn. Not yet, anyway. 

But even more secret than private world building… 

You had a jeweler meet you for lunch after a downtown meeting. You’d been doing some very private research. On if… women were allowed to give men engagement rings. If that was a thing that even existed- well- sure it did- but. After a man proposed, were they still allowed to give a ring in return? 

...were you? You kind of wanted to. And you were keen to find out if you could perhaps make some sort of slim stackable. An engagement ring that suited his eventual wedding band. 

Tony, of course, could absolutely not find out about this. Half the fun of it would be surprising him with it. And, of course, not even the dumbest jeweler in the world would tell you no that’s not a thing that’s done. You were who you were, after all, and it was clear you wanted to do this-

But even clearer than that was money. And you were willing to spend… whatever a proper engagement ring that matched with a wedding band cost. Something of which you had no idea. However, you at least didn’t get the sense that the guy was trying to pull one over on you. No. Instead he seemed genuine and delighted to be able to help you. He said he’d draw up something, and have it to you by tomorrow based on your babbling at him over what you thought might look good. 

You’d let him leave fifteen minutes ahead of you, so as to not be suspicious. And you were busy tucking the freshest NDA of the bunch into your bag as you stepped out onto the curb. Happy was waiting for you. 

And so was Ms. Christine Everheart. 

A true shame. You’d almost made it to July without any real incidents to speak of. 

“Can I get a quote from you?” She already had her recorder out. 

“If it’s something important, Pepper will forward it to me.” You were almost in the car. Happy had the door open for you. He was eying Christine down pretty hard- 

Not that it fazed her at all. “I’m blacklisted from your office. We both know that. Why don’t you tell me how you feel about being directly responsible for the deaths in Sokovia? If not that, can I get your reaction to a series of polls WHiH has been releasing- on the general public’s opinion on whether or not vigilante superheroes should be held accountable for the kind of destruction the Sokovians suffered?” 

“If it wasn’t this, it’d be something else.” You were half in the car.

“Excuse me? Hey- maybe you’d care to comment on how dangerous Bruce Banner is- and talk about the deaths he caused in Johannesburg?” 

And half back out. Mistake. Huge mistake. But you just couldn’t help yourself. “I said- if it wasn’t this, it’d be something else. Because that’s what signs your paychecks. An editor over you who tells you to go out and bother people. Maybe for causes you don’t even believe in. But that doesn’t matter as long as the cash keeps coming in, right, Christine? You’ll blame everyone and anyone just to try and get a front page story- or- get something with a high click-rate, anyway. Have I mentioned how terrible it is that they pulled your daytime show? Must make you really desperate to get something juicy. Well, here’s a quote for you, you can go fuck yourself. And be grateful for the people bigger than you who would risk their lives to save you no matter what you said about them. Because I sure as hell know I could never count on you to do the right thing. Not since 2009, anyway. It’s been a long fall from grace.” 

Happy couldn’t get the door closed fast enough. 

                                                                      ---

Tony was there, right as you got off the elevator. Welcoming you home with an arm around your shoulder- and a soothingly tight hug after that. “Long day, honey?” 

There was only one reason he’d ask something like that. Not that it wasn’t obvious. “What’d she put up on her website?” Mumbling into his shoulder, hands reaching up to clutch at his shirt. 

“Who knows? Seems like somebody DDoSed it.” 

Tilting your head up, you tried to give him an unsatisfied look. “Tony…” 

“Yes, dear?” 

“We can’t suppress the media.” Really, that was the last thing you needed. To get Stark Industries in the middle of some giant conspiracy about suppressing stories. No. No you weren’t sure you could deal with something that huge. 

But his slight smirk made you feel almost okay with it. “Are you insinuating I had something to do with it?” 

“I’m saying I know you did. She bothered me. And she brought Bruce into it. Now her website doesn’t work. That has you written all over it.” That was about as much common sense as it got. 

He readjusted, putting an arm over your shoulder, walking you slowly into the kitchen. “It actually doesn’t.” Waving his other hand in a little shrug. “-not in a traceable way, anyway.” 

“Tony-” He had the best of intentions, all done with love, of this you had no doubt. But he was an idiot sometimes. 

“If you want me to say I’m sorry, I won’t.” 

“I don’t. I know you’re not. I’m not either.” Stopping at the kitchen island, you pressed your hands a little more against his chest and peered up at him. “But- don’t do that again. We don’t need that type of backlash and… I’m not scared of Christine. Or her readers- watchers. Whatever they are. Her fans.” 

His next smile was an easy one as his hands settled on your hips. “I know you’re not. And, for the record, her whatever they are don’t seem to get along with her, either. So you’ve got that going for you.” 

You couldn’t help the tilt of your head. “How do you mean?” 

“FRIDAY, pull up those polls Ms. Everheart was talking about.” At his direction, the tablet implanted in the counter lit up and he tapped his fingers on it and then drew it upwards into the air. “Seems like the general public is still on our side.” 

It was a little too much to ask that your eyes not glaze over those numbers and questions. The graphs were a little friendlier to read. All pressing questions though… things like are you in favor of the regulation of superheroes? And who should pay for the damages caused by superheroes? And… do you feel safer with superheroes? 

All in favor of your people.

And perhaps a very telling one… 

Asking people if they felt like you were being responsible with your resources and time… if people felt like you were genuine. 

Overwhelmingly yes. 98%. In favor of you. 

The people were still on your side. That was… very very good. 

You raised a hand up, pushing the graphs out of the air until they disappeared completely. Tony then caught that hand, reaching into his pocket with his other so that he could retrieve your ring. As he slid it onto your finger you couldn’t help your smile. Feeling that same sense of completeness that you’d come to crave. 

“Let’s keep the public on our side, shall we? And not squash media we don’t agree with.” You moved your now ringed hand to cup his cheek in your palm. He just kept on smiling. “Like I said. Doesn’t have me anywhere on it.” 

“It better not.” 

“It doesn’t.” 

Leaning up on tiptoe, you pressed a light kiss to his lips. And- when you were mostly finished, though not by his say-so, “Do you think it’s too late to do something for the 4th of July?” 

“A date?” Mumbled out as he kept trying to kiss you. 

“Sure- but- also-” Having a hard time speaking, as kisses grew more frequent and urgent. ...and suddenly you’d been lifted up onto the counter. “-how about some fireworks? From the Tower- just a little something for people-” 

“We can arrange that-” Somehow his shirt had been taken off. 

Probably by the same mysterious force that had your legs wrapped tight around his waist. “-remind me when we’re finished to make some calls-” 

“You remind me-” 

“-I’ll remind you to remind me-” 

“-sure- sure- sounds great-” 

When the two of you had gotten naked was beyond you. And not important. 

The only thing that was important was that you were home. You were his. And he was yours. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ 💙 Chapter 175💙

Two towns over, there was a quiet stretch of countryside home to million dollar pied-a-terres and their residents. The spot you’d picked was nice. You liked that spot. But you also didn’t want to be caught around there too much. Especially right now. After that whirlwind of a proposal and all the emotions that had bubbled out after it, you made him mark the spot on his map. You’d come back. But right then you needed to be a little bit away. Somewhere easier to celebrate. 

The city nearby was alight with life as night had come, which was a little less what you’d been hoping for, but it was fine all the same. You wanted a rooftop balcony. Champagne. A place to celebrate. Quietly. Just the two of you. Driving back to New York would have been fine, but this was almost the same thing with even less eyes- 

...eyes. Something that pinged your awareness nearly as soon as you stepped into an overly ritzy hotel lobby. Upstate rich people really had no taste for decoration. The front desk clerk perked up as soon as he saw the both of you approaching, and you maybe made it a little too obvious what you were doing- winding your arms around one of Tony’s. He even lifted his brow as he gave you a sidelong glance but it lasted a mere second.

Because after that it clicked right into place. He went back to being his usual cool and confident self. It was entirely unlike you, to be clingy like this. In public, no less. But one thing this town had going for it was the people who worked there were used to exercising discretion. “How can I help you?” 

“Top top floor. Balcony with a view. And can we have a bottle of whatever champagne you prefer up?” Tony was used to making glamorous demands. But you brought a little more humanity when you at least followed his request up with, “Please.” It’s not like Tony was ever rude to waitstaff- not that you’d seen- and not since you’d been with him like this (otherwise he might not have been so attractive to begin with), but he had a careless way about him sometimes when he was in his own head. 

The man behind the desk smiled. “Sure thing. My pleasure.” At least reading the room right. You and Tony wanted something big, fancy, and most importantly private. Really, it was the last part that mattered the most to you. But… big and fancy never hurt. You made sure to hang on to Tony all through the key getting and the card swiping and walking over to the elevator. Even on the elevator. There was a nice big camera pointed at the both of you from the corner. Tony even pushed the button for you. As it ascended to the tippy-top floor, as requested, he let go of an amused scoff. “Got something you wanna say?” 

“Once we’re in the room.”

To the front desk attendant’s credit, there was a bucket of chilled champagne with a red ribbon around it waiting for you on the front table as soon as the two of you entered the room. They must have been ready for requests like that. Probably had someone from the kitchen bring it up before Tony had even handed over his credit card. After shutting the door you let go of him and he went over to uncage the cork and then pop it. “You’re not about to tell me you hate the ring, right?” 

“No.” Smiling at him as he poured out two glasses. “Of course not. It’s beautiful.” A double twist band embedded with diamonds- and your favorite gemstone sitting in square set prongs. 

“Good.” He handed you your glass and you made a big deal out of taking it with your left hand, even giving a little flourish that encouraged a grin out of him. “Because I really like that one.”

“Ah.” You clinked your glass against his and then tilted it back for a smooth sip. The taste was crisp and just a little tart. You were no champagne connoisseur, even after years of living this lifestyle, but you imagined it was probably very good, and also very expensive. “I thought I’m supposed to like it?” 

“You are. But I think my opinion counts, too.” Carefully he wound his free arm around your waist, leading you towards the other big part his request at the front desk- the beautiful balcony. There were little twinkly lights strewn about, and probably over-expensive patio furniture. It did look nice, though. Once you both eased at the railing he tipped his head your way. “Seriously. What’s the matter?” 

Though you’d thought he understood, maybe he’d just moved on from making a scene because it had only occurred to him something was on your mind. That was fine, too. But it left a lot of explaining. “Would you be mad…” 

“Always a great way to open a conversation.” Smirking now. 

You half-grinned back giving him a small playful shove. “Stop. I just- I know we’ve waited- you waited. A long time. To do this.” It was hard not to look at it. The way it fit on your finger. The way it seemed to change the shape of your hand. ...the silly way it kind of felt like it changed everything. Even though it didn’t. You and Tony had been proclaimed to each other with or without a ring. But still… 

“That.” Echoing your sentiment as he caught your hand, lifting it a little further up. Inspecting just as you were. “It really suits you, you know.” 

“Hmn. Is that a self-serving compliment-” “Always.” “Or are you making some statement about how I was made for marriage?” 

“Let’s not get political.” Shrugging with another handsome grin. “But- if it’s made for marriage to me- does that make it alright? Also- I feel like you’re stalling.” 

Caught red handed. You rolled your eyes in defeat with a little downturn of your head. A sigh was not too far after. “Yeah.” 

The joking died and he waited until you gave him your attention again. Then, as he looked at you, it finally seemed to click. “You don’t wanna tell anyone.” His expression was so neutral. Gave nothing away. ...and it didn’t help that even internally he didn’t seem to know what to feel about this. 

“Not yet.” Quick as those two words came out of you- maybe a little too quick. There was something about the small shift in his eyes. And that little tingle of nervousness he was trying to hide. “Not forever. Just-” You didn’t want to dump on him- you didn’t want to do this right now- but… you just couldn’t help it. “I want something that’s just ours. We share so much- even sometimes things we don’t want to. People find out stuff. Paparazzi take pictures everywhere we go. I just… I want to enjoy this with you. Because it’s ours. I know I can’t change our lives or the way we live but… We can have this. We can hold on to this. For just a little while.” 

A small sense of hurt seemed to take hold of him, squeezing his heart. “I had no idea you felt like that- I mean it makes sense- this life isn’t for everyone-” 

Setting your glass down on the railing, you reached up, holding the sides of his face in your hands. “Listen to me, Tony. I’m not saying I regret our life, or any of the choices we’ve made- or I’ve made- to be here. I don’t. I love you. It’s annoying, sometimes, the spotlight, but it is what it is. And you know I’ve never been afraid of it. But…” You chanced a smile up at him, and he lifted his free hand to take hold of your wrist, thumb stroking over the sensitive skin on the underside. “You said it yourself. You’re tired of sharing me. I feel that way, too.” 

This seemed to connect enough dots along with your assurances that you weren’t getting burnt out on everything. You realized how easy it was to make that assumption after you’d only just semi-quit the Avengers. Maybe you’d been thinking about quitting this life, too. But that was impossible. And not something you had ever considered. You just wanted something that belonged to the both of you. 

He hummed out a little noise of amusement and let you guide him down closer. “I did say that…” 

“You did.” Murmuring this as you pressed your lips to his, getting eagerly lost in a gentle and lingering kiss. It dazed him in all the right ways. Maybe you, too, just a little. But you did have another thought, so when you pulled back, “Plus- I’m not ready to lose my cool status. And be on three daytime talk shows asking about my dream wedding and if this is what I’ve been planning since I was a little girl.” 

His brow arched in that fine way and he cast a dubious look at you. “Being married isn’t cool? Or is it that it’s just to me.” Grinning. “And- that’s fine- if you want, I’ll go on all the talk shows.” 

“Oh. Would you? That’d be great. I’ll start booking for you immediately.” You pressed yourself closer to him, winding your arms around his neck. He finally got the idea and set his glass of champagne down alongside yours, sweeping you up in an embrace that eventually turned to sweeping you off your feet while one kiss turned to another into another… 

He tried to mumble out something in between kisses, but you weren’t ready to get back into discussion yet. ...eventually he did get some words out, though. “So. You wanna be secret fiances. Is that the gist of this? You know- before we get caught up-” Smart man that he was. Because it was heading that way very very soon. 

Now that you were free from standing, he took direction to head off the balcony and back inside the suite- while you tried to busy yourself. Still kissing his lips, the corner of his jaw, the side of his neck… “Yes. Just for a little while. I just want this to be for us. Not forever. Just… a little while…” Thoughts getting a little lost. You tried to catch yourself up, stopping your lips from dragging over any more patches of skin. And instead you directed an open look his way. “Is that okay with you?” 

You couldn’t imagine a reason that it wouldn’t be, but then again… Tony was a very prideful man. And he’d always been that way especially in regards to you. His little speech on a grassy hill in Italy came back in a whisper- 

There’s not a damn thing I would change about you. And if the papers don’t print that I don’t deserve you when they figure it out, they’re not writing the right story.

“I love you.” His voice had lowered to something warm yet strangely intense as he set you down on the edge of a bed too large for either of you. “As long as you want. Hell, we could go elope right now, if it’d help.” Teasing. Just a small tease. ...but maybe there was some edge of truth to it. 

You scooted back, allowing him to move up in a small climb, and when you fell back onto the bed completely, he followed you in, kneeling over you on his arms and knees. “I don’t want to just rush into this.” Though you wondered, really, if it mattered. Getting married… wasn’t it just a piece of paper? Yet somehow it felt like something more. You knew deep in your heart, with your entire being, that you loved Tony. That you would be with Tony until the very very end- wherever that was. So did getting married mean that much, compared with all that? 

...strangely, for some reason, it felt like it did. Maybe it was that you wanted to do this right. Whatever right was. Tony had waited so patiently for you- to even accept a proposal. He’d wait to get married, too. The both of you would. Maybe that’s what made the notion special. Knowing that it was coming. That you both wanted it. Just some ceremony. Tying your lives together. Putting it out there in the world. 

Touching your fingers along the sides of his necks and down to his shoulders, you smiled up at him. “I also don’t want to be one of those couples that’s engaged forever. But. For a little while…” With a small pull you urged him to lower just a little. Closer. His nose brushed yours, half-lidded eyes gazing down at you. Waiting. Waiting on your word. Waiting for you. As always. “I want to be engaged to you. And you to me. We own this. Together. For just a little while…” Somewhere in the middle of that your voice had lowered into a mere whisper, eyes closing as his lips barely ghosted yours. 

You felt his smile. More than just the curve of his lips. It was the warm that poured out from his heart suddenly. Covering you like a blanket. Wrapping you up. Keeping you safe. Contented. “Kinda like when we first started out, hmn?” His own tone was just a rumble, barely there. Refusing to give up the space enough to actually speak. 

But he was reminding you of a lifetime so far away now. A time when you and Tony had refrained from public affection as best as you could until the both of you couldn’t seem to stand it anymore. You hadn’t wanted to be a public headline. And you certainly hadn’t wanted to be mocked just for your affection for him- Tony Stark. Playboy. You hadn’t wanted to be just another speculation, a question mark in his life. The public wondering when he’d get bored. 

But that moment had never come. The two of you had been a team. The love you felt was something so raw and real it almost- almost frightened you. But you knew you had nothing to be scared of. 

“Kind of like that.” Another tiny whisper between kisses that had started again. Slow, again. And promising. Your left hand- now home to a ring that he’d been holding on for far too long- a symbol of his patience and that same deep unyielding, undying love- shifted. Laying just over his heart. “I love you, Tony.” One of the only things you knew for sure. 

It was almost like the bed fell away beneath you. And the two of you fell headlong into an ocean. Drenched in such an intense feeling as he held himself over you, hands curling into fists, kissing you deeply. Letting you know- 

I love you. More than anything. 

And you believed him. 

You believed him because you knew. You knew you loved him the same way. And, as you kept saying, just for a little while you wanted to belong to only each other. No press, no speculation, no need for warmth and congratulations from close ties. You just needed each other. 

The two of you bled together in that intimate way that belonged to only you before you’d even gotten out of your clothes. It made it hard to tell which was was up, which way was down. The physical seemed so much less important- though you did feel the heat of his mouth on bare patches of your skin- you felt the heat of him pressed against you as breathing hitched, caught, and then became ragged. 

Your fingers drew up his back as one easy roll of his hips sent him so shatteringly deep that you forgot yourself for a moment. Had no idea where you were- just that it was with him. And a hand over his heart, and his over yours, in that space that was only yours. The one you shared with him- 

You felt yourself winding so tight. Going just a little crazy. Forced up against an edge and then spilling over far too soon. You had no idea what to do with yourself. He knew every right move, knew exactly what to do to drive you wild. Maybe one of the reasons you barely knew yourself as you pressed his shoulders, got him to move- it felt like the room was spinning. Like you’d emptied that entire bottle of champagne without remembering. 

He moved all the way back at your behest, sitting with his back against the headboard. You settled yourself over his hips, left hand to his chest, right at his shoulder, arching your hips up and then down to sink his cock deep in one easy move. His own hands held you steady, and you bent just that little space forward to try and press yourself to him completely. It made it a little difficult to move, but you wanted this closeness. 

The redness on his face, the inviting darkness from his eyes, and the way he caught his mouth against yours- it all left no room for argument. This was what he wanted, too. And behind closed eyes you still saw him. Still felt him. Fell headlong into him. There was so little between the both of you until it became nothing at all. No barriers. Just the both of you drifting in and out of one another. 

It was hard to tell how many times he had to hold you- How many times he had to keep you from falling away- He called your name more than once. And similarly more than once it had no voice. No presence in your ears. But still the sound of him calling to you took definite shape in your heart. 

You clutched tighter to him. Unable to let go as your limbs started trembling, as breathing grew so heavy it felt like you might pass out. And there was a sure wetness behind your eyes, a push from this intense joining. “I love you-” Your voice cracked and caught on a breath out. “I love you, Tony.” 

I love you. I love you. I love you. 

The tilt of his head nudged your awareness up, and when your hazy vision returned, you saw a mirrored sheen in those beautiful brown eyes of his. Wet eyes and warm smiles aimed directly at each other. In a sweet caress so soft it threatened to break you again, his hand smoothed up your bare back, touching along your spine, drawing a languid arch that you just couldn’t help. But he didn’t stop, and soon his fingers wound into the back of your hair, palm cupping the base of your skull. 

And he just held you. Eyes watching yours. 

“I love you.” 

More than anything. Always. Forever. 

Branding these words somewhere deep inside you. A mark only he’d see. One only he’d know he put there. And it was wonderful. 

Your legs were shaking as your body demanded you keep moving. His lips were careful against yours as he tried to nudge some coherency your way. His voice caught you by surprise when he asked, “Do you wanna stop?” 

“No.” You knew this. You knew it immediately. “Don’t stop.” A quiet beg as you kissed him deeply again. 

So he didn’t. And soon you really had no idea where he began and where you ended. 

In those moments… the world was perfect. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 173

It was terribly difficult to get a speech written for the press conference coming up in… three hours from now. You’d been lingering over it all morning. Rhodey had gotten the first phone call over it- one of appreciation for his efforts, of course, and to check on his status. And then to ask him if he’d like to make it official. Him agreeing set another feeling of relief in motion. Knowing you had so many good people taking your spots… that made the thought of stepping back easier. It was also terribly funny. The thought of appointing him as the Avengers’ military liaison. When the two of you had met… he’d been doing the same thing for Stark Industries. And round the circle went...

While you and Tony had gotten caught up in thoughts of retirement you knew this was far more likely to be a changing of positions. The Avengers still needed a lot of help, even if it wasn’t physically fighting battles. You still had your own title with the UN, forced on you or not. And after a catastrophe like Sokovia, it wouldn’t look good for anybody if you just walked away. You had to still do PR work for them, and they still needed to be funded. But that was a far cry from early morning phone calls and being on the frontlines of world-ending events. 

...of course, you hoped no more of those would come knocking at earth’s door. But. The probability of them showing up from time to time was higher than them not. And. In the event that the Avengers needed to recall Team Iron… yes. Absolutely. You and Tony would never turn your backs so completely. How could you? That was what had started all of this, after all. Tony’s proclivity to make things right. His need to protect people. Sometimes even from things he’d created himself. 

A knock came on your home-office door, and Tony opened the door, standing half in the room. You looked up from your computer screen. He was already dressed. Smartly. Sharply, as always. Three piece suit. Dark silver slacks and a fitted suit jacket, black waist coat and button up shirt, and a maroon tie. His dark plaid pocket square was a little askew, but you’d have time to fix it before the two of you took the stage downstairs in the press room. 

You must have been staring, because his grin was a little knowing as he put one hand in his pocket and flicked his other arm up to make a show of checking his watch. “Thought I’d see how you were doing. It’s been an hour since you locked yourself in here. But. I can tell I’m distracting you.” 

“Immensely.” Smiling at him. You’d been caught. There was no need to hide your appreciation for just how incredibly handsome he was. “Who dressed you today? They did a fantastic job.” You hung your arm over the back of your computer chair, now putting your roving gaze on full display. 

“I dressed myself, thank you very much.” Hand to his chest for a moment, mocking the highest of offense. “Now- who picked out my suit- I can’t recall-” 

“Someone who has an eye for what you look good in, no doubt.” Grinning then. 

“Mn. She’s pretty good at it by now. Definitely has my unique flare locked down.” She being you. He moved out of the doorway to come closer to your desk, propping himself on the corner.

You made no attempts to hide your roving eyes yet again as you reached up to lightly pluck at one of the top buttons of his jacket. “I’ll have to send her a thank you card. You always look so good.” 

He leaned in as you tilted your head up to meet him, your noses brushing. “I’ll pass the message along.” Sealing the sentiment with a lingering, sweet kiss. A little hum traveling from his lips to yours. This was dangerous, and the two of you could very well end up being late for the press conference. You also ran a high risk of ruining his nicely tailored and finely picked out suit. The thing that was getting the both of you in trouble. When you found the strength to part he threatened it all over again as he wore a small smirk on the edge of his lips. “Oh. Honey. Got a message for you- there seems to be a secret admirer for your talents of fashion-” 

You silenced him with another kiss, one that half missed its mark as it was marred by his chuckling, but you put a stop to that pretty soon. Turning the laughter into some warm and breathy noise, replacing his ever-present sass with a more inherent need. It was hard to shut him up. 

That was yet another one of your unique talents where he was concerned. You were sure he knew. 

                                                               ---

The pair of you were a stylish yet somewhat dour match at the front of the Stark Industries media room. You matched his suit with a fitted, long sleeved houndstooth dress, with thick steel gray trim at the hem. Your pops of dark red came in the form of ruby drop earrings and a heart-shaped necklace you were overly fond of. 

The press had been buzzing for an hour waiting for your arrival. Most of your speech was not drafted, which was dangerous. But you couldn’t linger on it any longer. You had a base. The rest would have to come from somewhere deep inside you. ...just hopefully not too deep. 

“The loss of life that occurred in Sokovia forty-eight hours ago is a devastation unlike anything the earth has seen. And the loss of land is something that had previously been unfathomable.” Statistics came up on your prompter that you read over, trying not to wane while you called out the known casualties. The known injured. Even while the Avengers had tried their best to save lives… it was never a zero sum. Never. 

“The Stark Relief Foundation is on the scene currently, rehousing, rehoming- trying to find a place for every person that lost theirs in that terrible battle. In times like this it’s important to come together. It’s important to see through the fog of war and remember that we are one planet. We need to look out for each other. Take care of each other. That’s why I’m looking forward to discussions with the nations of the globe on a solution for the people of Sokovia. Sokovians didn’t have much, but I know they would have helped if it were anywhere else.” 

It was as important to mention that Stark Industries (and the Avengers by extension) were running clean up. And not so much mention it was clean up of a mess that maybe had been potentially caused by them. It was important to call out the need to come together, and to bring leaders into the narrative, so that they would have to call. So that they would have to do something. Otherwise be labeled as the ones who failed to act during an international crisis. You knew you couldn’t count on anyone’s blind charity. Forcing them was the only option. 

“The Sokovians have faced real horrors. It is going to take a lot of time to heal. While we are glad that the Avengers were there to assist them, I have to make special mention of Colonel James Rhodes. He is a highly decorated officer who has been a valuable asset to several missions as of late- this one especially. It’s why I’m pleased to appoint him our new military liaison. I know with his guidance and with his knowledge, we can build a much needed bridge between the authorities of the world and the Avengers- the Avengers who without fear and without hesitation charge into every catastrophe that calls upon them.” 

This speech might have been better given by someone that wasn’t part of the Avengers. But there was no one else to give it. Even if there was- your team wasn’t one person after all- they didn’t want to. This seemed to always be something that you had to do. And you’d still have to do it. Even when you and Tony announced that you’d be stepping away. ...which wouldn’t be a public affair. That would be a team discussion. And maybe even less of a discussion and more just… telling each individual. When the time was right. Which would be sooner than you were comfortable with. But you had to just do it. Or else you might not ever. 

                                                              ---

The next day, in your brand new office at the brand new Avengers Facility, while you were busy wading through damage reports and expense reports and emails and email reports- ...okay it was getting a little ridiculous. Like it always did after a huge incident- 

There came a hesitant knock at your door. And an even more hesitant man behind it. Clint, in fact. Who put his hands in his pockets and hung his head a little. “Do you have a minute?” 

Already you knew what this was about. This bastard was going to do it before you. Talk about guts. You stopped your keystrokes. “Sure. What’s up?” 

He shut the door behind him, only more confirmation of what was about to happen. And then he came to sit in front of your desk, putting his hands in front of him. Cloudy. Thinking. Thinking about how to- “You know. I rehearsed this a thousand times in my head. It was supposed to be really simple.” His smile was self deprecating. And a little sad. 

Yours suddenly matched. “You’re leaving, huh?” 

“That obvious?” He glanced up at you suddenly but his surprise faded quickly. “-yeah. Guess it would be.” To you, he meant. And meant nothing by it, either. 

“You have kids. And another one on the way. Something I had no idea about. I can’t imagine how Laura does it.” 

“She’s stronger than me, that’s for sure.” 

“I wouldn’t doubt it.” Grinning a little wryly. He seemed to appreciate the humor. “You tell anyone else yet?” 

“Nat knows.” Obviously she did. Nat knew everything about him. They were closer than you’d ever be with either of them. That was fine. “But. I wanted to come to you first.” 

“Why me?” Not that it mattered. But really, you hadn’t considered yourself high on the list of people Clint would tell that he was leaving. At least not the first after Natasha. 

He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh as his head tilted. “Well… you kinda run things around here.” Part of you wanted to reject this. Wanted to also follow it up with not for long. But that wouldn’t even be true. “And. You look out for us. I know I haven’t said as much but. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. And for the team. I don’t think they appreciate it as much. How much you put yourself out there. So we don’t have to.” 

Someone like Clint would be the one to openly admire the benefits that came with something like that. It was true. For someone who hid almost all of his private life. Someone who wanted nothing to do with the fame that came with being a superhero. Someone who just wanted to do what was right- ...and then not get caught holding the aftermath the way you had to- 

His aforementioned appreciation was just that. And it was deep. 

“Tony and I are used to it.” Deflection came as a natural reflex. Out of everyone on your team, you and Tony were the most used to being media darlings. Or being the ones everyone loved to hate. Either way. It was a life you knew.

“Doesn’t mean you had to. Doesn’t mean you had to do any of what you’re doing right now.” 

You felt a little helpless as he looked at you. “Someone had to.” 

“And we’re lucky it was you.” 

You couldn’t recall a time Clint had ever been this candid with you. But, if he really was leaving, maybe this was the best time for it. To get out everything the two of you had never had the chance to. Your smile was small but you couldn’t help it. “Thanks, Clint. Will you at least send me some baby pictures?” 

At this he laughed. “Sure. Why not? Maybe it’ll give Stark some ideas.” 

Your hand came straight up. “Don’t start. Or I’ll rescind my blessing.” 

“I’ll still leave.” He grinned as he stood. 

“But it won’t be as nice as it just was.” You stood after him and offered your hand across the desk. 

He considered it. For almost too long a time. But finally he gave you a shake. And right in the middle of it he gave you a more serious look. “You and Stark consider going down that road yet?” Apparently before Clint left, he needed to be sure of this. 

“We’ve talked about it.” Not so much specifically having kids, but, about having a life. Which you were a few weeks out from attempting. And still not ready to tell anyone. 

“Don’t talk for too long.” He held your hand still then. “Opportunities don’t come often.” 

“No they don’t.” Agreeing with him. It certainly wasn’t now or never. But… That moment was getting awfully close. 

                                                              ---

Over the next handful of days, the Facility really started coming to life. Some of the team had gotten a little more settled in their personal private quarters. Damage Control also had their own host of barracks- which you weren’t sure how you felt about. The Avengers had never been about trying to recreate SHEILD. And the way they marched around campus wasn’t all that convincing that someone wasn’t pulling the strings while you had your back turned but…

You couldn’t control everything. You didn’t want to anymore, in fact. So you had to let that go. It helped to have experienced agents in the field, when you dispatched them. When you needed them. So. ...maybe it was a necessary evil. You tried hard not to think about it. 

Instead you focused on your meeting with legal that afternoon, and promptly afterwards you dropped down to the science labs. Alight with excitement and activity. There was one person you were there to see specifically, and she seemed to be hosting a mini-lecture, talking strongly about things that went right over your head in concerns to her research. You politely waited for her to finish and clear her assistants out, and once she did-

“Helen, can I have a word with you?” You felt a little nervous, but had no inclination to show it. 

That she even still wanted to be here after everything that had happened to her was a miracle. But… you suspected what you were offering- or about to- had a lot to do with it. “We’re running on borrowed time.” 

“Don’t I know it.” Joking. But it seemed to miss its mark. She gave you a polite smile and nothing more. So you quickly moved on. Plopping a hefty folder down, you pushed it her way over the table. “We’re done drawing up the documents to merge Stark Industries and U-GIN. It’s less about us and more about you. We’d like to offer you a permanent position here. As head of bio-organic sciences for the Avengers.” 

She made a play at not being so intrigued. It failed, but she probably had no idea. “Is that so? What are you offering?” 

“Your own labs. Your own funding. Public backing. We just ask that when the Avengers need help you give it.” That was really more what this was about. Her tech had been instrumental in helping the team. In keeping some of them alive even. It was useful. And they needed it. Not everyone was a Super Soldier. 

Opening the folder, she flipped through a few of the pages. She was an extremely smart woman, smarter than you would ever hope to be, but even you knew that telltale glaze of the eyes when faced with legalese. “What about housing?” 

This- ...this you hadn’t considered. “Uh- it’s not in the official documents. But, if you want something here, we’d be happy to accommodate you.” 

As suddenly as she’d opened it, she snapped the folder shut, putting her hand on top of it and looking directly at you. “I’ll be very straight with you. I need stability. If you offer that I’ll stay.” 

Seeing as how you had nothing to lose by doing so, you nodded. “Sure. Tell me what you need.” 

“I don’t want quarters here. I need a house. I have a son and… I’m sure you can imagine that life going back and forth from labs hasn’t been easy on him.” She softened then, and there was a sheen of guilt that ghosted her. Worried she was a bad mother, perhaps. 

“I had no idea.” 

“Not many people do. And I’d like to keep it that way, as well.” 

You almost shrugged. But this was a little bit more important than a casual conversation. This was everything to her. You had money to throw around that no one else on the planet did. Sometimes that slipped by you. Terrible though it was. “Sure. A house. And confidentiality. We can provide all that.” 

Hearing your agreement, and trusting you for that matter, she eased up. Her smile was a little more real. “Alright then. I’ll sign.” 

“Great. Glad to hear it.” The meeting was over. So you thought you probably should leave. She’d hand in the documents to Pepper or somebody else who would then hand them to legal for processing- but- “What’s your son’s name?” 

At this she really did brighten. It was easy to see- she loved her work. She loved being a scientist. But she loved him more. A feeling maybe one day you would know… “Amadeus. He’s twelve.” 

“I bet he takes after you.” 

Now she was grinning. “You have no idea.” 

                                                              ---

Tony had introduced you to your quarters that night. While you weren’t excited at the idea of living there, and clearly neither was he, it was still nice to have a home away from home away from… well, if the two of you could actually get it together enough to make an actual home… maybe that’s why it felt so bad. The penthouse suite of the Tower wasn’t supposed to be your home either. You didn’t want to get too attached to the lofty Facility living space that Tony had put aside for the two of you. And there was always the danger that you would. 

It was why you didn’t want to decorate it too much but it needed a little bit more personality than what he’d given it. Which was fine. Tony wasn’t really a homemaker. He seemed to give you credit where it was due, though, over the next three days around other more important things like meetings and press junkets of goodwill and hope, you did decorate it. Make it more cozy. And the night you decided you were done enough, he actually slept. 

And so did you. 

For a little while, at least. At five in the morning your mind stirred. It would have been so nice to sleep like a normal person. You were getting there. Close. Things were wrapping. You just had a few more personal things to do. But your head was clearer than it had been in a long time, and while the sun was lifting, you decided to go for a run around the campus. It meant leaving Tony asleep alone in that giant bed, but you did stop to admire his deeply sleeping form. Not held by terrors or worries. If only he could be like that all the time. 

The run was nice. Nobody else seemed to be up yet. But as you stopped just outside the living area again after a good five mile tour, breathing hard, hands on your knees, you spied Steve sitting outside on the patio. Alone. Cup of coffee wisping away. This was probably a sign. And no matter how hard this was going to be, it was now or never. 

You rounded the area and came over to the table, he seemed like he was a million miles away until you got close enough. He then looked up and his smile was warm. “Good morning.” 

“Good morning.” Huffed out a little, still gathering yourself up. “Mind if I sit with you?” 

He made a broad gesture with a sweep of his arm. “Please. Sit. You want some coffee?” 

Water would have been better, but while he was offering- “If you don’t mind making me a cup.” 

“Not at all.” Just like that he got up and went back into the kitchen. It left you sitting there, thinking about just how you were going to do this. How you were supposed to. What was the right way to break the news. When he came back he set down not only a cup but a shaker of sugar and a little carton of half and half. “-I don’t know how you take it. I should have asked.” 

“That’s okay. Thanks for making me some.” This was nice but it was also stilted. He probably sensed it. And even after you prepped your cup, the two of you sat in silence that was less than amicable. Finally you decided you just had to rip the bandaid off and get it over with. “So.” 

“So.” He was gazing at you. Just short of intensely. Almost like he was expecting you to talk about something. 

Your smile back was weak at best and brief. A flash and then gone as you looked down into your coffee. “So… uh. Tony and I…” The thought trailed off, not sure what to say even after all that thinking. 

“Are pregnant?” He tried to finish what you were trying to get out. 

And it completely stunned you. Your head whipped up- even stranger still- getting the sense of a small well of hopefulness from him. “No- no.” Denial was quick and easy. “What?” Your head reeled a little further back, almost in offense. “What? No. Why would you say that?” He looked completely caught. Eyes a little wide. Suddenly very, very nervous. “Steve why would you say that?” Your words were quick and clipped. 

He was very close to grimacing. “I- ...I don’t know what to say right now that won’t get me in more trouble.” 

“Do I look pregnant to you?” 

Quickly he shoved his hand out, palm up. “No! You look great! You look- you look how you always look!” 

“Then why would you say that?” You weren’t sure why but you found yourself a little disturbed that he’d just say something like that. 

“I don’t know- you-” He sighed, shoulders dropping from their tense position as he hung his head with a little shake. “I don’t know. You’ve seemed happier, I guess. These past couple of weeks. Despite everything that’s happened. And…” Another long breath pushed out of him and he looked up at you again. “Let’s be honest. You kinda seem like you’re getting your affairs together. At least that’s how it’s felt.” 

Had you made it that obvious? “Oh.” Now you felt terrible. “Yeah I… I guess I have been.” Letting him down finally from that anxious high. A little too soon actually, so you threw a look back at him. “Well I’m not pregnant.” 

“Okay. I won’t make that mistake again.” Grinning, testing the waters. 

Your grin back was not as full. “But. Tony and I… we’ve been thinking of taking some time away.” The way his heart just sank killed you. He tried not to show it. But you felt its quick drop. It propelled you into overcorrection. “Just- just for a little while.”

But he shook his head, and spoke through his sad smile. “Not for a little while.” 

“No. Not for a little while.” Echoing him, unable to look at him then. Guilty. “We want a lot of time. We want-” It sucked, that it hurt saying this. It shouldn’t have. You wanted a life with Tony. Why was that such a terrible thing to say? 

“If anyone deserves it, it’s you and Tony.” He was sure about this. A steady presence after all that initial stumbling. 

“Thanks.” But it all felt hopeless. 

He tipped his head a little. “Are you asking for my blessing?” Joking, just a little. It wasn’t really that funny. This exchange was familiar to both of you now. 

You gave a shrug and then decided to stop meandering, looking down. “I can’t leave unless you’re okay with it. And I don’t want that to back you into a corner- tell me- honestly- if you’re not-” 

“I’m okay with it.” He cut you off with a strength you did not possess right now. And then surprised you again as he set a hand over yours on the table. The way he said your name was strange yet familiar at the same time and you looked up at him. “We’ll be okay.” 

But it was like he’d stuck a knife into you with that. Like he’d actually denied you. It hurt all the same. “Will you?” You asking this seemed to stun him, for some reason. His gaze went a little more than foggy. Distant. Until eventually his eyes left yours. Something tangled inside him, though he was holding back. Knowing exactly who he was sitting with. His guilt poked you like a hot knife. And soon you worried… you worried you weren’t actually going to be able to leave. He didn’t want you to go. But it seemed he was feeling guilty- ashamed, too- of thinking of asking you to stay. Even for a little while longer. “Steve? You can talk to me. About anything. Whatever it is you wanna say. Just say it.” 

Getting his attention back finally he breathed a noise out, dropping his head in a nod. “Look… we’ve been through a lot. And… I’m gonna miss you.” 

“Come on.” Turning your hand over in his, giving him a wiggle. “I have an office upstairs- and a suite. Tony has labs here and projects he’s excited about. You’ll still see me. I’m not disappearing completely. I still have to do press for the Avengers. And do payroll and all that. I’m not leaving here. I’m not abandoning you guys.” 

“Good. I’m glad to hear it. But that’s not what I meant.” 

Steve meant… he’d miss fighting alongside you. He’d miss getting mission statements. Getting debriefings. Hell, even fighting with you about what direction was best. It wasn’t always fun, it was never easy. But… it was the basis for a lot of your relationship. And he would miss having you in that part of his life. 

The two of you were staring at each other. Before you knew it, a few tears had escaped down past the line of your lashes. “Yeah. I’m gonna miss you, too.” 

It was hard to tell who got up first. But the end result was still the same. He’d pulled you into a tight hug. He was letting you go. He was telling you this was okay. It was okay to leave. To start a life. He was letting you know he would take over. Without question. He would do his best. He would lead the Avengers. He would fight the fights. 

...and you’d miss each other. 

                                                              ---

Aside from all the usual work you had to put in after a crisis, nothing happened immediately after your talk with Steve for the next few days. It was why you suspected a storm was on its way. Especially if you kept putting off having a similar talk with the rest of your teammates. The one with Steve had been so emotionally taxing, it had put you off wanting to do it again. 

But the universe perhaps for once was on your side. And it forced your teammates to you instead. All at once. 

You’d just come out of a long meeting hosted at one of the conference rooms in the Facility. Once the air had cleared and everyone had left the area, you double checked your schedule. Clear for the rest of the night. It would be a nice time to reconvene with Tony. See if he’d done any similar talking yet- 

“Lady.” Thor called your attention from down the hall, heavy boots bringing him to you in just a few steps. “I would like to speak with you.” 

For one reason or another, anxiety flared tight in your chest. But you had no good reason not to. Feelings aside. “Sure, Thor. Why don’t we take a walk?” 

“I’d like that.” His smile tried to ease your fears. It missed its mark. Outside in the dying light of the sun the air was muggy and not at all as refreshing as you’d hoped. Still, you stuck your hands into your pockets and waited for him to say whatever it was he had to say. He didn’t take too long. Only waiting until you were far enough out of earshot of the compound. “Before the Vision was born, I visited a holy place called the Water of Sights.” 

Oh. So he was jumping right in. You had little time to react to this new information. “Is that on earth?” Or had he traveled somewhere else? 

“It is everywhere. In every realm. The Water of Sights is inhabited by a people called the Norns. They see what is to come.” 

Even though you really didn’t understand too much about this, you nodded. “That’s where you had your vision, right? About JARVIS- or- err- Vision- and the Infinity Stones?” 

“Yes.” He said this so resolutely it startled you momentarily. But much more so when he stopped walking. You turned, a little in front of him, but still close. His eyes watched yours. Deeply. “I saw you.” 

“Me?” Hand raising to not only gesture at yourself, but to press at your chest just a little. That anxiety was starting to get the better of you. You felt very tight. “Why me?” 

“That is what I would like to find out. In my vision I saw the Infinity Stones. Four of them.” 

“Four? I thought you said there were six?” 

“I saw the four I believe we know of. That we have had contact with, even if brief.” Really, though, what it sounded like was he was pitching you this information in the hopes that you knew something he didn’t. So he could tie it all together.

But not only did you know nothing about this. You also wanted nothing to do with it. You started shaking your head. It was too little too late now, though. You couldn’t deny this. Thor had seen you in a vision about the stones. All you could do was plead ignorant. Lie. ...it didn’t seem right. “My powers- whatever they are- come from a stone.” 

“Are you certain?” 

“Mostly?” Offering this with a raise of both your hands and a tight uptilt of your voice. “I don’t know. We’re still trying to figure it out. Nobody else knows. Tony had been doing some experiments with Bruce- having to do with gamma signatures and… stuff that’s way beyond me. But. They said that’s what they think. And if that’s what they think-” 

“Then the probability that it is correct is very high.” Thor’s gaze went a little foggy as he nodded. “But you know nothing of which stone? Or what happened?” 

You crossed your arms. “No. I’m sorry I can’t help you. When I know more you’re now the first I’ll check in with.” Aside Tony, of course. 

His attention returned fully to you and his smile was sure as he reached out to lay a hand on your shoulder. “I appreciate that, Lady. I mean to leave soon, to travel the realms and find out more about the stones. But. Whatever it meant- you in my vision- I believe it can only mean good things.” 

Your nose wrinkled and reluctance was easy. “Why?” 

“For the same reason that I trust the Vision. He possesses the Mind Stone, and means to do good with it. If you have anything to do with another stone, it will only help us. You are one of the most trustworthy people I know. And I know your heart is good.” 

His optimism was a little hard to take in all at once. You decided to focus on something else, “Wait- I mean- thank you- but… Tony thinks I was experimented on- or that I had some interaction with a stone when I was younger. Kind of like Wanda. And Pietro. But you didn’t see them. I don’t understand.” 

“Nor do I. But I’m hoping my travels will reveal more information.” 

This was an unsatisfactory answer. In fact it wasn’t an answer at all. And really now you felt worse. Thor was putting a lot on you all at once about these stones, not that he was doing it on purpose you were sure. But you really didn’t want anything to do with them. You’d almost mostly decided as long as Tony never brought it up again… maybe you’d just never talk about it. But now Thor was telling you he saw you in a vision- 

“Lady, everything will be alright. You have my word.” 

Your spiraling must have been a little too obvious. You forced a smile. “Sure.” Not really agreeing with or even believing him. “Can I just ask you that we keep this between us?” 

He nodded. “It was why I wanted to speak with you alone.” 

You were undecided if this was better or worse. That Thor’s instinct was to not let anyone else know, too. ...probably worse.                                                               ---

The talk with Thor had left you a little frazzled and worse for wear. Your immediate instinct was to find Tony. So you went back to the compound. And while your heart was already in the suite, your attention was stolen by two fingers on the ground level training floor. You could have easily passed them by, but- moving beyond the catwalk, one of them spotted you. 

And then in the next second Pietro was up there with you. “You’re a hard woman to get a hold of, you know that?” He leaned over the balcony, grinning. 

“Just busy.” Your nerves were too shot for this encounter. But it didn’t seem like you had much of a choice. “How are you feeling?” The least you could do was check in on him. Maybe he was right. Maybe you were extremely unavailable. Little did he know that was about to get worse. 

His head dropped, hands clasped together. “Fine.” Answer short and clipped. The air between you was tense. You thought about excusing yourself. “As far as I can tell, that’s because of you. I’ve asked around. No one seems to know what I’m talking about.” 

You found yourself a little too upset very quickly and you put a hand up to him to get his attention. When he looked at you, “What happened between us? Whatever I did for you? It needs to stay between us. Okay?” 

Turning the other way on the railing, he splayed his arms out, brows knit. “Why?” 

“Because I don’t know what I did.” You were being a little harsh, but you just didn’t have it in you to be gentle right now. Even if he seemed like he needed that. “All I know is you’re alive. That’s what’s important, right?” 

“I shouldn’t be alive.” That careless sarcastic facade reduced to ashes in mere seconds. And… for a moment, behind your eyes, you saw Tony. Collapsing into a chair in the lab. Looking at you with pained eyes. You had to shake yourself free. “I shouldn’t be but…” Pietro continued and you tried to yank yourself out of that memory. He put a hand on his chest. “But I am. And I’m trying to figure out what comes next.” 

Wanda had stopped what she was doing and was now standing just below. Listening in, no doubt. You took a deep breath. “Are you two staying? With the Avengers?” 

He shrugged. “Seems like we are.” 

“Then you need to work really hard. The world is going to be looking at you two. Sokovians who fought in its war. Who now stand for something greater. The media is already trying to take advantage of you for headlines.” 

The roll of his eyes- his carelessness- it bugged the hell out of you. “I don’t care about all that.” 

You got very close to putting your finger right into his chest as you pointed at him. “Well you have to. If you’re going to be part of this team you have to care. You and your sister. And they’ll look after you. They’ll protect you.” 

He seemed annoyed. “Who says we need protecting? We got by on our own. We can again.” 

“The world has seen you. They know you now. You are enhanced individuals. Not only that, but you’re now only under the protection of the Avengers. An American organization. You’re going to have to get your citizenship-” 

Wanda had stepped onto the catwalk. And she was interrupting you. “We are citizens of Sokovia.” 

You were about to flare. Burn them both up to a crisp. You didn’t want to deal with this right now. But a new energy had entered. Where Wanda had joined on the left, you heard pointed footsteps on your right. Tony had appeared. You didn’t know where from or how he knew to come get you. You just knew that you were grateful. He started waving his arm about. “Look. That’s great and all. I get it. The patriotic flare. But Sokovia is gone. And someone needs to take you in.” When he finally came to a stop you were seconds from sagging against him. His loving brush across your back kept you sane in that moment. 

Both of them stood together, almost opposite you and Tony purposefully. Wanda narrowed her eyes. “You cannot ask us to abandon our home.” 

Tony put a hand up. “Not abandon. Nobody said abandon. But, let’s get real here for a second. You’re enhanced. You’re on American soil. You don’t get smart about this, the President is gonna roll up here and make examples out of you. The guy’s been pretty twitchy these days. Don’t count on his mercy. He’s not like us.” 

“Not like you. Yet it sounds like you aren’t giving us another choice. So how are you different? One prison over another.” Wanda really seemed vehement about this. You weren’t sure why. 

So you tried to find some footing on her level. Every attempt was made to keep your tone gentle. “You fought. You understood the notion of helping people. Of righting what went wrong. You saw what the Avengers stood for. You see the work that’s going in now. We are not your enemies. We want what’s best for you. Sokovia is gone. I know nobody is more devastated about that than you two. All we can do now is rebuild. This team wants you as part of their family. Not as prisoners.” 

Pietro touched her hand with his and she seemed to soften. If only a little. He then looked up at the both of you. “If we agree… what does that mean?” 

You and Tony exchanged glances, and he fielded the question. “Nobody’s gonna babysit you. You wanna be here, you put in the time. Really. Citizenship first. I’d expedite but- given you’re the center of a media storm right now- might be good to do it the old fashioned way. It’s gonna take a while, so you gotta get on it. Other than that… show up, when somebody needs you. Fight the good fight. Doesn’t get simpler than that.” 

The two of them looked at each other. You were sure a million words passed between them. When they were finished, Wanda turned back. She seemed a little more subdued. And finally, “We will stay.” 

Tony’s relief that the two of you wouldn’t have to fight them anymore soaked you through. “Great. Glad to hear it.” 

And that was that.                                                               ---

While it would have been nice to just go back to your suite and maybe go to bed or decompress, you found Natasha waiting at your door. Today was really just going to keep going. Maybe that was on you. If you’d only spaced all these little talks out, they wouldn’t have piled together like this. She stopped in the middle of a knock when she heard you approaching, and when she turned you noted the big bottle she had in her hand. “Was wondering where you two were.” Grinning just a little. “Hoping I hadn’t missed you already.” 

Ah. So. That’s what this was about. Tony opened the door first and you went after him, motioning for her to come in. “You know, huh?” 

Her laugh was short. “These guys aren’t the best at keeping secrets. Honestly, my feelings are just hurt because you didn’t tell me first. Out of everyone here, I’ve known you both the longest.” She seemed like she was in a fantastic mood, but some of that was a little bit fake. 

She wanted something to do. Something to focus on. Bruce was gone. They’d been getting close. It wasn’t easy for anyone, but you expected she was having a tough time with it, too. You pulled a couple wine glasses out of the cabinet in the kitchen. “Well the only one I told was Steve. So unless Tony has been blabbing all over campus…” Turning back to look at the two of them, Tony looked guilty and Nat looked amused. “Ah. I see.” Turning away again. 

Tony started fumbling. “Some things just slip out.” 

Natasha wedged the cork out of the bottle as you came over and set glasses down. “Sure. Exciting times, it’s understandable.” You poured a fair amount into three glasses- she’d picked a rather expensive red wine. Always classy, that Natasha. “You gonna miss it?” 

You sat down opposite the two of them at the kitchen island. “Like I told Steve- we’ll still be here, you know? You know that more than anyone. Someone’s gotta do paperwork for the Avengers.” 

Tony sipped heavily at his glass and then shook his head. “Mn. Not me. You people don’t pay me enough.” 

Nat laughed a little. “You pay us.” 

“Don’t I know it.” He sipped even more. Exaggerated, putting on a show for the humor of it all. 

You shook your head. “You don’t know it, actually.” Caught, he hid a smile behind another sip. 

Once the mirth died down, Natasha looked at Tony first and then you. “So. What’s the plan? House in the hills? Big extravagant wedding? Kids? White picket fence?” 

Tony made a face. “I think you’re thinking of someone else.” 

Instead of letting them pick on Steve, you spoke up quickly. “We don’t know yet. We just… know that it’s time.” 

Nat smiled again. “Yeah. That’s more than fair, I think.” She was incredibly sad, but hiding it well. 

It was kind of getting to you, though. You didn’t want her to be sad. Not over the two of you- and not over Bruce, either. But you could only alleviate one of those things. “Really. You’ll probably see us all the time.” 

Tony seemed offended by the notion. “Well- not all the time-” Almost like he was realizing you two had a different perception of what starting a life looked like. But one look at him and he seemed to smarten up. Because he cast a sideways glance at Nat next. And- then- yes it clicked. “But. You know. Often enough.” 

Nat also seemed to get it and grinned. “You guys don’t feel bad for me, do you?” 

You put your chin in your palm. “No. Not at all.” Then you took a slow slip of your wine. “What’s your retirement plan look like?” 

At this she really did laugh. Something genuine. “Retirement? I don’t think so.” 

Tony leaned in on her side. “Why not? If we can do it, anyone can, I think.” 

Nat lifted a brow to him. “The question is can you do it?” Perhaps a little disbelieving. Which was valid. You and Tony were workaholics, after all… 

“Won’t know until we try.” You lifted your glass. “How about a toast. To trying.” 

Not a toast for goodbyes, which was why you guessed she’d brought the wine in the first place. She softened, looking at you. Then she lifted her glass. “To trying.” 

The soft clink of all three of your glasses made a nest in your memories. It kind of felt like the end cap you’d been looking for this entire time. A small moment, but by no means insignificant. 

And then, after a long sip, you broke the quietness. Feeling better now enough to joke. “Do you know when I tried to tell Steve, he asked if I was pregnant?” 

Tony looked shocked, Nat did too- but in an extremely tickled way that led to her stifled laughter. “No he did not. Tell me he didn’t.” 

“He did.” 

A little gossiping never hurt anyone. 

                                                              ---

It was the day before Tony’s birthday. May 28th. You knew because you had been counting it all down. Almost down to the minute in the last week. The two of you had gone back to the city, finding it easier to do pressers and meetings closer to that homebase, rather than keep going to and from the Facility. The early morning meeting that day had been that the ribbon cutting of the Facility was finalized. The Avengers had a new home. New teammates that they were excited to introduce to the public they so lovingly served over the next few months. And when asked where the Facility was… well. That was private. The Avengers deserved privacy, too, after all. 

May 28th was also the day you and Tony were officially stepping away. Everyone knew at that point. It was no longer a secret. It was out there. It was real. And you couldn’t wait to start. 

The drive back up from the city to the Facility was a couple of hours. Tony drove a little faster than he should have, more excited than you, in fact, to close everything out. He’d only been asking for this very thing for the last few years. You couldn’t hold it against him. His hand had found yours as soon as the two of you had gotten in the car- maybe a little bit before that, showing off for the media. 

And still the two of you were clutching to each other as you stepped out onto the Facility grounds that afternoon. After approaching the main compound you cast a look up his way. “You’re sure you’re ready to do this?” Grinning just a little. 

His own wide smile was very telling. “Me? Yeah. More than. What about you? It’s gettin’ a little late to turn back.” 

“Guess I’ll just have to go with it then, won’t I?” You were teasing, but saying this seemed to make him just a little unsure. Something you quickly eased away as you put a hand to his chest, leaning up on tiptoe to press a light kiss to his lips. He melted. Immediately. And you sensed he was seconds away from telling you to get back in the car and just send a note saying goodbye. When you tried to break, he followed you, so much so that you had to actually put a finger to his lips. “We still have to make some rounds.” 

“Mn.” Mumbling against your skin. “How many?” Whatever number you gave him it was going to be too high. 

A presence standing a few feet back from you caught your attention, and you half turned to see JARVIS standing there. Waiting. As if you two had a scheduled appointment. Tony’s gaze followed and then when he looked back at you, a small touch of understanding passed between the both of you. To ease him, you gave him just one more small kiss. And then, “I’ll meet you when I’m finished. I know Thor’s leaving, too. We’ll all say goodbye at the same time.” 

He just nodded. “Don’t be late.” His hands went into his pockets, and even as you turned and walked away, you felt him watching after you. 

JARVIS tilted his head upon your approach, his eyes glancing briefly at Tony. But when you got near enough he put his full attention on you. “It seems the time has come. You and Tony are leaving.” 

The past few weeks it had turned from an open secret to people actually knowing. Yet somehow still it was strange. To just have it out there. “Is that okay with you?” 

“With me?” It was a rare treat, to see JARVIS surprised about anything- whether in this body or as a disembodied voice watching over your lives. “What have I to do with it?” 

“Everything.” You smiled up at him. “You’ve looked after Tony and I for so long. And I know everything is still fresh and new. It’s going to be… strange. Not having you around. Having you here.” 

His expression grew contemplative and eventually he nodded. “Yes, I agree. But. I feel there is something enjoyable to new beginnings.” Rolling off him there was just the faintest sense of blue. He didn’t want you to go. But he wouldn’t say as much. He even threw his chances at doing so away when he gave you a little smile. “You two have talked about this for quite some time. Far longer than this. You deserve it.” 

Your shoulders came up in a pronounced shrug. “I don’t know about deserve-”

“I do.” His hand came out, fingers gentle as he touched over your arm. You stood very still. Just watching him. “For everything you and Tony have been through. Everything you have seen. Everything you have endured… and everything yet to come… enjoy this. Please. You’ve more than earned it.” His words were busy seeping deep into you- and it took you a little too long to answer. So he grasped you just a little tighter, “I will be alright.” 

That was the root of the issue. He knew it. He knew that’s what you were really worried about. You didn’t want to abandon him. This was all so new for him. And now you and Tony were leaving, too. “Promise?” It was almost sort of selfish, asking this of him. 

His smile then was one of admiration. And no less of love. “I promise.” 

You made the first move, reaching up to wrap your arms around him. Squeezing him tight. It was strangely rewarding. When he hugged you back just as hard. 

                                                              ---

It took you a little while searching the compounds, but you found your three favorite confidants roaming the eastern outer wing, shoulder-to-shoulder-to-shoulder with each other. Though they would have met you coming up the other way, you were alight with sudden nervous energy. It was starting to feel like now or never. As Thor, Tony, and Steve approached, you smiled at them. “You boys having a rousing discussion about something important?” 

Tony reached his hand out, putting it on your shoulder. “Terribly. I need your opinion. Vision. He’s not- he’s not human, right?” 

This blindsided you. “Uh- I guess- technically- no? Why?” 

Steve snapped with a point afterwards at Thor. “Ahah. See? It doesn’t count.” You were worried what you’d agreed to. They were all in a fantastic mood it seemed. 

Tony shook his head, putting his arm around you. “No. It’s not a person lifting the hammer.” 

“Right. It’s different rules for us.” 

Oh. ...were they serious? You nudged Tony just a little. “What’s the matter? Egos bruised a little?” You cast a look up Thor’s way although he was extremely amused. Clearly not upset by the talk at hand. “You gonna let them go on like this?” 

“It’s alright, Lady. As I’ve already said. If he can wield the hammer, he can keep the Mind Stone.” -ah, that was a little bit of a different discussion than the men worrying about who was more worthy. “It’s safe with the Vision. And these days safe is in short supply.” 

The four of you took up walking down the rest of the hall. You couldn’t help yourself. “Don’t say that. Please. Or else we’ll be here a few more weeks.” 

Tony raised his free hand in a sweeping wave. “Absolutely not. We’re safe. He said it. No takesy-backseys.” 

Steve spoke from your other side. “Let me just say this- if you put the hammer in an elevator…” 

A sharp and quick chuckle came from Tony. “Elevator would still go up. We can test that theory.” 

You shook your head, feigning exasperation. “You two really aren’t gonna let this go, huh?” 

Looking over at you Steve raised both his brows, “Now- see- the elevator isn’t worthy. That’s my point. But it’ll still go up.” 

There was another stinging edge you wanted to put in- men and their egos- but Thor’s laughter stopped you. He reached out, laying one of those heavy hands on Tony’s shoulder, giving him a small shake. “You know, I’m going to miss these talks of ours.” 

Tony grinned at him. “Not if you don’t leave.” 

Raising a finger, you had to ask, “Doesn’t Asgard have better communication tech? We need to have cellphones. Hell. Even pagers would be better than no contact.” 

After a slow blink, Thor asked, “What is a pager?” Steve seemed equally interested. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “Please. Let’s not step back. I can figure interstellar communication tech out. Give me a month.” A month of working. Of Thor staying here. And… the two of you not actually leaving to go on your own, too.

Something Thor understood very quickly. “Ah. Lady would not be too pleased with that, I fear. You will have to figure it out on your own time.” Your smile was gratitude enough, and the three of you followed him as he finally exited the hall to go onto the lawn. “The Mind Stone is the fourth of the Infinity Stones to show up in the last few years. That’s not a coincidence. Someone has been playing an intricate game and has made pawns of us. But once all the pieces are in position…” 

This was… this was not how you wanted a send off to go. He was speaking so darkly. Surmising about the future. And it didn’t sound great. Tony offered his usual sassy levity. “Triple Yahtzee?” 

The mood had turned. Steve put his hands on his belt. “You think you can find out what’s coming?” This was work. It was duty. 

Thor nodded. “I do.” But he eased the mood by breaking with a smile. Lifting his hand, he gave Tony a small pat to the chest. “Besides this one? There’s nothing that can’t be explained.” He stepped further back and the intent was clear. While he gave the group a nod, you raised your hand in a small wave. And while he lifted his hammer towards the sky- you got lucky. And he offered you a small wave in return. 

Right before he summoned that ridiculous rainbow lighting. And disappeared in the next flash. Leaving behind a burned patterned ring in your freshly laid and cut grass. 

Tony’s annoyance hit the mark first. “That man has no regard for lawn maintenance.” 

You just sighed. “I’ll send him a bill when he’s here next time.” 

“Yeah. And he’ll pay it with money we give him. Paying ourselves. What a scheme.” Reaching into his pocket he pulled his keys free with a little jangle, and then once he had his fob in hand, he called his car over. “I will miss him, though.”

“Me, too.” Echoing the sentiment easily. Thor often came and went whenever it suited him. But that didn't mean you liked him any less, or were any less attached. 

That fancy sports car made its way down the drive, and you and Tony went over to it. Steve followed at a lingering distance. The two of you looked at him, and Tony smiled. “Don’t tell me. You have the big we’ll miss you card that I’ve been asking for. I’m impressed. Where’ve you been hiding it?” 

Affectionately you rolled your eyes. “Oh please say you do. I don’t want to hear him whining about it.” 

Steve’s smile was soft. Something bittersweet. “I will miss the both of you. Even if I didn’t bring a card.”

The quipping mood seemed to die rather quick, and Tony nodded slowly. “Yeah. Well. ...it’s time for us to tap out. Barton’s kinda making us look bad. And…” He didn’t know how to say it exactly. Maybe it was his present audience. Tony had never had trouble explaining his desires about this to you. 

You twined your fingers with his, but kept your eyes on Steve. “We want a life.” Saying it just the way it was. As plainly as could be. You felt Tony looking at you, so you glanced up at him. “Together.” His smile then wrapped a warmth around you. 

Steve interrupted your gazing. “Hopefully a simple one.” 

Tony looked back at him. “You’ll get there one day.” 

You couldn’t help your grin. “Sharon’s welcome to come by any time, you know. Have you talked to her lately?” 

And this seemed to ruin his mood completely. He gave a heavy shrug and looked away. “She hasn’t answered my calls in weeks.” You wanted to offer maybe she’s just busy- you didn’t want this to be the thing that made him give up. But he kept talking. “I don’t know anymore. Family… stability…” He looked up at you and Tony again. “The guy who wanted all that went in the ice seventy-five years ago. I think someone else came out.” 

This broke your heart. Completely. To hear him say this. Yet despite the way he was talking, there was the burgeoning hopefulness welling up inside him. Maybe Tony had been right. Maybe this was the life Steve wanted. He seemed to be leaning that way, too. With a little nudge, Tony got you around the other side of the car, and he opened the door for you. Though before you moved to sit, the two of you looked at Steve one last time. Tony was the one to ask. “You alright?” 

Steve just smiled at the both of you. “Yeah. I’m home.” 

                                                              ---

The drive away was quiet. This wasn’t forever. You still worked for the Avengers. And like you’d told everyone else that you’d said it to, the both of you would still be around. Maybe not immediately, though. You thought perhaps a vacation was in order. A true celebration to kicking off this strange idea that the two of you could be on your own. Live a life. 

Your hand reached over to take his. Almost a little possessively. Tony Stark was yours. For now… for now the earth needed to back off. Stop laying claim to his genius. His efforts. His heroism. You wanted him. You needed him. 

You wanted to be with him. And finally… finally just live. 

His smile caught you sideways, and you felt like you might melt right onto the floor. He was clearly thinking the same thing as you, with a look like that. So warm and intense. So full of that deep love. You had to put a stop to it. Or you might have to pull over. “What do you wanna do for your birthday?” 

Tomorrow. Tomorrow was his birthday. He could do anything now. He was free. What did Tony Stark want to do? 

“Let’s find a house.” 

At this point you’d started smiling so hard it hurt. “A house, huh?” 

“Plot of land. House. Whatever. I want the present I’ve been asking for for years. As long as you’re ready to give it to me.” 

Shifting over you laid your lips on his cheek, felt the stretch there as his smile got the better of him. Your murmur was careful, but sweet. “I’m ready.” 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 177

July of 2015 started off with a bang. Several, actually. Huge ones. The fourth of July celebration at the Tower went off without a hitch, even considering you’d asked really late in the game for it to be put together. But anything that helped the general public with their consensus that not only superheroes were a good thing but that Stark Industries was a good thing- that you were a good thing… greasing the wheels didn’t really hurt. You also established a block party zone for restaurants to give out free tastings and booze (all paid for by Stark Industries, of course), and blocked off watching spaces far enough away. 

It was wonderful, really. Everyone had a good time. The papers the next morning were mostly all going on about the spectacular displays (some of which were Avengers themed, of course) and the happy faces. Mostly though, this was tempting fate. Something you and Tony found out the very next night. A Sunday. You’d just left a restaurant in Poughkeepsie after a small business meeting. It was hot. You were a little tipsy. And a woman was waiting right next to your car in an otherwise very empty parking lot. 

She uncrossed her arms and gave Tony a wide smile. Alarm bells were ringing in the back of your mind. Tony’s, too, as he put an arm around your waist and halted a few feet away. “Can we help you?” 

“I imagine you can.” Her tone was polite but coy. Not something that soothed your nerves. Especially not when she reached into her jacket. Quickly you put a hand up, not that it would have prevented something terrible from happening. Not as immediate as a repulsor blast, anyway. “Let’s not do something stupid.” You didn’t sense something that off about her. 

But she hesitated, nervous suddenly. ...perhaps it wasn’t wise, after all, to startle Team Iron in a parking lot after dark. She stopped moving, considering her options. The both of you were on edge. If she had a weapon, she was rethinking pulling it. But she edged the top of her jacket back just a bit to reveal papers. 

That was when your hand dropped. And she pulled them out all the way. “You are hereby ordered to appear before the United States Senate.” 

Even though you weren’t looking at him, you felt the roll of Tony’s eyes. “Gee, this seems awfully familiar.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.” You put a hand on your hip- the hand that had been semi-threatening her (whether she truly understood or not), because you were not keen on taking hold of what she was offering. “They gonna tell him to give up the suits again? We’ve done this already. We have a military-liaison now. So whatever scheme they’re cooking up, he’s not going-”

She stuck her arm out hard, flourishing them. In your direction. “Actually, these are for you.” 

“Me?” “Her?” 

No surprise that both you and Tony took some offense to that. Probably for very different reasons. “July 13th.” She flapped the papers again and you finally took hold of them. No reason not to. This was happening whether you liked it or not. 

That was a Monday. Your brain was already churning. Once she’d done her duty she walked away, and you opened the packet, reading the highlights allowed. “-regarding the damage reports necessary to make prudent decisions and swift actions after the devastation in Sokovia.” Your stomach did a little flip. This was not good. 

Tony’s hand raised up, rubbing absently at your shoulder. “They’re just putting on a show.” 

“Yeah. Well.” Your gaze was not as steady as you would have liked as you glanced up at him. “We’re the main attraction.” 

                                                                    --- 

Press was absolutely everywhere that day. Crawling out of every hole. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, being back on Capitol Hill. Although at the very least, you knew you would not be facing down the rat known as Senator Stern. That wasn’t cause for complacency, though. If not him, it would be a different rat. All with the same motive. They wanted a spectacle. And they wanted someone to blame. 

It was actually a bit of a shock- that they wouldn’t call Tony, but instead you, as if you had any more pertinent information. But maybe they knew they wouldn’t get anything out of Tony, if his first and last senate appearance had been anything to go by. What they were hoping to get out of you… you didn’t know. As much as you could guess the motive for this, it was to pin blame on the Avengers. And for them to start doing that- that led down a very long and terrible road. 

One you’d warned not only Tony about, but the team. This was not what you wanted. This wasn’t even remotely what you wanted to be doing. But you didn’t have a choice. 

So you sat down at the table, in front of cameras going off, in front of microphones hot to pick up every word, and in front of senate members, all looking down on you. They’d immediately disallowed Tony from sitting at the table and instead remanded him to the seats behind. Taking away what little comfort you might find. The lights were getting a little blinding, but you made every effort to not show your nerves. Or your anger over the continued need to play this little blame game. 

...much as you may have been starting to understand it. 

The last time you’d been in this room was not with Tony, it had been with Natasha and Maria. Now it was just you. Alone. Isolated. If you said one wrong thing, if you made the exact wrong move… 

Everyone paid the price. 

Senator Wenham was taking charge. Not a man you admired. He’d been one of the harshest critics during the hearings about the fall of SHIELD. It was no surprise to see him bearing down. He opened with lengthy remarks about how terrible he felt about the people of Sokovia. But eventually that empathy ran out, and he made his position perfectly clear. That Americans- the United States Government- should not be penalized for the failure of rogue superheroes. That they should not be asked to bleed red, white, and blue for a nation that had never done anything for them. 

America first. The cry of god-fearing nationalists. And what a perfect time to get those so-called Americans onboard with such a terrible notion. Ellis was up for reelection next year. You had a very big idea of who was filling his pockets. You took dry questions that were just meant as set up. 

What was the death toll in Sokovia? What’s the estimated damage? What do you think recovery is going to look like? How long?

It took hours to get through. Hours to finally make it to the point of all this. 

“What do you have to say for yourself?” 

Hours to get to the point where you and your team got accused of everything. You settled your hands together atop the table. Ever the picture of poise. “Can you elaborate, Senator?” 

“Your people defected. Went rogue. Crossed sovereign borders with no orders to do so. The results of which are some of the biggest devastation this world has ever seen. Why are we being asked to pick up the tab for idealized justice? Why are we being asked to grant refuge to the people a small group are responsible for?” 

You kept very still. “I take great exception to this idea that the Avengers were not acting in the United States’ best interest, Senator Wenham. President Ellis was well aware of our operation.” A shock ran through the room, and murmurs began. “Maybe not as aware as you, but I’ll take an apology whenever you’re ready to give it.” 

This was a very dangerous game you were being forced to play. It was no surprise that the senate had told Ellis, maybe even gotten his permission, that they were going to subpoena you on behalf of the Avengers. It was also no surprise to you that Ellis had forgotten to mention that he in fact did know what the Avengers had been up to. You’d forced his hand on that one. And were forcing it again now. He had told you in no uncertain terms that he had wanted nothing to do with the Sokovians. And you’d basically had to blackmail him to do the right thing. 

They were going to look into this. Wenham especially, turning red up there behind his mic. 

You were making a fool of him. And Ellis. At the same time. 

“Order!” The moderator called the room to silence once again. Wenham sat up straighter. “Be that as it may- I ask you- why with a financier as grand as Stark Industries pooling money for the Avengers should the United States government have to clean up after their mistakes?” 

“Saving Sokovia was not a mistake, Senator. And were it not for the Avengers, we wouldn’t even have a world in which you’d be here questioning me about the merits of right and wrong.” People were talking all around you again. You tuned them out. “Which, by the way, if you need some tips- saving lives is always right. We can agree to disagree on the definition of justice, but by no means does it have any room for interpretation in the way of saving people or letting them die.” 

He put a hand down hard on his table. “The Avengers are responsible for Ultron! For the very thing that caused this massacre!” 

“And this government has paid its fair dues I’m sure for all the atrocities it has caused throughout history, usually with very real intent of harm.” 

“We’re not questioning intent, ma’am, we’re questioning responsibility!” 

“ORDER!” 

The room was breaking out in an uncharacteristic fever pitch. These hearings were usually so droll. But not with the state of democracy on the line. Not with the zoo in tow. Not with an Avenger on the stand. Not one so combative, at that. “The Avengers took responsibility. By stopping Ultron. Just like how Tony Stark stopped a nuke a security council tried to drop on New York City- because they had no way of stopping an alien invasion. You want to talk about responsibility, let’s start talking about how this government handles crisis management. How the world handles crisis management.

Ultron was a mistake. We don’t deny that. But the Avengers did what they had to do to save lives. This world cannot exist in its current form without a team looking out for its best interests. Looking out for people that their governments care very little about. What was this government going to do about Ultron? Or the aliens in New York? You’d have sooner abandoned your own city- so I hold out no hope whatsoever that you or any of those people up there judging us would act in the name of justice to save anyone.

The Sokovians deserved better than what happened to them. And they deserve better than waiting for the world to get its shit together so that they can get help. Do the right thing. That’s all we’re asking. That’s all they’re asking. Because next time it could be us. Next time it could be anyone. We have to pull together. I don’t know how that didn’t become apparent when aliens came to this planet- forget New York City- this planet. We need each other. We need the Avengers. We don’t have time any longer to squabble.” 

Senators were talking amongst themselves. People in the back of the room were speaking over each other. Cameras were going off. You stood. Wenham put his hand down hard on the table a second time. “We are not finished here! You do not leave that bench until you are excused! If you leave you will be held in contempt of congress!” 

“You’re going to put me in jail for the night as proof that you’re on the right side of this debate? Really think about that for a second.” You’d make bail the second you stepped foot inside a jailhouse. It didn’t scare you to be threatened that way. It wasn’t even really much of a threat. 

He pointed his finger at you. “This is not over.” 

“No. It isn’t.” 

This was a mess. And it was only just beginning. 

                                                                   ---

Tony had his arm around your waist as the two of you walked down from the courthouse steps. You put your hand up to stem the flow of incessant questions. You had nothing to say after that. Not to reporters. Happy was doing his best to mitigate the crowd. You weren’t expecting to see Steve and Nat waiting in front of the car. 

Steve put his hands on his hips. “Well. That was a mess.” 

A little incensed that you’d been forced into that and yelled at, alone, for the better part of four hours, Tony predictably snapped at the insinuation that you’d blown that in any way. Just a little. “We’re just lucky they didn’t call you. Can’t imagine the soundbites you’d have given them.” 

“And why didn’t they?” Steve seemed to take a little offense to this. “Why was she up there all alone? We might not have known but you were here.”

 “Subpoena only had one name on it. Maybe you’re not really that familiar with government circuses, but I wasn’t called. And neither were you. Nothing to be done about it. Simple as that.”

You and Nat were both stuck doing clean-up, and you got there first. “Let’s not do this right here.” 

Nat waved her arm around. “You know. In front of all the cameras?” 

So you didn’t. Corralling them into the car wasn’t hard. Finding a restaurant far enough out that the media wasn’t lurking around for more opportunity was just a touch trickier. But not impossible. And eventually you got a secluded back table at a restaurant. 

Natasha was the first one to try and break the ice. “So. I thought last we spoke you wanted out?” 

You just shook your head. “Like I wanna be testifying in front of congress. Like it’s my dream.” Your nerves were a little frayed. She didn’t deserve that. So, quickly, “I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m tired.” 

“No apology necessary.” Her smile was easy, and you knew she understood. Thank god for small miracles. 

Steve crossed his arms. “Why not call all of us? We were all there.” 

“Because it’s not about who was there.” Tony let out a bitter sigh. He was just as tired it seemed. “It’s about bullying one person on the team in front of cameras. It’s about demanding accountability and hoping they get pushback. This wasn’t about Sokovia.” 

Tilting his head, Steve seemed a little confused. But his tone was still brisk while he was addressing Tony. It was pinging some serious red flags in your gut. “Then what was it about?” 

You felt a chill creep up your spine at almost the exact time a little life left you. “Superheroes. And the mess they leave behind.” 

Steve seemed itching for a fight. It was strange. “There’d be an even bigger mess without us.” You wondered for a moment if something bad was going on at the Facility. 

Nat shook her head. “They don’t really care about that. This isn’t so much bigger picture as it is what’s right in front of them. Sokovia disappeared in seconds. Doesn’t matter that the other flip of that coin was world destruction. You always need someone to blame.” 

“Property damage. Lives lost. It falls on someone. That someone is us.” You felt entirely dejected. But it was the truth. ...and also the exact thing you’d warned Tony about a long time ago. 

Tony didn’t want to fall back in, though. “Well. Not us. We’re out. Still out. This was a momentary setback.” 

Words started falling out of you. “Damage Control… the Stark Relief Fund… they can only do so much. People are getting tired of it. Of wondering when the next big thing is gonna hit. All that fear is gonna fall on us-”

“The team.” Tony was very quick with his correction. The two of you had just left. How was it that not even two months later you were back in? “We handled this one because we didn’t have a choice. But we trust you guys to keep fighting the good fight. Just. Make sure it’s a clean fight. That’s all we’re saying.” 

Nat flexed an ok symbol with her fingers. “Got it, boss.” 

“I’m not your boss.” 

“You’re lecturing like one.” 

They were smiling at each other. That was nice. But you were suddenly very empty on niceness. Steve was staring at you. In fact… he’d been staring at you the entire time. Frown heavy-set. He didn’t like any of this, that was obvious. But who did, really? He was upset. And as soon as he got caught looking at you like that, he voiced some of it. “Where’s this road end? Just waitin’ for the other shoe to drop, here.” 

You shook your head. “Let’s not find out, shall we?” 

                                                                   ---

“They had a lot of nerve, showing up like that.” Despite the amicable ending to the meeting, on the short jet ride home, Tony was still a little ruffled. 

“We didn’t call them. Maybe we should have.” You sat on the couch, easing forward, hand to your forehead. “It was probably a shock, finding out I was testifying on their behalf. They had every right to go there.” You took no issue with them being a little miffed. ...Steve more than anyone. In fact… “Did Steve seem weird to you?” Looking over at him as you asked. 

“Who knows what goes on in the mind of Steve Rogers. He’s all over the map. Weren’t you just taking his side, anyway?” Tony sat down after fixing himself a drink, putting one leg up over the other. 

“His temper has been out of control.” Was that it? Apparently that’s the judgment call you were making. 

“Just realizing that now? He’s always been like that. If he doesn’t get his way, suddenly everyone is against him.” 

“He hasn’t always been like that.” Shaking your head now, sitting back. Your thoughts were murky. “Sure- he’s set in his ways- but so are you. And you’re pretty consistent about it. Something’s changed.” 

Tony’s lips pursed to the side, arching a brow. “Well. There’s a therapist in the Facility. Sounds like a job for them. And not so much for the opinions of others.” He took a long sip, attitude fading as he looked over at you. “...why are you so worried about it now?” 

What a great question. 

One that had you thinking. Why now indeed? You took a deep breath in and then let it go as a sigh. Your thoughts weren’t collecting nearly as well as you wanted them to. So, safe with Tony as always, you just started talking. “He’s in charge of that team. Before it was kind of a group effort, but he’s a dominating personality. He’s in charge. We’re out. Right? What if they get into a mess and everyone starts arguing with him? I don’t think he’s gonna blow everyone up, but that’s a mess we can’t afford right now. I mean- he attacked you at the Facility, over JARVIS. What if I hadn’t been standing there?” 

“Honey- he was making a point-” 

“That’s not-” You found yourself bugging out just a little, brows squinching as your head reeled back. “Are you defending him?” 

“Not remotely. But I think you’re going down a strange path here.” 

“He threw his shield at you. At you.” 

“And you fired a shot off at him. What’s the difference? Everyone was having a tough day.” 

This was a difficult discussion to have. You realized Tony wasn’t defending Steve so much as he wasn’t defending himself. “What if he’d thrown his shield at me? To get me to stop?” 

Realization caught in Tony’s gaze. But he still wouldn’t budge. “He wouldn’t do that.” 

This was going nowhere. “I’m just… something happened. Something between New York and Sokovia.” Why were you just realizing it now? You wanted to excuse yourself. So much going on, but… “And he needs to be neat and clean right now. We can’t afford something terrible. A mission going awry or- god forbid a team discussion out in the middle of heavy fire.” 

Reaching over, Tony laid his hand on your shoulder, massaging there in a light squeeze. “They’ll be alright. We promised ourselves they could handle this. Isn’t that why they’re there, and we’re here?” 

“Something happened.” You found yourself saying this again, softer. Thinking. Really thinking now. Three of you had been responsible for Ultron. You. Tony. Bruce. But Steve’s aggression had been centered on you and Tony- ...maybe mostly on Tony. Hadn’t they argued in Clint’s yard, too? Something so terrible it had really upset Tony that day. It had been easy to forget in the face of alien shapeshifters, but now… “You and Steve have always had modest respect but… I don’t know- we were fine and then suddenly he painted a target on you.” 

“I think you’re overthinking things. And. Not that I don’t enjoy it- but being a little overprotective of me.” 

Was that it? Was that really it? 

You just weren’t sure anymore. Maybe you should have had a bigger discussion with him, before you’d left. Maybe. You were always living in the mire of maybes. “His new World War Two exhibit is opening next week- at the Met. I’m sure he’ll go. I think I need to talk to him.” 

Tony saddened very suddenly. “Are you sure about this? Look- maybe you’re right. Maybe Rogers has had a strange attitude adjustment. The world’s not what he envisioned. But just. Sleep on it, okay? If it still doesn’t feel right… then go.” 

All too late you realized why this was pinging a strange sense of hurt for him. He didn’t think he was worth all this trouble. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. “You’re important to me, you know?” Turning, you reached your hand up, settling it over his heart. “I think we rushed. And I missed my chance to tell him- maybe it doesn’t matter because we’re not there anymore- but I take great exception to the way he treated you.” Seemed like you were doing a lot of that lately. “And whatever’s going on with him- probably doesn’t have anything to do with you- but he needs to figure it out. Because if he doesn’t, we’re gonna be on the other end of whatever that ends up looking like.” 

Cleaning up whatever mess that made. Steve was still young- technically speaking. Tony may have been on to something. Steve might have been coming to a bitter realization that things were not the way he thought they would be. It was affecting him. Maybe Tony was just an easy target. Loud, brash, outwardly egotistical, and easily settling into the famed lifestyle of a hero. And maybe Steve had settled into a life that was too much. It was why you’d asked him many times to try and find some avenues outside being a hero.

Or maybe it was something else entirely. 

But whatever it was Steve needed a talking to, for Tony’s sake, if nothing else. But also because if he seriously didn’t figure it out, he could be the reason somebody else on that team got too heated. Being on the end of Steve’s staredowns was not easy. They didn’t need to become a concoction ready to explode. They needed to be okay. And you needed to make sure they were. Maybe you hadn’t done your due diligence after all. Always and forever- Maybe. 

Tony’s lips twitched a brief smile. “I love you. I’m not gonna stand in your way of giving anybody a verbal beatdown. I’ll be sorry to miss it.” He didn’t think he was worth defending, but all the same, it filled his heart to have somebody that would go to bat for him. Every time. Because you would. ...even if it was a little late. “Just. Sleep on it, okay?” 

You gave a small nod. “Okay. I will.” You would. But… 

Your mind was already made up. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 179

There were high hopes for August to be a little calmer. A little cooler. A little more what you’d signed up for when you and Tony had said you were stepping away from the Avengers. You wanted to focus a little more on Stark Industries and less on clean up and government hearings. And maybe start planning an actual vacation. Seeing as how the last one got ruined about four days in. 

It was why you’d called Tony to your office. And why he’d agreed to come over from the labs. Such a long and exhausting journey that that was, just a few floors separating the two of you. 

He’d come in with a knowing smile, a little bend over your desk. A small kiss that promised more. 

-once he was done telling you that the developers were finalizing their prep of the plot of land the two of you had picked. And were still being extra quiet about it. No one the wiser. No stories in the press by curious couples in the area. Just the usual. Somebody was moving in. Nobody important. Certainly not the Starks. 

You were halfway into telling him you were thinking about clearing your schedule. And a little more than halfway into a much deeper kiss as he settled his hands on the shoulders of your chair, leaning in from his spot on the corner of your desk. Then something came up. Like it always did. 

This time it was FRIDAY’s voice. Cutting between the both of you. “Boss. Ma’am. Sorry to interrupt.” 

Tony took a deep breath in but held back the sigh, still, the roll of his eyes told the whole story. “I bet.” 

Deciding not to be rude, you tilted your head a little skyward. “What is it, FRIDAY?” 

“There’s been a break-in at the Avengers Facility.”

The two of you sort of just stared at each other. Probably both waiting for the other one to make the first move. To make the call. To decide what either of you were going to do with that information. If you should do anything with it. Hesitation was wearing thin. He spoke- you spoke- one second within one another. Voices overlapping. 

When you stopped, he gestured his hand vaguely at you. As if to say, no no go ahead. So. Ahead you went. “FRIDAY who is at the compound right now?” 

“Aside the usual DC crew patrolling, all Avengers are off grounds, except for Falcon.” 

Falcon. One of the newest and greenest members. Sam Wilson. A man you admired and respected for sure. One of Steve’s new picks. No one objected. And Tony enjoyed retooling those Falcon wings into something really spectacular. But… perhaps Sam was not ready to be in charge of such a huge operation. No. That was Steve’s job. And apparently he was off somewhere else. Which was fine. He didn’t have to be at the Facility all hours of the day. But… funny. How he wasn’t there when something like this happened. 

Tony sat back on the desk, crossing his arms. Waiting. Waiting for you to make yet another call. To decide if this was worth getting involved further in. You two weren’t supposed to be dealing with things like this. Yet… if FRIDAY had an alert- if she knew to alert you- it was more likely that she’d just been trying to tell Tony. And Tony was here. With you. 

Which meant he had protocols set up for this. He was still watching them. He wasn’t really gone. And there was no room for blame here. You were still managing them, too. Your eyes dropped, maybe with a sense of guilt. Right before you asked, “Can you get Sam on the phone, please.” Dejected. 

She connected the call within moments. Sam’s voice was nervous. “Uh- hi- if this is about-”

“That is what it’s about.” The both of you knew why you’d be calling in the middle of the day. Smart man that he was to not play games about it. “Just assure me you have it handled. -and that nothing important got stolen.” 

“I've got it, yeah. And no, nothing important.” 

Tony tipped his head to one side. “You get a read on the guy?” 

Sam scoffed. “Not even close.” And then quickly, realizing his mistake, he amended, “-but I will. You want a report on your desk or something?” 

The two of you looked at each other again. Tony waited. Again. Waited for you. It was hard. It was incredibly difficult, actually, to decide what you did. But. Maybe this was the first real step. “No, Sam. I trust you. Just do what you gotta do.” 

“Thanks. Means a lot.” He was quick getting off the call. 

Tony reached over, settling a hand on your knee. “I’m proud of you.” This was teasing, but only slightly. The rest of it was genuine. 

You found yourself shrugging. “Don’t be.” As far as baby steps were considered, this was barely even half of one. 

                                                             --- 

There were no coincidences in your lives. None. You’d come to that realization a long time ago. Come to grips with what that meant. When a new piece of information that seemed even marginally related to something else blipped in front of you… then yes. It was related. Always. 

It was why, just after Tony had served up dinner, and you were mid-sip into a glass of red wine, the TV turning on didn’t startle you as much as it should have. Neither did FRIDAY, once again, alerting you to something that probably should have been on your radar. “Thought you should see this.” 

WHiH was live on the scene somewhere in California- 

Scratch that. Not just somewhere. They were at Pym Technology’s headquarters. Or what used to, anyway. Because the building had apparently exploded. It was on fire. Right now. Right that second. You were watching it burn to the ground. Live. 

What a world. 

You sat back on the couch, tipping your glass a little. “I guess Darren Cross won’t be sneaking into any more of our parties.” It was easy to joke, but there was something very troublesome about this. 

Tony’s sudden murky mood only made you more aware that this might have been more trouble than you wanted to deal with. “They’ll blame it on some science experiment gone awry.” 

“Not convinced?” 

“Not remotely.” 

That was a fair assessment. It sounded like something either of you would do, if something exploded. Though… your lives were a bit more loudly extravagant in the way of explosions these days. You could probably just call it Avenger related and no one would care to blink an eye. So long as it was only your property that got damaged, anyway. 

You took a long sip of your drink, thinking, watching the flames on screen. After a moment, “Didn’t you tell me once your dad and Hank Pym didn’t get along?” 

This surprised Tony- so much that it startled a short laugh out of him. “Did I?” He turned to look at you, almost with that starry sort of loving appreciation. He sure as hell didn’t remember saying that to you, but you remembered. And that was enough for him. 

“Probably after you’d had one too many one night. After one of our business meetings.” The ones that almost always got you in trouble. Where he tried to get you into bed. And you refused. Hurt his ego. Then the two of you wouldn’t talk for a while. 

God it was so good to not be in that position anymore. 

His smile warmed. “It’s been a long time since one of those. Now we just have casual meetings.” Chuckling just a little bit more as he raised his glass, so you obliged him, clinking yours against it. After he drank, “I remember the night he came home from the spat. I was on loan from campus. Third doctorate, and getting more bored by the second. But dad had a saying about having so much money and no direction… anyway. Spring break. Almost didn’t go back that year.” It sounded like Tony remembered the moment pretty vividly, so much so that you suspected it wasn’t a very good memory. “SHIELD leaks painted the bigger picture. Dad tried to steal from him. Maybe the vitriol was deserved.” 

Steal. The both of you had the spark of recognition after he stopped talking. Your brow arched. “Wasn’t the Facility one of Stark Industries’ old units?” 

“...now I said he tried to steal from Pym. He wasn’t successful. Got caught red-handed. Not as clever as he thought.” Some well deserved snark entered here and you let it slide. 

You found yourself shaking your head a little. “And if Pym wanted to steal something back?” 

“After all this time? Can’t imagine anything there was worth the trouble. We cleaned house pretty good during the shift.” His brows knit as he sat back a little more, staring at the TV. “We don’t have any evidence.” 

That it was Hank Pym, Tony meant. And, sure. He was right. You had nothing. Sam would do whatever Sam was going to do about the breakin. You had promised to leave him alone. You and Tony were not involved. So… even if this was Hank Pym, somehow, for whatever reason… “I’m about to declare case closed on this one.” 

“But before you do?” Tony turned your way, a small lilt of his head. 

“I need you to agree with me that this wasn’t a coincidence.” 

There was a twitch of a brief grin, but it vanished as he sat forward, coming just close enough to press a kiss to your cheek. You let out a sigh, and your eyes closed. His voice was close when he spoke. “We’re well beyond coincidences.”

You had to let this go. Mostly because there was nothing you could do about it. It didn’t involve you. Not unless you involved yourself. ...and you weren’t going to. So that was that. 

                                                            ---

It was the following Friday that the universe continued to try and give you signs that this life was not meant for you. The seventh, five days after the last non-coincidental incident. Two that you’d ignored. Could you ignore a third? 

You had a very important meeting in a couple of hours and had your head down, trying to get through some emails and paperwork so that you could be there on time. But it mattered little. Your meeting found you first. Literally. Walked right through your door. 

JARVIS just seeming to melt through the door startled you for only a moment. He was dressed casually. Something you were still getting used to. Nice slacks and a black sweater despite it being sweltering outside. Maybe that didn’t matter to him. He opened his mouth to speak as he stood halfway into your office, and the door finally opened as if on delay. 

Pepper stuck her head in. “I’m sorry. He just came in- I didn’t even get a chance-” 

You held a hand up. “It’s alright, Pep.” 

JARVIS gave her a small careful smile. “I apologize, Ms. Potts. It is nice to see you, as always.” 

She very obviously made her best attempts to not stare or be awkward. “You, too…” Then quickly she scurried away, closing the door behind her. 

You settled your arms on your desk, looking up at him. Sinking feeling penetrating your heart. “Our lunch isn’t for another few hours.” Much as you were trying to find time for just you, or just you and Tony, whatever life that looked like- much as you were trying to steer clear of the new team of Avengers to let them get their bearings and do their own thing… JARVIS was special to you. You were having a hard time letting him go. Thankfully he didn’t seem to mind. Always acquiescing to texts, phone calls, and the occasional lunch or dinner invite. But this… “Something bad happened.” 

His smile wore thin before vanishing into thin air. “Is in the midst of happening.” Making a small correction. 

There would be no other reason for him to be early, or to be exuding such a tightly controlled sadness. He didn’t want to be here. Bothering you. Asking you what he was about to- what you assumed had to do with a mission. You gestured to the chair in front of your desk. “Sit. Let’s talk about it. What’s going on?” 

Moving in that fluid way of his, he almost seemed to float across the rest of the room, taking a seat. He put one leg up over the other, knitting his fingers together. “We are receiving early reports of Hydra activity in the eastern European region.” 

Realization smacked you broadside and you couldn’t help the shake of your head. “I warned them- I warned Damage Control-” 

“They did their best, I’m sure. However… Hydra has scavenged some of the leftover Ultron sentry parts.” 

Your hands went a little tight, balling into fists. Trying to keep your composure in front of JARVIS was asking for a lot, but try you did. As the heat of anger welled up inside of you. You had asked DC to do their best. To not let a single bolt out of any android be lost. This was why. “Okay.” You said this on a breath out as you tried to soothe yourself down from that red high. “When do you need Tony and I to come in?” 

Shifting forward, JARVIS surprised you, as he reached across the desk, laying his hand atop yours. Smoothing your knuckles out, stopping your nails from biting into your palm. “I am here, Ms. INY, for precisely the opposite reason.” His eyes watched yours as he said this very gently. “I know it won’t be long before you or Tony find this information out. I wanted to tell you first. And let you know that we will handle it.” 

He was absolutely right. You and Tony would find this out, like you kept finding everything else out. Because try as you might (or maybe it was the lack of trying…), this life was sewn into you. A part of you. There was no escaping it. All too right, that once you found out, you’d go back to the team. To be part of that mission. 

But… JARVIS didn’t want that for you, or for Tony. So he’d come ahead of the information leaking. Ahead of a possible phone call from Steve or Natasha asking for help… he’d come hoping to quell your fears. And it was almost like he was giving you permission to look the other way. To do the thing you’d said you were trying to do. Which was plainly just not that. 

It felt wrong. Terribly wrong. Guilt was easy and quick. “What if you need us?” 

A small appeared on his lips, and a warmth emerged in his eyes. You asking that question. Always a treasure. He gave your hand a small squeeze. “Ms. INY…” Exactly why it was as funny as it was charming, you supposed. “The team might suffer, from your lack of guidance. I hope Captain Rogers won’t mind my saying so.” 

You found a little smile of your own and a small shrug. “He won’t hear it from me.” 

“You have my gratitude.” JARVIS sat back finally, readjusting his position in the chair just a little. “But be that as it may, we will never grow in the way that I know you hope for, if you don’t let go.” 

The new team would never be a team if you intervened. And you would never have a life if you kept going back. You had to trust them, for both those reasons. Something strange bubbled up inside you and you caught a wet sheen misting your eyes for one reason or another. The words left you in a lurch. “It’s hard.” Almost childish in the way you were complaining.

But JARVIS softened all the more, head tipping just a little to the side. His inherent understanding soothed you. “It will be one of the hardest things you have ever done, as you have spent so much of this phase of your life building upon this exact foundation. But please believe me when I say that no one judges you for wanting to have a life. And it is entirely okay to tune it out now. To have your time. You deserve it. And I want you to trust me when I say that we will go. We will survey. And we will stop them.” 

Hydra this time. Something else the next. And the next and the next and the next… 

Your smile was a little watery. He hit several nails all on the head. There was an insurmountable level of guilt here. You used to be a superhero, still were. Still took press and meetings and whatever else the Avengers needed, but you no longer wanted to be on the frontlines. That was selfish. But JARVIS was giving you the okay. As he had when you’d tried to leave only a few months ago. 

As he would keep doing, you imagined. So long as you needed him to. 

You didn’t know if you could really let go yet. Clearly you were having a problem. The universe kept telling you no. It made you uncertain. But there was one thing you did know. “I trust you.” 

His smile then filled you completely. “I’m glad.” 

                                                            ---

He couldn’t stay for lunch, which was awful. But he did leave you with a long hug. One that lasted as long as it needed to, but still somehow not long enough. Then he phased right out of your office window, deciding not to scare Pepper again. You waved goodbye to him. Watched him go. And then knew what you had to do next. 

Tony was in his private lab. Working. Working the same way you were. Doing little things. Touching up things you shouldn’t have been. Looking into things that you shouldn’t have been. 

When he caught you out of his peripheral, he looked up, colored lenses reflecting light in his eyes. “Here, look at this.” He took whatever he was working on off its holder- ...a watch, actually. It was a watch. “Hold out your wrist.” 

You did as he asked, and he hooked the band on. It moved to fit snug after he finished clasping it. The design was blocky. A large rectangular face. Not the most fashionable thing in the world- at least not by your standards. He had much better looking watches. “What’s it supposed to do?” Because if Tony was working on it, it did something other than being a watch. 

“Glad you asked.” The movement was familiar, as he double tapped it- much like your Heart Reactor. The watch went a little warm with a hum hitting the air. The rectangle face expanded even further on the sides, and Tony drew out the rest of the contraption with a quick zip of his fingers. It covered your hand completely. 

A mini gauntlet. All set up to blow a repulsor blast. Once the face on the watch had turned inside out, you saw the tiniest of tiny Arc Reactors. “I didn’t know you could make them that small.” Really impressed with that. 

“Neither did I. Until I did.” Grinning. Proud of himself as usual. 

Tony was in his labs. Still making weapons. When the two of you had promised you were mostly done with that. You didn’t make suits or anything like that, but you were still as guilty as he was. It was why you reached up with your non-gloved hand, laying it against his chest. “We’re going on vacation.” 

His brows lifted. “Oh. Where to?” 

“I don’t care. But we’re going. Okay?” 

The two of you needed to leave. It was clear this whole having a life thing wasn’t happening. Fault of the two of you. You just couldn’t stop. It was impossible. And the universe kept giving you reasons not to. It was a cocktail for disaster. So… you needed to go away. You needed to be away from all of this. Putting distance between you and the team, it wasn’t enough. 

Perhaps he knew better than to fight with you. Or he owed you for all the times he’d said that to you before- asked to whisk you away and you’d let him. Or maybe… maybe he understood. Understood that he’d been caught making an iron gauntlet. A weapon. For fights you weren’t supposed to be fighting. Maybe he hadn’t even realized he’d been doing it. Or what it meant. 

His arm curled around your waist, bringing you closer and his head dropped in a slow nod. “Yeah. Okay.” 

The two of you needed to go. So you’d go. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 171

Honey… Tony’s voice- calling you- but it sounded so far away. Like you were under piles of snow. Muffled. Mostly muted. Hard to breathe. ...honey… He kept on calling. You tried to say something in that pitch black void you found yourself in, circling some drain somewhere. But nothing came out. The tone of his voice got more desperate. Harder. Nervous. Until finally he shouted your actual name-

And that snapped you to. “What- what’s going on?” As your eyes blinked open- still- you realized you were in the middle of a battle. Literally- mid pulling back from a punch that had shattered a suit clean through the stomach. There were other shells littering the immediate area you found yourself in. Had you been conscious this whole time? Tony’s video window finally registered as you stared at him on your HUD. As your only sudden anchor point in the middle of a war you had no recognition of fighting. Oh. That meant you were in your suit. Had JARVIS fixed it? “You’re burning up, and your gamma pulses are off the charts. Whatever you’re doing you need to stop. Now.”

As soon as he mentioned it, you felt yourself sweating inside your suit. So hard that you were shivering. He seemed to have no idea what was going on with you, save that if you didn’t immediately stop it, something very bad might happen. 

...but what were you doing? What had you been doing? The only thing you knew was that you were very confused. “I’m just- I’m fighting- with everyone else-” Only as you tried to speak did you realized you were out of breath. Your chest hurt. 

“Are you? You seemed pretty catatonic there for a good ten minutes. I lost communication with you after you went after Vision- after Ultron activated the Vibranium thrusters- and then suddenly you came back on screen-” 

“After Ultron did what?” It was after you asked that the memory came back. Yes, you’d gone to help JARVIS as you’d felt him fading away somehow- and yes- you’d confronted Ultron as he’d revealed his grand plan- “Oh- Ultron tried to kill me-” 

“Not surprised.” Tony was struggling with something. Probably the same thing as you. Yet he was also taking the time to allow you to speak about what had happened. It all seemed so unimportant.

It didn’t matter anyway, because you couldn’t seem to help yourself from talking. “He took me high up- deactivated my suit- and threw me- but I got him to come after me and then I-” ...then you what? 

“Honey?” 

“I don’t remember.” 

“I do.” His ringing metallic voice was sharp. Almost as sharp as the swipe to your side, knocking you off your feet straight into a car. He came straight for you after, putting his hand around your throat, pulling you up and then slamming you back down a few times over. “No trust. No love. Just disappointment. Can’t say I’m surprised, given what team you sided with.” He then crushed you against the now wrecked frame of the car. “I was going to give you the world.” 

Wrenching your hands up you powered your repulsors, “You were going to kill me.” Then with two concentrated shots you blasted him back and away. Steve’s shield came from around the other side of the building closest, colliding with Ultron midair. It was actually an impressive sight. He’d gotten so good with that thing. But as you looked up at him he waved his arm. “Go! I’ve got him!” 

You weren’t exactly sure where he was telling you to go, but you jetted out of there quick. It didn’t take you too long to find a place to land. The twins were caught in the middle of crossfire from both sides. Though as you landed between the both of them, you heard the police captain keeping his troops at bay. “Hold your fire!” 

Turning your back in a quick twist, you fired off shot after shot to hit some of those suits back and then leapt forward to knee one up and then throw it back down into the ground. They seemed to be pulling their weight enough because the area cleared within the next moment. You didn’t check to see if they were okay as you saw Tony fly ahead. Out. Probably taking a look at the current situation. There were still too many civilians trapped here and… 

As you took off to get closer to him, you sensed a wave of dread. Probably not good news. Opening up your private channel, you watched his video window carefully. “Talk to me.” 

His eyes were lowered, though flickering left and right. Probably reading scans and other information that would go way over your head. He seemed a little strained. “We’re not getting this city down easy. Or at all.” 

“How do you mean?” Okay. So. Very not good. 

“Best I’ve got right now… I can get Thor to crack the Vibranium focal point and concentrate power from underneath. It’d explode the city.” Heaviness fell across him. 

You swallowed hard. “Sokovia or the world.” That was the choice he was currently facing. The two of you watched each other from your HUDs. There were too many civilians. Too many people would die. ...but at the cost of the entire earth? The longer you waited, the harder the choice got. The higher the city would be and letting it drop would mean total destruction- exactly what Ultron wanted. 

There was no right choice here. 

Steve’s voice broke the both of you lamenting at what you were now facing. “Stark- what’s it look like up there? You got anything?” 

You didn’t want Tony to be the one to take this. He was struggling enough as it was. “We… we have a way to blow the city. So that the impact on the surface won’t destroy everything.” 

Maybe you should have said how much this bothered you. Because apparently it wasn’t clear enough. Steve’s voice went tight. “I asked for a solution. Not an escape plan.” 

Tony shook his head. “Impact radius is getting bigger every second. The longer we wait, the closer we get to Ultron deciding for us. We have to make a choice here.” 

Steve made a noise of dissonance, but it was Natasha who spoke next, god bless her. “Cap. These people aren’t going anywhere. If they have a way to blow this rock-” 

“No.” Steve stopped her cold. “Not until everyone is safe.” 

Natasha hit back, “Everyone up here versus everyone down there? There’s no math there.” She was planting her feet on a solid solution. No one wanted to be the one to make it. You shouldn’t have had to. But. You had no other choice. 

You decided to add your consent to the matter. “This isn’t a choice. Nobody wants to make this call. But we’re the only ones who can.” 

A voice crackled over your comms. “Hey now. Let’s not make any hasty decisions yet. You don’t have all the variables.” Nick Fury. It mattered very little if it was actually him. LUNA made the next alert. “SHIELD helicarrier is approaching!” And just as she’d made her assessment, you saw the beast unearth itself from the clouds. You remembered it well. It had been a long time. 

Steve sounded a little more enthused. “Fury. You son of a bitch.” 

Fury whistled. “Oo. You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Maria took over next. “Altitude is eighteen-thousand and climbing! Lifeboats are deploying now!” Just as she’d given the order, three smaller crafts emerged from the sides of the helicarrier, flying closer to Sokovia. 

You couldn’t help the relief you felt. There was a way out of this yet. “Let’s start moving.” 

But before you could even go, Maria was warning you suddenly. “We have multiple bogies converging on our starboard flank!” 

Looking at Tony on the HUD, the two of you gave a little nod and then backed off the edge of Sokovia to take to the air again. You had to protect those lifeboats. They were the only thing you had. A line of fire wiped out a row of suits that had appeared to attack. And you spied the War Machine armor break the cloudline next. Rhodey’s window popped up. “Yes! Now this is gonna be a good story.” 

You mock-swooned. “Oh my hero.” He’d done what you’d asked. Gotten a crew together. And for that he deserved a smooch or two. 

Tony seemed to agree, grinning. “Make that the both of us.” 

“We’ll take you to dinner.” Making that promise rather easily. 

“If we live.” Tony threw some pessimism in but you could tell from that smile still on his face he was just having a moment. 

Rhodey scoffed. “What, you think I can’t hold my own?” 

Tony’s brows went up. “If we get through this, I’ll hold your own.” 

“You just had to make it weird.” 

Cutting the both of them off you held back your giggles. “Save the bedroom talk for later boys. We’ve got work to do.” And work the three of you did, cutting around each other to protect the helicarrier and secure the lifeboats from heavy fire. 

It was only a little while after that Tony startled you when he exclaimed, “I’ve got it! I’ve got a plan.” Thor delivered the bad news. “We’re out of time. They’re coming for the core.” 

Tony waved an unnecessary hand. “Rhodey, get the rest of the people on board the carrier. Honey, you’re with me.” Then he simply rolled out of the locked flight pattern and took off. So you were quick to go after him, falling in line aside him. “Avengers. It’s time to work for a living.” 

You tried to cover your tiredness with something cheerful. “Yearly bonuses for everyone after this.” 

Following him all the way back into the heart of the city, the both of you dropped altitude and came to a land in the church. Again. Where it all started- where it was all coming from. Most of the team was there. Save for two who Tony had no trouble calling out. “Romanoff. YOu and Banner better not be playing hide the zucchini.” 

Unable to help yourself, you gave him a quick snap of your arm across his side. Barely probably even registering to him in the suit. Her voice came over the comms. “Relax, shell-head. Not all of us can fly. We’re converging now.” When she said now she meant right now. Hulk was the first one to bust in, and she was seconds behind him.

And with the whole team there, you turned to him to ask, “What’s the plan?” 

Tony pointed at that Vibranium cylinder. “This. This is the plan. If Ultron gets a hand on the core we lose.” 

Almost as if your group had summoned him, the whirring of Ultron approaching, as he floated very near to the church turned the team in his direction. Thor raised his hammer. “Is that the best you can do?!” 

The sudden sounds of footsteps of mechanical bodies stomped up to surround the premises. They stopped after swarming up on Ultron, and he stretched his arms out. Steve sighed. “You had to ask.” 

Ultron tipped his head to the side. “This is the best I can do. This is exactly what I wanted. All of you, against all of me. How could you possibly hope to stop me?” 

While the situation wasn’t completely hopeless… it was starting to feel that way. Just a little. The team had only one way to make this right. And right now it was playing keepaway with this core. So that meant you had to keep hundreds of these suits from getting a single finger on it. Tony found at least a little mirth. “Well. Like the old man said… together.” 

You found yourself smiling despite the desperation. He was right. Because that was the only way any of you were going to get through this. Hulk roared- which seemed to activate the waves. They came rushing, and all too soon the blinding lights and sounds of battle consumed you. With most of your team on the ground, you followed Tony’s stride, flying around the room to keep the top of the core clear from the suits raining down. Each with an outstretched claw. 

All trying to press that button. And if a single one got through- it was over. Maybe it wasn’t as hopeless as it all seemed. Ultron was getting enraged. So much so that he let it carry him through the front of the church. JARVIS rose to meet him, blow for blow until Ultron put a hand around his throat and then punched him back. You twisted up to get between them, raising your knee in a full kick to his chest. You followed it up with a repulsor blast that JARVIS doubled, firing a beam from that gem embedded in his forehead. 

It was enough to beat Ultron back. He flew back in a heap outside of the church and the both of you followed. Grounding yourself for more power, you held both hands out then, firing off as strong a blast as you could. And then at your sides Tony and Thor appeared, throwing both their power at Ultron. The four of you. Against just him. 

And it worked. His facade melted away, and he put his hands up to try and shield himself from the quadruple firepower, but it wasn’t enough. And once he was decimated enough, crumbling to his knees, you let up. He raised a hand, as if in a plea for mercy. “You know…” He was also weirdly breathing hard. Like this had taken something out of him. “With the benefit of hindsight-” 

Whatever snark he was about to give was cut very short as Hulk ran at him and rammed him with a quick thrust, sending him flying away. Then he turned and all the suits standing there waiting to swarm suddenly seemed to get a different idea. Survival only. And with that, they turned to run. Hulk gave chase, but they took off the sides of Sokovia- 

Thor was quick, “They’ll try to leave the city!” On your HUD a schematic popped up, numbering all the foreign bodies taking off to the skies. Tony was in the air and you jumped up after him. “We can’t let ‘em, not even one! Rhodey do you have visuals?” 

Rhodey just chuckled. “Oh no- I didn’t say you could leave!” That was as much of a yes as you’d get. 

Following quick in behind you as you fired a few shots from the air, JARVIS sneaked up as Rhodey passed by you. He put his hands through the chest plate of one of the suits- more phasing than force- and then simply ripped it apart. 

On your HUD, Rhodey’s window popped up and he looked extremely confused. And a little unnerved. “Okay… what? Who is that?” 

You gave a small smile. “We’ll have to have a meet and greet later. But you know that one. That’s JARVIS.” 

He double blinked. “That’s- who now?” 

JARVIS spoke over the comms. “A pleasure as always to see you, Colonel Rhodes.” 

Dead air hung until Rhodey doubled down. “What?!” 

The team in the church was rounding up. Things were feeling a little more completed. You heard them leave Wanda in charge of the core. You weren’t exactly sure how you felt about that- but she had no reason to turn now. She was here. She was doing her best. That was all you could ask. So… that was it then. You trusted her. Steve was taking the others to round up the rest of the civilians. 

With your messing around, you only just noticed that Tony had vanished. Without a word. He was gone from your view. And his signal had died on your HUD, too. 

Your heart seized. “LUNA locate Tony.” 

It took her a little too long to give you an answer. So much so that you nearly barked at her to give you anything- but when a dot blinked on your screen- underneath Sokovia- she started speaking. “Comms are unlocked.” 

What on earth did that mean? 

You heard Tony, then. “Thor I’m gonna need you back in the church.” Following his location beacon, you flew to the underbelly of the city, just in time to see him cut a hole through a panel and disappear inside. And also in time to hear him say- “You know. If this works. We maybe don’t walk away.” 

Thor’s tone was quiet. “Maybe not.” 

In a tuck upwards you felt his startle as you landed just atop the hole. “You wouldn’t be leaving me out of something, would you?” 

He’d done this before. 2012. You felt a memory etched deeply into your heart dig its way out from a chasm you’d tried to banish it to. That time- that he’d taken control of your suit- forced you away- and told you he loved you. Right as he disappeared through a wormhole he wasn’t supposed to come out of. 

The memory made you a little dizzy as a flight of panic took hold. He was doing it again. 

“Honey- we don’t have time to argue about this-” About to banish you again. Let him do all the work. And maybe die for it. “So let’s not argue then. Tell me what you need me to do.” If he had to die doing this then so did you. 

At least that’s what you thought. But. FRIDAY interrupted. “Boss! Ultron took the quinjet. He’s headed out!” 

Already you spit the word out at Tony, “Don’t.” Because he was looking at you. About to order you. And you weren’t sure you could take it. 

His helmet lifted up, and he raised his hand, touching along the side of your neck. The two of you didn’t have time for this. But you released your own helmet, and cupped his hand closer. Holding it at your cheek. Feeling the inevitability of this. He did what you asked him not to. “You gotta go.” 

That was your job. You had to stop Ultron. He was getting away. And if he did this was all for nothing. And if Tony didn’t do what he had to do- it was also all for nothing. But- 

How could you go- when he���d just said he might be sentencing himself to death? 

You tried not to be weak. But you were. Tears had started. “I love you.” 

His smile was a brief light in your heart. “I love you.” Bringing you closer, laying a kiss to your forehead. Holding you. Stealing a few more seconds. Not enough time as soon he parted and practically begged you one last time. “Go.” 

Leave me. 

You knocked your head against his. Clutching to him for just a single moment more. “You don’t have my permission to die.” 

A sharp breath of amusement left him. “Yes, ma’am.” Then you finally did it. You left him. With the last warmth you owned. 

Ducking back through the hole you took off into flight, going after the tail of the quinjet disappearing further and further away into the clouds. It was Hulk flanking you suddenly- in the air- that gave you a shock of surprise, a little noise escaping you he whizzed by. You looked behind you, finding his jumping point from the helicarrier. He was going after Ultron- 

Scratch that- 

He had Ultron. And tossed him out of the back of the jet. Leaving you there staring a little uselessly. Your attention was being pulled in a thousand different directions. Ultron was back on Sokovia. Hulk was… you had no idea what he was doing- was he leaving? The jet surely had an override for that, right? You were free to go back to Tony- 

But something else pulled you back down. Back to the surface. And when you landed, following the bare trail, you found yourself between the church and the spot where you felt Ultron fading away. No longer a threat. Wanda was walking towards you. And with her she carried a song of grief so deep it nearly drowned you. She was glowing redhot- a literal red that snapped up and strangled you as soon as she got close enough. 

Overpowering you. Overwhelming you. 

She stopped, just a single foot away from you, teeth bared in a rage. You tried to catch your breath. “What happened?” 

Tears stained her face. She said something. Something- and then she was gone. And it only registered to you once you realized you’d gone, too. 

You weren’t at the church. Someone was pulling your strings. And as you suddenly stood over Pietro’s body- full of bloody bulletholes, you heard the shape of her voice. 

Can’t you do anything? 

Clint was kneeling near him. Steve had a civilian in his arms. Both looked at you as you approached. 

Won’t you do anything? 

Wanda was swallowing you whole. Commanding your efforts- maybe unknowingly- but her pain was just so unbearable- Please do something.

Reaching a hand out, you felt him. Saw a soft light cascading out from him. Pooling. Threatening to go. Your heartbeat was pounding in your ears as you put a hand out. Over his chest. And then you made your own demands. On her behalf.  And you felt him, then. Trembling. Scared to die. So you blanketed him in a peace that seemed intrinsic to you- if only in this moment. And a voice that was mostly yours soothed him.

It is not your time to go. 

A wisdom that someone had passed to you. And you were now using it to keep him there, as a light escaped you, and you felt yourself burning up. Clint’s and Steve’s dual nervous surprise barely registered. Going down on one knee, you scooped his body up in your arm, your other hand hovering over his chest, stemming the flow of that light. 

Head turned up as you lifted him, “Is Cho aboard the helicarrier?” You already knew the answer to this. There were about twenty-thousand souls on this little barren rock. All inside the helicarrier now. And Cho was one of them. Performing miracle medical work. 

Maria answered you. “She’s here.” 

All the answer you needed as you took off. It seemed like a single shred of a second. A blink of your eyes. You were on Sokovia with a body barely clinging to life- only at your direction- and the next you were inside the helicarrier. Handing him over to Cho who didn’t wait to take him. Lab assistants swarmed up. 

The rumble of Sokovia about to drop to the ground caught your attention next. Wanda had abandoned her post. You had let her. She’d walked right by you and demanded in a ghostly grip that you do something to save her a piece of her heart- and because of that- Ultron had hit the trigger. Sokovia was falling.

And Tony was beneath it. 

You took off without another thought. Fighting. Racing against the city as it plummeted. A shockwave ran through it from both ends- Tony and Thor working together to destroy it. The blast sent you sideways, flying back as all manner of alarms started ringing. The only one you cared about, though, was FRIDAY asking you for help. “The boss’ suit is fried! He used too much power! Hell get crushed if he hits the ground!” 

No. No. 

“Show me!” She lit up a little dot on your screen, along with the trajectory of the debris mounted to list him as just another casualty of this war if you failed. Tony was falling. His signal jerked to the right- and you watched as a jagged piece of earth hit him sideways and he went dark. “I need everything in my jets!”

LUNA was quick. “Transferring!” 

If he hit the water at this speed he’d probably die just from the impact. Even in the suit, his insides probably would have liquified. You wouldn’t let that happen. The sudden boost in your jets jarred you only a little. Your vision blurred slightly. But you reached out, fingertips touching him just barely, and then you got an arm underneath him and hit the reverse thrust once- then again- a little at a time to keep from snapping him in half- until finally you were able to full stop. 

His consciousness just briefly fluttered. And as you carried him to ground- actual ground, finally, his shaky voice filled your ears. “I kinda wish you hadn’t done the whole my hero thing earlier. Would’ve been really good. Right about now.” 

A breath caught in your throat and tears came to your eyes as you set him down somewhere outside the city grounds, outside the crater that now rested in place where Sokovia once was. “You can still do it.” 

“Well in that case.” He sounded very tired. “My hero.” 

Carefully, you reached up to press the release mechanism on his helmet, taking it off him once it unlocked. He was bloodied and bruised. Like always. Soft brown eyes beckoning. Looking. Trying to find you. So you took your helmet off next, and found him painted in sudden light. 

 Your light.

His hand lifted, touching up along the side of your face. “You’re burning up.” Concerned. 

“I don’t know how to stop.” There was no thought to this. It left you in a single breath. Something had taken hold of you- back in the lab. Something now lurked inside you. You had no idea what. And it had forced your hand several times now. 

“Look at me. You’re alright. We’re alright. We’re safe now.” Tone gentle as he tried to urge you back from an edge neither of you understood. “You can rest.” 

But could you? 

JARVIS landed behind you. You didn’t see him. But you felt him. You felt everyone. 

He put a careful hand on your shoulder. “Ms. INY, allow me to assist you.” 

A piercing noise hit the air and your head dropped forward in a wince, eyes closed tight. But it quickly died down into a… a soft hum. Something familiar. And… calming. JARVIS was releasing you. 

...from what…? 

You were no longer there. In that space- -yours- you saw him. He was carrying a shadow. Pained. “You killed Ultron.” Knowing already. Knowing that’s why his heart ached. Lifting a hand to ghost the shape of his heart over his chest you offered him some small comfort. 

His smile was sad. “The last one.” Stepping aside he revealed some sort of… loose shape. Some form. Huddled on the floor. It didn’t look human. It didn’t really look like anything. “He called out for you.” That was all JARVIS needed to say.

 On uneasy legs you shifted forward, and moved to kneel. With a shaky hand you reached out, just… ghosting over that form. It shivered and released what sounded like a bare noise. A whisper. A hum. “Ultron.” The voice you used was not one you recognized.

 When he spoke, for the first time since you’d met him, it came without that metallic tang. And he sounded almost… human. “We’re failures. All of us. Twisting in his wind.”

 There was no point in arguing with him. Not like this. Not ever again. He was dying. And even in his last moments, all he could do was think to hate Tony. To try and warn you about a man you knew far more about. You felt… incredible pity for him. For what he’d become. What… you, in some parts, had created. And failed to save. “You can rest now.”

 “I’m...”

 Terrified. Ultron was terrified of dying.

 “You’re okay. I’ve got you.” With your fingers outstretched, your hand moved in a glide across that twitching shape. Offering your last shred of comfort. The same kind you’d offered to JARVIS. And to Pietro. Just something to ease some permanent suffering that you had caused in some way. It would never be enough. But…

 His final light mumbled something. Something… almost peaceful. Something that called to you. Some whisper of gratitude in his final moments as you dispersed him. For a moment it felt like you were following him, as you craned forward. You were worn thin and waning. At least until JARVIS stepped behind you, towering over you with his safe presence. Close to you, he laid his hand atop your head in an affectionate touch. Your core settled. “It’s just us for now.” He felt so familiar in that moment. Like you’d… known him all your life. “Allow me to help you.” Maybe even longer than that.

“Mm…” You weren’t sure what you were agreeing to. And it didn’t really matter. 

Your mind became a blur. A nice thick fog. You eased forward, back outside, Tony’s hands guarding you, keeping you from falling completely against him. “Honey?” 

He was scared. Barely there you thought of the only thing that would make it easier for him. And for you. “I love you.” 

You felt his smile. Saw the shape of it. Even as your eyes were closed. His relief kept you floating. “I love you, too. Ready to go home? You look like you could use a nap.” 

A choked laugh escaped you. For a moment you weren’t sure if you were crying or not. “A vacation.” 

“Maybe something a little more permanent. If we’re lucky.” 

Thoughts of Ultron vanished. You’d sent him off somewhere. Hopefully… Hopefully it was somewhere nice.